I saw a black swan dying

[thedyingswan]

I was walking in town, and suddenly saw a black swan who was shivering and obviously dying. I got scared. But the thing was that it was only a black rubbish bag. Not a swan. What does this mean. I have been feeling suicidal lately.

Hello swan sorry it's been ages since you posted. Are you ok? What sticks out to me here is the suicidal thoughts you've been having. What is your mental health history? Do you have any health professionals who look after you? You sound very poorly to me.

I suffer from depression and sometimes see things. I am on medication but it does not seem to work.

The swan had so bright eyes and it was so obvious she is going to die. I was in shock and thought we must stop her suffering.

That sounds really sad

Do you think it's worth going to the GP to have your meds reviewed? I hope you can - I'd ring and see if you can make an emergency appointment today. You are clearly unwell and suicidal thoughts definitely constitute an emergency.

I have a med review coming in couple of days. I won't do anything before that. I feel unwell but able to cope until then.

When I see these things it feels I am in some kind of zone. I can see to another reality. Then suddenly I come back. Poor swan. I can't forget how bad she looked. Hopefully some one helped her.

oh no. I was supposed to see cpn tomorrow, but she is off sick this week. I thought I could survive until med review with her help. Now I don't have anything. Really downer.

Sorry I've only just seen your post. Who do you need to call to book an emergency appointment with someone else?

The review is tomorrow. I will make it there.

Good luck, thinking of you.

The review was good in theory but not in practise. As my cpn is off sick other cpn was supposed to call me this afternoon to ask how I am. Nobody called.
Also, more support was promised by seeing cpn once or twice a week. I am starting to think this won't happen either.

Oh no thedyingswan, what went wrong with the review, or was that what your CPN was supposed to be doing? I hope you do get the support you need.

The fact that no one called me. I can't believe other promises will take place either. I don't really know how that place works. If I can just call them.

Cmht is not working at all. Too many people are sick. I was more promised more support but it is not materialising. Tomorrow I will go to gp to ask what should I do.

How have you been feeling the last couple of days swan? Can you get an appointment tomorrow?

I have been feeling little bit better after bigger dose of med. I still have suicidal thoughts. I can get an appointment tomorrow, if I want. This forgetting to call has happened twice. Why even bother to promise to call if they are so out of work force.

Glad you're feeling a bit better. I think it's definitely worth a visit tomorrow. Explain what's happened in the last couple of weeks and make it clear you need support. Hope they can help you a bit more

I should be blamed too. I was not completely honest with the psych. When he started to mention crisis team/hospital my suicidality decreased. But at the end I was happy with the plan he suggested about more support etc.