Was diagnosed with depression yesterday. I suspect it started a while ago - the dc have been quite stressful for some months, finances haven't been great - but I didn't really notice properly until 2 weeks ago. I've always been prone to worrying, although even my dp hadn't realised to what extent because I don't like to put too much onto other people. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I lay in bed, not getting to sleep, and started to worry. One of my biggest worries has always been the dc - what if they get seriously ill, or have an accident, or somebody takes them etc etc. Somehow, it warped in my mind - so not only was I worrying about those things, I began to freak out that I might be the cause/the one to do it.
I haven't really slept properly since, I have no appetite, I'm throwing up at least once a day, I'm always on the verge of tears or actually crying. I do the things I'm supposed to do - I get the dc off to school, go to work, do stuff around the house - but it's all like I'm on autopilot. My doctor has prescribed citalopram, but I haven't started taking them yet because my dp works nights and I would rather he were home for the first few days. I plan to start on Sunday. I woke up this morning feeling fairly good though, maybe because I saw the doctor yesterday and I know there is help, but then it was completely shot to bits tonight. The dc started bickering again as soon as I went to put them to bed, then started hitting each other, and I just had a screaming rant at them. Now they're in bed miserable and I'm sitting here sobbing 
Sorry for the LONG post, just needed to get it out I think
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Mental health
The day started so well. . .
mouse26 · 17/01/2014 22:18
Dd can be a bit... uhm... challenging at times. 
We're in the middle of summer in sunny South Africa.
The way your psychiatrist treated you is shameful, I can't believe how people in the UK struggle to get decent MH help. You should have tried different meds long ago, not everybody responds the same to every medication. I've been on many different kinds, they either don't work, have horrific side effects, or work for a while and then stop. My psychiatrist says I'm "a tough nut to crack" but he didn't give up on me and I've been stable now for more than a year. I don't really know what to say... can only send you a ((HUG)).
cool, sounds lovely. winter here and its freeeezing!!!
yes your Dd sounds hard work, I have 3 dcs to tiptoe around and their conflicting behaviour can be too hard to handle.
ive been trying to get them to listen, I was getting more stressed so I gave up! not only that ive keep being told different poss diagnosis and its getting a little confusing. 
hug received thanks 
Lasting - your dd sounds as stubborn as my 9yo. I hope the concerta helps and you don't suffer too much with side effects. I wish it was summer here, its done nothing but rain today so I got wet as well as being freezing 
mouses - how did your visit go? I agree with lasting about the psychiatrist, I'm shocked that they have done so little to help
I overlaid this morning, dp was at work last night so I woke up with 20 minutes to get myself and the dc ready and out the door. We just made it, but I failed with the no shouting today. ds1 lied to me, over something really stupid, but it was still a lie so I shouted at him, then he dragged his feet all the way to the infant school. I got halfway to the junior school and just wanted to run back home and cry on the sofa again. I didn't though, I made myself carry on and eventually got to work. Work wasn't too bad today, I don't know whether I'm just getting used to it again or if it was just easier because one of my colleagues was off sick so I didn't have to listen to her moaning about how busy she is or making comments about nervous breakdowns and panic attacks (all very snide)
ds1 has been ok since we got home but then ds2 started And then of course it was the usual bickering, pushing and shoving between them at bed time 
((HUGS)) to you both - sounds like you both need it 
maybe your getting back into the routine of work, as for your moaning colleague id have to say something like 'im on a positive mind so lets keep it upbeat!'
hear me haha I do try and keep positive -still in practice.
oh lies! they get to me bad. my son is fluent in lies.
today didn't 'go', she never turned up 
great support! phoned to say ran late and will reschedule.
to add to her absence, Im trying to exchange house. someone text around 11:30am to say they would like to view, so arranged for 2pm.
....1pm comes and goes... no mh lady... 2pm comes and goes.... no viewers... text at 3pm to ask if they are still bothering... no reply! at all. 
just rude. BUT im practicing my positive thinking and kept my chin up. was hard not to let it grind on me. after all, I will let karma sort it out 
ive decided im gonna get back on my fitness track. will take my mind off things - with hope. xx
I hate when people arrange stuff and then don't keep to it, it is bloody rude
I don't expect my kids to be perfect - nobody is - but I really hate lies and he's such an obvious liar he really shouldn't bother, it never ends well for him
Xx
oh, might be the reason for her behaviour lasting? hope you get it sorted.
I was more annoyed with the house viewers not showing up. I had the grump more that id rushed out early yesterday to get things done before mh lady was due - when, if id known i didnt need to rush around!
yea, my kids aint got no luck of me getting out the door in 20mins!
Your poor dd lasting - kids can be so cruel . ds1 was bullied at his last school, we tried so many things to get it sorted but the school just weren't interested and we ended up moving him to a new school. He's much happier now. I hope you get it sorted too.
I think yesterday morning was the first and only time I will have ever had them ready and out in 20 minutes
Good morning ladies, how are you doing today?
DD used some of the tactics her dad suggested on the bully yesterday and said it seemed to work so she was a lot more upbeat last night.
I hope you and your families will have a good weekend.
That's good lasting - well done your dd
Terrible sleep again last night but I am up and ready for work.
Hope you both have a good weekend too xx
hi mouse
oh, last couple of days ...
dd had me up til 2am this morning, woke up late and missed the walk in gp for dd. im guessing tonsillitis cos shes saying her throat hurts??
so, thought id take a trip into local town to get myself some new makeup - trying to get my confidence up.
makeup lady offers to apply the make up before I buy, kids touching make up, im like a woman possessed! shouting through gritted teeth, then turning and smiling, trying to listen to the sales lady...
DS moves away, then touches something else, next thing, dd has knocked over pots of eyeshadows!!! £15 a pot!! all over her head, clothes, floor. I was near tears. and so embarrassed
I went to book an appointment with the personal shopper in debenhams (again one to tick off my list of things to try) I sit the kids down but they kept getting up and wondering, touching, then DD breaks the hand of a manaquin.
that was it, I had to leave and came home. sent Dp a snotty txt to ask if he's having s nice luxury day doing what he wants with no DC's!!!
sorry, rant over!
so, (breathe...) how have you been? xx
sounds like you've had a nice stressful day well done you for trying though, I always get freaked out at the thought of taking the DC into town, I just know it'll end in tears, (usually mine)
I had tonsillitis last year - it was awful. had these horrible white patches on my tonsils. Hope your dd gets better soon and you get a decent unbroken sleep.
My days been ok, had to take ds2 for a wander round our town to do his homework, there's pictures stuck in windows in and around our area and we have to find them. Great - I love wandering all over the place in the freezing cold only shouted at the DC a couple of times and both times well deserved I think. Ds2 seemed to think it would be a good idea to keep trying to grab the carrot I was chopping with a sharp knife, he doesn't seem too bothered about possibly losing his fingertips the pills seem to be working well for now and I got a good 8 hours sleep last night xxx
it happens every time I go out with them. always ends up me going home crying! I know they are just kids and it IS proper boring but I just cant cope with the stress out in public, the fear of people staring, judging. I get panicky
DD has had it a few times so probably will need them removed. im hoping to have a nice soak in the tub when kids drop off - then to bed.
i bet that was fun, strolling aroundin the cold teachers will be moaning that he's absent... cold he's off sick with a cold!
my ds comes home with a price list for his homework! needs ingredients for food tech, 2 loads of meterials for science and some other! .... atleast getting cold is free lol
im so glad the pills are working for you, sleep is SOOOO precious
xx
I'm dreading the day they come home with price lists - they'll probably only tell me they need the stuff on the day they actually need it too
Enjoy your soak xx
Well, I slept really well last night, although ds2 did wake me up a couple of times, he's got a bit of a cold woke up feeling better than I have done in Weeks i've had a couple of moments this weekend but they were mild compared with the last few weekends so can't complain
How were your weekends mouses & lasting xx
Mouses how is your dd?
Mouse26 that's brilliant that you had a good sleep, it just makes everything so much better.
I lost it badly with dd on Friday night over a school letter she (yet again) didn't bring home. It was the letter with the schedule for after school activities, which started today, and I had appointments to make for this week so needed to know what time I must pick her up every day. DH told me I was BU. (I had asked him to give me feedback.) I then started in on him 
and he quickly told me he won't give me feedback in future if I'm going to take it out on him. Not my finest hour, but I did think I had a point. I got the letter from a friend which was just as well as chess started for dd today. She still hasn't brought the letter home. The rest of the weekend was fine.
My oldest ds never brings any letters home, he's also 'lost' 3 school jumpers, 2 pe kits and a lunch bag in the last 4 months, I find it really infuriating so I do understand how easy it is to lose it over that kind if thing. Glad the rest of your weekend was ok
hey, sounds like a war!
dd has a viral infection so glands are up, she's getting better. even tho she's ill it hasn't stopped her playing me up!
mouse26 hope your ds gets better soon, it just adds weight to th shoulders when a child is ill.
lasting, can understand your frustration. my dp knows I can lose it abit and doesn't take it to heart (I think )
glad your weekend was good, mine was hell!
I was feeling so positive the other day, now im back down again feeling like a useless turd!!! wishing everything/one away. had a text argument with dp which left me feeling crap
my spending has gotten SO out of control im looking around the house for things to sell! before I cant afford to put a meal on the table.
that's my self pitty rant over......
xx
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dd sounds as stressed as you, maybe doing something together might help calm the mood, cinema or movie night with popcorn?
they cant seem to make up their mind what my diagnosis is, its been depression/anxiety, then bipolar, then clinical depression! I have my next appointment with the psychiatrist on 6th march. so it'll probably be something else
hows things mouse26? xx
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