Had enough, can't stop crying

[CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss]

Everything is a mess. I have complex ptsd, suffer from crippling depression and anxiety and insomnia to top it off. I am on meds but nothing seems to be helping.
I am getting about an hours sleep a night and wake up in a total panic

I don't want to be here anymore. My illness is ruining my family, they deserve so much better than me, and it's all my fault anyway. I should have stopped it.
I just want it all to stop

I keep looking at the tablets, I can't see any other way to feel better. It's like I'm trapped in a living nightmare and there is no way out. I can't do this anymore

Hi Cuppa, please know you will get better from this.
It's not your fault.
I know you're on meds, but have you thought about counselling? You're suffering from an illness brought on by a trauma, and you can come to terms with this.
Don't think about the pills - think of your family and how much they need you, even if you don't think they do. At the moment you are ill, and need help. If you really feel desperate go to A&E. Don't suffer alone xxx

Hi Cuppa - there are ways out please, please don't OD. Do you have a psychiatrist? Also are you on the right meds maybe. I would really recommend a simple treatment EMDR which could really help you. Sending love

Thankyou, I am supposed to be getting counselling, cbt I think, but there was a huge cock up with the referral so I'm still waiting atm.
Today has just been a nightmare. I can't think of anything else, well I'm barely functioning tbh.
My cpn has more of less given up, I have the number for the crisis team but I'm terrified to phone. I have no idea what they do or anything I am just useless.

I dont know what crisis do, but I will bump for you until someone else comes along.

Thankyou

Hi Cuppa, that's terrible that the referral went wrong, but this can be sorted. I don't know what crisis would do, but if you're feeling like an OD is your only option ring them. You need help. You wouldn't hesitate to call 999 if you had an accident, and mental health is no different. Do whatever you need to do to get through this temporary dark period. Xxx

Thanks Alice

I don't really know what to do. Everything seems so messed up thankfully both dds have gone to bed with no problems.
The flashbacks are constant, I'm exhausted but going to sleep just causes more problems.

Have you rung crisis before?

No I haven't phoned them before.

Is there someone with you who could ring the number for you?

I am not trying to be bossy! . I just think that you need to speak to them. I wouldnt think that you have to do anything they say if you dont want to.

bumping again so someone who could explain more about crisis might come along.

Go steady op and try and remember that how you feel presently will certainly be temporary and that you can get through it. Does trying to tackle the day half hour by half hour chunk help? Small steps. Concentrate on doing the basics like breathing, trying to eat and looking after those doubtless lovely dc. Thinking of you and sorry not to have more useful things to say.

No Honeysweet I didn't think you were being bossy Dp is here, he deals with all phone calls really as I always end up lying and telling them in fine it's like I don't want to admit that I'm struggling, especially when I'm at my worst.

Thankyou, I am lying in bed trying not to think too much and failing miserably. I just want a break from it all

Can you ask him to ring them on your behalf?

Oh he would if I asked but I'm scared to. I haven't told him how bad things are today, he has been amazing and I feel that I'm letting him down when I'm like this.

I have had a quick google.
Crisis provide support and short term help.
Sounds like what you need.

Thankyou again
I think I'm going to have to talk to Dp. God I feel like such an idiot

You are not an idiot!! This is a nasty illness, and the only one we feel guilty about having. Go and talk to dp, call the crisis team. Sometimes just getting some reassurance from a professional can help. They will only want to help you, so please don't worry. Asking for help shows that you are still in control and are trying to get better. X

Hi Cuppa,
How are you doing today? X

Thanks Alice, we didn't phone the crisis team, I was absolutely terrified. Still feeling rotten today. I didn't get any sleep at all the flashbacks seem almost constant. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I don't feel like me

Hi Cuppa,
Have you got anything you can take to help you sleep? I really think sleep is invaluable when you're suffering. I take nytol which is find really helps.
If not, the doc can prescribe something. Also, have you got any tranquilsers to help take the edge off? I have diazepam which helps me when the panic gets too much. Sorry, I'm not trying to advocate taking loads of drugs, but if they help they help.
Make sure you ring the counselling service and follow up on your referral. With ptsd I think that will really help. My friend who was traumatised after a really scary accident said it really helped her deal with triggers etc and she felt better xxx

What are you frightened of if you ring them?

btw. It once took 2 weeks of posts before someone went to their GP about something, I cant remember what exactly. You are not that poster are you?

My gp used to prescribe diazepam but stopped as it's "too addictive" and a very short course of Temazapam when my sleep was really bad but stopped that for the same reason. All I have now is Quetiapine and Citalopram.
I suppose I'm scared of having to talk, god I sound like a moron but it's like, if I say it out loud, it's all the more real. Nobody knows the full extent of what happened, not even Dp, although he thinks he does. Eventhough Dp and dds are here, I feel so alone

Some people take small (50mg) doses of quetiapine instead of diazepam, could you ask about doing that?