Was diagnosed with depression yesterday. I suspect it started a while ago - the dc have been quite stressful for some months, finances haven't been great - but I didn't really notice properly until 2 weeks ago. I've always been prone to worrying, although even my dp hadn't realised to what extent because I don't like to put too much onto other people. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I lay in bed, not getting to sleep, and started to worry. One of my biggest worries has always been the dc - what if they get seriously ill, or have an accident, or somebody takes them etc etc. Somehow, it warped in my mind - so not only was I worrying about those things, I began to freak out that I might be the cause/the one to do it.
I haven't really slept properly since, I have no appetite, I'm throwing up at least once a day, I'm always on the verge of tears or actually crying. I do the things I'm supposed to do - I get the dc off to school, go to work, do stuff around the house - but it's all like I'm on autopilot. My doctor has prescribed citalopram, but I haven't started taking them yet because my dp works nights and I would rather he were home for the first few days. I plan to start on Sunday. I woke up this morning feeling fairly good though, maybe because I saw the doctor yesterday and I know there is help, but then it was completely shot to bits tonight. The dc started bickering again as soon as I went to put them to bed, then started hitting each other, and I just had a screaming rant at them. Now they're in bed miserable and I'm sitting here sobbing 
Sorry for the LONG post, just needed to get it out I think
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Mental health
The day started so well. . .
mouse26 · 17/01/2014 22:18
Afternoon 
You did well to calm down lasting - I usually end up being angry for the rest of the day and then feeling guilty because of it 
How are you today mouses - any better than yesterday?
I feel a bit off today, I've taken a slight step back I think rather than forward - I keep having little moments, I just want to go home to bed and stay there for at least a week. I'm sure I'll feel better again tomorrow though 
xx
lasting I have googled loads on bipolar an the differet types, when I put this info to the psychologist & psychiatrist they shunted it as self diagnosis which their not keen on 
I told them I know its some kind of bipolar and when looking typing into google what I do it came back a bipolar everytime or borderline personality disorder a couple of times. the spending comes and goes, I have the urge to do something, like a project. to make something or to redecorate in a certain style? but they refuse to see it as bipolar as I don't have substance abuse (if that's the term?) and I don't get into trouble? apparently you need all aspects to be classed as bipolar?
sorry that was long,
same wit me and the kids lasting, my tolerance to them is zero, the poor things! my anger definitely gets diverted towards them mostly.
mouse26 its hard aint it when you feel your coming through the other side ... only to trip up and go backwards
i guess im a little better today, i took the clothes i bought back to the shop.
Hi Lasting - That's brilliant, it really did make me laugh 
- How are you today?
I'm doing ok today. Still struggling to drag myself out of bed in the mornings but I've always been a bit lazy anyway Had to shout at ds1 again this morning. He was awake till 11pm last night (bedtime is 9pm) then complained that he hadn't had enough sleep, I asked him to get dressed and he just lay down on the floor for 10 minutes instead 
Mouses - It's a shame you had to take the clothes back How are you today?
yep, just about sums it up! they forgot to mention - leave your sanity in the maternity room on way out 
x
hi both
im feeling ok, im having a lazy (stare at laptop day today!) so much I could be doing but got no motivation.
yea took them back to try and regain the money ive been spending, but then bought an exercise item on ebay
kids grrrr! sure someone warned me about them - pre-motherhood.
I left dd to her own devices this morning, no chivvying along. She didn't do everything on her morning list and we got out of the house almost 10 min after we should have. Luckily we still got to school on time. Tomorrow I have an appointment so we need to leave 15 min earlier than usual, that's going to be interesting. She has digestive problems and spends ages in the bathroom at least twice a day which causes a lot of frustration.
This afternoon I had a lovely ride on my horse so at the moment all is well in my world.
the school should be lenient if she has digestive problems? sure thy would understand if she was a little late.
horse riding sounds very chilled....
mouse26 been meaning to ask why you use mouse?
I loves me mices so hence my name
xx
People complain because they sometimes struggle to hear me when I talk, apparently I'm quiet as a mouse
Hope you are both ok today
The weather has been miserable all day and I feel like a drowned rat today - maybe I should change my name?
It was DS2's 'parents day' today - They seem to think he may have dyspraxia and suggested we take him to the gp to have him assessed But at least if I'm worrying about this I'm not worrying about stuff I know I don't need to worry about
xx
He's 5, and extremely clumsy, constantly bruising his legs
Your poor dd, maybe in a couple of years she'll be glad she's next to the boys?
I overlaid again today, so we were late leaving the house and I only just made it in to work on time. The day did pass very quickly and was actually quite good, until I got home. DP let DS1's 'girlfriend' come round for tea, and then a neighbours child came round to see if she could play too. So I walk in to find what feels like a house full of children running all over the house, playing hide & seek in our bedroom and making more noise than I can bear. I wasn't impressed, I'm fine with children I know but struggle to cope around 'new' ones. All I wanted to do was come home, shower, get my night clothes on and slob on the sofa. Instead I had to feed a horde of kids and then tidy up all the mess they had made when DP went to work
Hope you both have nice and happy weekends with your families xxx
You are very quiet at the moment mouses - hope everythings alright?
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