Oh Lem do you think your meds need tweaking, or probably the way you feel is the aftermath of the raised health anxiety lately? Haven't heard you say before that you get anxious about being alone in the house - is this a new thing?
Hi gingeroots Oh lord you have soooo much on your plate at the moment, it's small wonder you are feeling so crap. I lost my closest friend 20 years ago and 6 months after her death I conked out in a severe depression, and the psychiatrist told me that it was classic to get a depressive illness after this length of time, following a death.
When you say you have suffered PND on and off, do you mean going months/years without problems and then a recurrence, or on/off in the sense of some days ok and others not. I have the latter type of intermittent depression. Can I ask how long you have been on citalopram and at a low dose - also how long did you stay on 40mg before giving up because of the side effects. Sorry to fire questions at you but it's just that I've heard so many people on this thread say they needed the 40mg to make any real difference, but the trouble with mental health meds, it's all "hit and miss" isn't it and what suits one person, doesn't suit another.
I think bereavement counselling is a very good idea and I made the huge mistake of not having any after the death of my friend, though have had some in the more recent past which has been helpful. Also why can't you ask the GP to sign you off sick from work for a couple of weeks (don't know what your job is) but I can't see how you can cope with work in your present state - something has to give doesn't it. I think mindfulness is the "flavour of the month" at the moment though I haven't really looked into it. I have been seeing a therapist on the NHS and she loaned me a book on Mindfulness "How to find Peace in a Frantic World" - you can get it on Amazon and there is a CD in the book. Your world sounds very frantic ginger and so it might be helpful. Have you been referred to a psychiatrist - if not, why not ask your GP to refer you - I say this because they are able to add meds to ones you already take and this can bring about an improvement sometimes, whereas GPs don't have that specific knowledge of mental health.
Come back and talk if you want to and don't apologise - this is a very supportive thread and many posters like you are young mothers and trying to juggle so many things. I am a 70 yr old grandmother and obviously retired and when my bad days come, I can't cope with the cats, so I am in awe of how you young mothers cope, but then you have no option do you.