Therapy 'homework'. I don't want to do it!

[Judyandherdreamofhorses]

I'm supposed to be writing a letter to a particular person. They won't ever receive it. I set aside this evening to do it as I'm on my own tonight and it's a good time. But I can't face it.

I don't want to feel upset tonight and cry. I can't be bothered. I don't have the mental time and space to deal with it right now. I'd rather just go to bed early and sleep. Or mess about on mumsnet.

Been there, believe me but if you don't do it you'll have to discuss why at length next session. Yes it's painful but my goodness you can feel like a weight had been lifted. Remember you can make it as sweary as you like - I wrote mine in black marker pen then burnt it. Honestly, it does work.

Been there.

Don't worry about composing it so it reads nicely or whatever-just write down what's in your head.

When I did this, I told myself I would devote an hour to it, then I was allowed to run a bath/eat some chocolate/whatever.

Thanks, both of you. I'll probably go and start it in a minute. I might get into bed first.

She suggested we might have the person 'in the room' next week, but I presume I can refuse that if I can't face it. She's quite challenging. I know that's a good thing.

Jesus, there's quite a lot of crap she isn't even vaguely aware of yet. I wonder what she'll make me do when/ if she ever gets to know that shit!

Okay, I started it. Did 20 minutes. Have about 30 years more to cover, but it's a start. And I'm okay. I think a bit each evening instead of one big, daunting task is going to work better.

Haven't done any more of it. Only tomorrow to get it done now. I don't feel like doing it as I'm either feeling a bit too tired and crap (like tonight) or don't feel like making misled miserable (when I'm feeling okay!).

I can't turn up without it so will have to do it tomorrow, I suppose.

You made a start and if you want to leave it until tomorrow then give yourself the night off (although it is on your mind so maybe you could do a bit more, see how you go and then have tomorrow night off instead?)

Well done for getting so far - think of it as taking back power from that person bit by bit.

I did another stint tonight. I'm not really very good at it. I'm just recounting, rather than getting into any emotions really. Oh well, at least I've tried a bit. I hope she doesn't ask me to read it out tomorrow. I don't want to do that.

Do counsellors get bored, listening to the boring drivel people must spout at them? She hasn't shown any signs of that so far, but must be thinking 'WTF am I listening to this boring monologue of someone's dull life?'.