Hand holding gently if anyone's there?

[Ratbagcatbag]

I'm just so meh! I posted in stately homes but had no response, I don't even know what I want, I guess to feel normal and ok, it's not happening yet though.

Why when everything is so great is it not? I don't get it. I'm tired, stressy, crying, shouty and then it goes away to just no emotion and then it's all good again for a while. Why?

Just struggling. :(

What I posted in stately homes.

I've lurked before and posted occasionally, I'm not even sure what I want from writing stuff down.

I have a lovely one year old and a fab dh, amazing stepson and great job, so why now am I falling to pieces?

I've just started seeing a counsellor and she's fab, she's made me realise that I emotionally switch off when everything gets too much and it's how I dealt with my really crao childhood (abusive violent dad, sexually abused by uncle and mum who was so scared off my dad). Except I'm now struggling, everything is too much and my counsellor says that there should be a step between me being overwhelmed and in bits, to then switching off and even though the switching off feels better for mem it's really not great so I've tried so hard to stay at the upset part and try and offload but I can't and all that's happened is I feel worse.

Sat here in tears, dh doesn't know what to say, my boss is wicked and also a friend and has said text him any time, I nearly did, but then will be embarrassed at work tomorrow. So sorry but I guess I dump everything in here. I don't even know what I want, I guess to feel better, but I don't know how too.