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Citalopram day 11

211 replies

alicemac83 · 19/01/2014 17:15

Hi,
I've been on citalopram 10mg for 11 days. The first 5 we're hideous, I was so low I was almost suicidal- then the following 4 we're amazing- I felt like myself again. Only just as I started to relax I've had 2 days of feeling anxious, lacking motivation and being very irritable. I'm so disappointed as I really thought I had my life back. Over the weekend I had my dd on my own as dh was away so I think that made me tense. Should I increase my meds or hope this is just a blip? Xxx

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alicemac83 · 01/02/2014 13:59

It's horrible when it comes out of the blue, and I have no idea what caused mine which makes it even worse! X

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alicemac83 · 04/02/2014 10:38

Hi, how is everyone today?
I had quite a calm weekend, then yesterday was really good - I felt like my normal self all day. Then last night I didn't sleep well, and today I feel terrible, really anxious, feel like I'm going to have a panic attack at my desk and a bit sick. I took my meds on an empty stomach this morning which probably didn't help. Do you think it's tiredness making me feel like this? I feel like they're all physical symptoms really. xx

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OhSoVintage · 04/02/2014 10:41

Give it a few weeks, it should calm down. If it doesn't go back to the DR not all antidepressants suit everyone. But its important to give them all time as they take time to settle down and start working as they should.

alicemac83 · 04/02/2014 10:58

Thanks - this is the first time I've felt like this in weeks, I think it's because I'm tired. I have to leave the house at 7 and then do a long commute, and didn't eat until I got to work. Also - stupidly I haven't got a pill cutter so I cut the pills with a knife. I think this morning in a rush I didn't cut the 10mg very well and one half was bigger than the other - which I took (I'm on 15mg) I don't feel down, just a bit spaced out and odd! X

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DCRBye · 04/02/2014 13:54

Hi Alice. Tiredness is a massive thing with anxiety. Sometimes justa 10 minute nap resets things if you can have one?

idlevice · 04/02/2014 13:59

Could you be coming down with a cold? I say this as I've got one & feel very tired also!

I'm finding it weird to be hyper-aware of my mood most of the time. This makes it difficult to actually know how I genuinely feel as I'm always questioning it. I think I may have had a few "glimmers" of feeling lighter but then one evening I couldn't find something & it was the end of the world! Only just into the second week for me though.

alicemac83 · 04/02/2014 14:30

Thanks, that makes me feel so much better. Luckily it only lasted about an hour and I'm feeling much better now. I'll have been on citalopram for 4 weeks on wednesday, and I have to say I am noticing a big difference. Yesterday I had the best day so far and forgot for long periods of time to think about how I was feeling. It was lovely! So hang on. I'm expecting more dips, but compared to how I felt at the start this is great! X

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DCRBye · 05/02/2014 11:03

4 weeks on thursday here Alice, so the same journey. So glad it's going well x

alicemac83 · 05/02/2014 13:41

How are you feeling DCRBye? I'm feeling better, but still have a constant nervous feeling in my tummy, like butterflies. I'm still expecting to dip which is why I like I feel so on edge.
Ps - I saw my counsellor at the weekend and told her about the feelings of love for DD disappearing. She said they haven't gone, they are just in a different part of our consciousness and will come back. That made me feel better xx

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DCRBye · 05/02/2014 14:27

Yes, I do feel better. It just feels a little detached and a little unreal still. Just want to feel like me again. Might be a while though. Not sure what is the medication and what is just life! What your counsellor said is true I hope :(

alicemac83 · 05/02/2014 16:10

I think that's normal. I feel like that sometimes too. I think my counsellor is definitely right, feelings don't just disappear - they will come back before you know it xx

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alicemac83 · 06/02/2014 09:35

How is everyone today? X

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dayzeroexploit · 06/02/2014 11:34

Just seen this thread and i thought I'd add my own experiences.

Citalopram - I found to be quite an ineffective drug, it didn't dent my depression at all. Different drugs suit different people. At the depths of my depression I was on 90mg Mirtazapine, 15mg Diazepam and 75mg of Venlafaxine all in a day, spread over the day of course. I'm now down to just 45mg of Mirtazapine in the evenings only.

Depression is environmental as well as chemical. I would suggest seeing your doctor once maybe twice a week to discuss how the drug/dosage is affecting you and discuss it indepth. Different drugs over different timespans or combinations of drugs are there to help and adjust the chemical.

Fingers crossed, you have a good GP, I went through four at my surgery, until by accident, I saw the head of the practice and he took it upon himself to book me regular bi-weekly appointments. After four months of trying to see Psych Services, he rang me one afternoon to tell me that he'd got me an appointment in two hours time. Sadly, I had to say no to it 'cos I had to collect DD's from school. I then got a letter from Psych Services saying in 5 days they'd close the case because I hadn't seen them. Well! a busy London borough, NHS Psych Services are exceptionally overloaded. I would have loved to get advice and help from a professional but my GP has done sterling service.

Be aware of your environment and the triggers for depression, yesterday because of the tube strike, the awful weather and the kids not being able to go to/get to school. I was thrown into quite a black mood - I alleviated by taking them swimming, it tired them out, they enjoyed it, they fell asleep early giving me a break.

I still have a prescription for diazepam but only to be used on as "as needed" basis (that was advice from my doctor). My" as needed" is when DW starts drinking heavily in the evening and starts difficult to understand drunk rambling conversations, I take the Diazepam in conjunction with the Mirtazapine to send me off to sleep quickly and deeply. Not good, but her drinking is one of my triggers to send me into the blackest of humours.

Another effect of depression, is the loafing around it causes, I've had to seriously force myself to do stuff. I've lost 2 stone since October when I was diagnosed with depression, in the main by watching what I eat and walking places. It was evident even to myself that in the run up to the diagnosis I was comfort eating and being indolent. In March I plan to start running in the evenings with my eldest DD in an effort to get us both mobile and a bit fitter.

There is no set timespan to depression, I'm ambivalent with the one day at a time approach, I was like that at first and I could see that I couldn't keep living like that. Take one day then turn it into three days at a time, then one week, start to grow your vision of when thing will become manageable over longer periods of time. In December I started to set myself small weekly achievable goals, I found this book [http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sketchnote-Handbook-Illustrated-Visual-Taking-ebook/dp/B00E981K1W/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1391683866&sr=8-1&keywords=sketchnotes Sketchnotes] invaluable. The methodology of sketching notes, plans, ideas, and goals, fitted well with the jumble of thoughts that appear at random to spring into my head.

Part of my depression was caused by financial problems, working at devising a coherent plan to solve it and making small tangible inroads via weekly goals has helped no end. Its helped me to take control of the situation and the environment (which wasn't helped by DW calling me a control-freak last night - I've never been a controlling person which, part in parcel, has been one of the environmental factors for my depression).

My last point is be aware of the effects that depression has on your nearest and dearest. Especially the circular, I'm depressed, it make DW and the DD's react in a certain way, I react to their reaction causing a spiral of events that aren't good for anyone. Again that's something I can take control of (by using Vogon poetry and Vulcan (TOS) logic), by seeing it as triggers and knee jerks.

I think I'm on the road now to recovery, my doctor has advised that I don't have to see him for a month to see how it goes.

So after all that, my summary is this, know you have depression and start to take control of it. Control the chemical - in consultation with your doctor. Control the environment - understand the triggers and cause and effect it has on you.

Wolfiefan · 06/02/2014 11:39

Hi everyone. I went back to the GP today. She seems to think I may be on too high a dose or the wrong pill entirely. I feel like a complete zombie. Been on citalopram for 2 weeks. She suggests one more week then make some sort of change.

EmpressOfTheWellOfLostPlots · 06/02/2014 11:42

I'm finding I can deal with things now that would have sent me into a meltdown a few weeks ago so from that point of view the Citalopram's helping. But yes still to the feeling a bit detached - I like the idea of emotions being put away temporarily.

EmpressOfTheWellOfLostPlots · 06/02/2014 11:43

Dayzero - frezzled gruntbuggly?

dayzeroexploit · 06/02/2014 12:11

often frezzled, but trying not to be gruntbuggley... I find Jabberwockey and the Eloheinu to be quite good mantras to push the dark thoughts out and fill my head with a certain degree of emptyness... mainly cos its not in english. Also the yiddish of my grandparents comes in useful too. Empress - give yourself a break and then try to discover the precursors of the metldowns, the little tells that something is going to happen

Wolfie - consider that a zombie state for a small period of time to be a good thing, it gives your poor old brain a rest from the whirlpool of thoughts that depression can bring on.

dayzeroexploit · 06/02/2014 12:13

sorry Empress missed the point I was going to make... once you get the feeling that somethings going to happen... do something different, not your usual way of doing it - does that make sense or am I rambling?

Wolfiefan · 06/02/2014 12:32

I have been anxious as well. But your suggestion of thinking of it as brain time out helps. I saw my GP today and said I hoped the zombie feeling was the pills. She seemed to think it may be the wrong dose or the wrong pill. She said some people don't really notice being on the dose I'm on. (But then when she prescribed sleeping pills she suggested I take two but one knocked me out completely!)

alicemac83 · 06/02/2014 15:28

HI Wolfiefan, what dose are you on? 2 weeks is still such early days... x

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TrueWorrier · 07/02/2014 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bea38 · 07/02/2014 15:15

Hi everyone,
I haven't read thro everything but I thought I'd message as I am also on citalopram at 30mg :)
I have always been an anxious person but not so it affected my day to day living but just after I had my son ( who is now 3 ) I was really bad and my anxiety had manifested itself into a really bad post natal depression and OCD! Was the most terrible time of my life! I was put on citalopram which at the time didn't work for me and so I tried several other meds and had a lot of therapy ( cbt ) I was on Trazodone for a long time which have a sedative quality to them ( as I never slept!) but as I started to come out the other side these were too strong so I gave citalopram another bash. This time rnd they have been amazing and have given me my life bk!!! :)
Md me feel a bit rubbish for about a month as they take a while to build up in ur system but I went from 10-20 no prob then 30. I did try 40 but I felt like I wanted to sleep all the time so went bk down.
Good luck and hang in there as anxiety has to be the worst thing ever!!! Hope they start working for u at a therapeutic level soon. ( u may also find some of your side effects may be the anxiety itself? Just a thought )

alicemac83 · 07/02/2014 18:28

Thank you Bea for posting, I'm so glad you're feeling well again!

Trueworrier, I think you're right about the sleeping making you feel bad, my worst days are always when I'm tired. I've started having really early nights to stop that from happening! Also, the fact that you had a lovely day means the depression is lifting! That's amazing.
I've had 7 good-ish days in a row now, I just feel nervous quite a lot of the time, a bit like butterflies xx

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alicemac83 · 09/02/2014 17:55

Hi all, how are you doing? I've been doing quite good... Although as well as butterflies I've been feeling a strange heavy heart feeling. It's really weird, as if something is pushing on my chest. It sometimes feels a bit like a burning sensation. Today I took an ibroprofen hoping it would help, but then I was worried about it interacting with the cit and ended up having an anxiety attack in the middle of m&s. It's annoying as I was doing so well. Has anyone else had this feeling in the chest? Xx

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EmpressOfTheWellOfLostPlots · 10/02/2014 00:08

Thanks, Dayzero. Yes, I know the signs now so I'm making sure I slow down and find someone to talk to.