Just putting it somewhere

[Jecede]

Tomorrow I'm going to end my life I've been planning it all week. Everyone has said how much better I'm looking and doing, but the calm is all down to me knowing there's an end point where I don't have to go beyond.
I have a plan and a back up plan in case it goes wrong.
This post is incredibly self indulgent, but no one knows and I suppose I needed to put it down somewhere.
It's pointless saying to contact MH services and so on, as I don't actually want to be stopped and besides, you say anything and they don't take it seriously anyway. You can't really mean it if you're telling them.
I've made sure everything is in order. No one suspects a thing. My head's not clouded with pills and for the first time in a long time, everything is clear and calm. I'm just totally at peace with the whole thing.
I've written very clear notes and instructions to everyone who matters or needs them. While there's no way of making it better, I can make it easier.
There's not really much else to say really, is there. The world is not a bad place, I just don't have the energy to do it anymore.

I'm so glad to hear from you.

You will have heard it all no doubt and be far more experienced in this than me, but you have done the right thing.

Keep taking it day by day hour by hour, and reach out anywhere you need to get support. You have your friend and your psych consult now, and us of course. Is there anyone else you can tell as another life line?

I hope you can have a good sleep tonight and check off another day still here. You seem really strong despite what you are going through.

I hope you have an ok day tomorrow, and if you feel like posting once you have seen your consultant, I'd love to hear from you x

So lovely to hear from you. Sending love and hope your way

Well done. You have been incredibly brave.

I'm so proud of you Jecede, and of you mumsnet

Im glad you have accessed some support and going to give it a shot.

Keep going slowly bit by bit. Its ok to take your time and it will.

take care.

This is a really lovely side of mn which being relatively new I haven't seen before.

Jecede you are doing really well to post here. Please keep choosing life. Well done.

I'm so glad you went to A&E. I hope the crisis team are helpful today. Keep posting if it helps, it certainly helps me.

It's so good to hear from you, Jecede. Keep reaching out, in RL and here. You've got lots of support.

You're being really brave and although I don't know you I'm proud of you! It is the harder road but I believe there's something good down it for you.

How has today been?

Just popping back on to let you know I'm thinking of you

Still thinking of you today Jecede

Thinking of you Jecede. Hoping today is easier.

Hi jecede how are you?

Hi Jecede, I hope you are doing as well as you can be. Your silence is just a wee bit worrying, so if you can would you please come back on and let us know how you are doing?

I think there are a few mumsnetters hoping you are coping ok.

Xx

Came to check bak. Hope you are ok jecede

Thinking of you, hope you are coping x x x

Hi,
Just wanted to come back and let you know how I am. I'm currently in hospital with psychotic depression. I really appreciate the support you gave the other night. I genuinely didn't realise how ill I was.
I saw my psych the following day and agreed inpatient care was the best way forward in this case as I was a genuine danger to myself when not supervised. It's not easy as psych hospital isn't the greatest of places, but it's the best place for me until I'm well enough to be thinking rationally again.
Apologies for it taking so long to update, but I've had to wait until I was given some leave before I could connect to wifi and update. They also confiscated all my gadgets when I was admitted for my own safety.

Thank you again. You are all good people.

Oh, it's good to hear from you, Jecede! I'm happy that you're getting good care.

I hope you feel that you can come back whenever you want for support or just to check in.

Hi jecede

Just another voice of support. I can't say I have ever been exactly where you are although I have been very low and had suicidal ideation. I can also understand the need to stop the meds - sometimes taking them masks the real you and it feels so vitally important to look under the mask and see what is really there. Even if what is really there is pretty bleak, it's you and it's real. I understand xx

So glad you are getting help. Hang in there my lovely xx

for you op,hope your getting all the support you deserve

Thanks for coming and back and letting us know how you're getting on, I have been thinking of you and checking back for updates and so relieved to see this one.

I'm so glad you're getting the help you need, it may not be the nicest place but it is a means to an end and I hope you leave there feeling a little lighter.

I'm glad to hear from you Jecede and glad you have taken this step. I really hope things start improving for you soon x