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Original poster

She's put harming/suicidal thoughts back in my head

74 replies

KissMyStardust · 05/12/2013 16:51

Please help, Im in a bit of a panic. Saw (future) mil today and she has someone put the bad suicidal thoughts back in my head...I know it sounds odd and I don't know how she did it...somesort of poison or derren brown type suggestion maybe. I was doing well recently and the self harm thoughts had diminished so much but I see now that was possibly due to reduced contact with mil.

Im under care of cmht...im scared to call them though as im scared it Will not be safe. my thoughts are rushing so much. trying tp keep it together till dp is home. dd watching beebies...im scared she'll see my thoughts, don't want to upset her, she's a wee star.

OP posts:
SnowyMouse · 05/12/2013 17:07

It sounds like you do need to talk to CMHT, or even just show them this post.

livenlet · 05/12/2013 17:18

I feel pain 4 u hold it together 4 dd sake you oviosly love her, r you taking meds ,I oviously dont know situation with mil but I used to sometimes read in to things to much and see/hear things different from how they were, if this isnt case dont let mil win dont fall in to trap

tiredlady · 05/12/2013 17:21

OP
I do think you need to tell your MH team what you are feeling asap. Are you at home alone? Where is your partner. Can you tell him?

Original poster
KissMyStardust · 05/12/2013 17:23

im taking my meds still- olanzapine and sertraline, though i feel they dull how clearly I can see things.

mil wants me to be ill so she can take dd.

OP posts:
Original poster
KissMyStardust · 05/12/2013 17:25

alone with dd just now but dp home soon...im scared he won't believe me.

OP posts:
tiredlady · 05/12/2013 17:27

OP
Have you had these experiences before? Are you being prescribed olanzepine for psychosis or for something else?
Sorry to ask you lots of questions but what you are saying does sound worrying. Is there anyone you could talk to in real life?

tiredlady · 05/12/2013 17:27

Please talk to your dp

livenlet · 05/12/2013 17:34

What I meant to say was talk with dp he must listen hes soon to b dh and u have dd with him what time is he home

livenlet · 05/12/2013 17:34

What I meant to say was talk with dp he must listen hes soon to b dh and u have dd with him what time is he home

Original poster
KissMyStardust · 05/12/2013 17:35

olanzapine to help depression and calm my thoughts.

Mil was trying to steal dd as a baby, though only i could see it...i still know it was true but nobody believed me. I see now the plan is to make me ill so Im out of the picture. I feel so anxious and am sweating, my heart is racing. taken 5mg olanzapine so can try to calm.

OP posts:
Original poster
KissMyStardust · 05/12/2013 17:36

he'll be another half hour, lots of transport cancelled.

OP posts:
smokeandglitter · 05/12/2013 17:43

Kiss, I'm sorry you're feeling like this, it's horrible. I sometimes have similar feelings to you. I think you need to contact CMHT straight away. Is it possible to call the duty worker or if you have the home treatment team/crisis line number then they could help. If your DP or family/close friend are supportive then let them know how you are feeling if you can.

Just a question (don't worry if you don't want to answer on here, but might be worth mentioning to CMHT when you contact them) have you been taking your medication as prescribed? I know it can feel like the meds are dulling you as you mention above and I have skipped mine before because of this.

Also, do you have any PRN medication that you tend to take if you get anxious? When you phone CMHT, it might be worth asking if it's a good idea to take some.

Lots of love to you, Kiss. We're here if you need us.

smokeandglitter · 05/12/2013 17:45

Just saw you've taken some olanzapine. Definitely phone CMHT though, Kiss. I think it's really important.

livenlet · 05/12/2013 18:01

sorry dds had scrap , after reading what youve just written I have to agree with smoke dont b anxious its what they are there for

passerby123 · 05/12/2013 18:16

Good you know it sounds odd, at least.

smokeandglitter · 06/12/2013 08:24

Kiss, how did you get on? Did you manage to phone CMHT? Thinking of you.

Original poster
KissMyStardust · 06/12/2013 16:27

I had a sleep when dp got in and was a lot calmer when got up as olanzapine had taken effect. Today I feel a lot calmer so didn't call cmht as i don't like them thinking i can't cope.
I have urge to hurt myself but I know its not my fault as she has somehow made these thoughts come back.

OP posts:
smokeandglitter · 06/12/2013 16:51

I'm glad you're feeling calmer, kiss.

This isn't going to be exactly what you want to hear, but I think it's important to say. It is important to phone CMHT and try and meet up with your key worker. It isn't about them thinking you can't cope, it is about keeping you as well as possible. If you are having these thoughts it is really important to catch them early because we both know that they can progress and spiral out of control. You've made such a brave step, coming on here and talking about it, now it is important you take that step and let your key worker know how you are feeling. The people who work at CMHT, including your key worker, are there to help, not to judge.

Lots of love.

passerby123 · 06/12/2013 17:32

Could it just be that your future MIL just reminds you about some traumatic happening, and therefore you feel suicidal?

I am a very good liar and I can manipulate people if I wish. But I would find it very difficult to get some one feeling suicidal without using any non-transparent methods. I am a chemist as well, and I haven't heard about any "suicidal poison" either (if you believe me :D).

Original poster
KissMyStardust · 06/12/2013 20:42

I haven't phoned cmht as will go through to crisis team as weekend now - they are generally useless. normal cmht are good.

have not taken olanzapine today as i think it has been numbing me to reality.

Sitting alone drinking brandy of all things! Feel like an epic waste of space...can't believe mil has done this to get dd.

OP posts:
Original poster
KissMyStardust · 06/12/2013 21:18

Is anyone around? I don't think i feel very well.

OP posts:
Golddigger · 06/12/2013 21:23

Hi
I dont think you are very well.
How often are you supposed to take your olanzapine?

CMOTDibbler · 06/12/2013 21:24

I think you really, really need to call the crisis team Kiss

Original poster
KissMyStardust · 06/12/2013 21:27

supposed to take it everyday but it is dulling my thoughts.

i have let dd down...im scared what will happen to her. she's smart and funny...im just not good enough for her. im scared mil will get to take her.

OP posts:
adiia · 06/12/2013 21:27

OP where is your dp?