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Mental health

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Original poster

She's put harming/suicidal thoughts back in my head

74 replies

KissMyStardust · 05/12/2013 16:51

Please help, Im in a bit of a panic. Saw (future) mil today and she has someone put the bad suicidal thoughts back in my head...I know it sounds odd and I don't know how she did it...somesort of poison or derren brown type suggestion maybe. I was doing well recently and the self harm thoughts had diminished so much but I see now that was possibly due to reduced contact with mil.

Im under care of cmht...im scared to call them though as im scared it Will not be safe. my thoughts are rushing so much. trying tp keep it together till dp is home. dd watching beebies...im scared she'll see my thoughts, don't want to upset her, she's a wee star.

OP posts:

3FrenchHenD19s · 06/12/2013 22:35

Great idea to phone MHD direct. Click on username on post to pm someone on phone. Your dp will be with you really soon now.

3FrenchHenD19s · 06/12/2013 22:35

Nhs not MHD sorry. On my bloody phone too

Original poster

KissMyStardust · 06/12/2013 22:43

dp is home, making more tea. i told him that mil put the bad thoughts there, i think he is on my side.

OP posts:

3FrenchHenD19s · 06/12/2013 22:46

Glad he's home and you've told him how you're feeling. Hope you'll be feeling better soon kiss

smokeandglitter · 06/12/2013 22:46

Sweetheart, at the moment you're not well. Try not to concentrate on sides. I'm glad your DP is home. Did you manage to get the crisis line number? Would he ring it for you if you feel unable?

IamChristmas · 07/12/2013 00:03

Hope you're ok op x

3FrenchHenD19s · 07/12/2013 02:59

Popped back to check you're ok kiss. Hope you're managing to get some sleep.

sporktacular · 07/12/2013 04:17

Mumsnet is brilliant.

Hope you're ok kiss.

Is your DP on mumsnet? I wonder if he would like some support too.

Take really good care of yourself xx

violator · 07/12/2013 08:14

How are you this morning Kiss?

Original poster

KissMyStardust · 07/12/2013 08:46

Managed some sleep, good considering usually can't sleep without olanzapine. feeling less scared now, going to call cmht on Monday as I think the meds have poisoned my mind so need to stop them. at the moment still taking the sertraline though.

dd been up since 6, she is so funny in the morning, full of fun.

OP posts:

violator · 07/12/2013 09:29

That's good. Olanzapine is a great help. Is your DH home for the weekend now?
My DS is so funny too! Is your DD excited for Christmas?

Original poster

KissMyStardust · 07/12/2013 10:05

DP Will be out later but my head is much more clear without the olanzapine, i just need time to think and see things clearly.

i feel more like myself today, stronger to fight the bad thoughts.

DD is still bit young to understand but loves dancing about to xmas tunes and pulling all the decorations off the tree.

OP posts:

smokeandglitter · 07/12/2013 10:38

Hi kiss, really glad you managed some sleep and you're feeling a bit less scared. Keep taking the Olanzapine until you've spoken to CMHT and seen your Dr.

Bless your DD! She sounds like a bundle of joy! Hope you have a lovely day with her today!

What has DP said?

WankingInAWinterWonderland · 07/12/2013 10:59

Kiss please keep taking the Olanzipine, I know you think they are the problem but they should help, I take the same combo as you on different dosages, it may be you need the Olanzipine upped a little bit but your CMHT will help you on Monday or before if you need to talk to them.

Take care of yourself.

ifyousee · 07/12/2013 15:03

One should not stop meds suddenly, I think.

Anyways, I am bit confused here. First it was your mil and now it is your olanzapine that messes up your head.

smokeandglitter · 07/12/2013 16:48

ifyousee, it can be very confusing when you're not feeling well, but Kiss did mention early on that she felt the Olanzipine was dulling her thoughts as well as her feeling that her MIL in placing thoughts in her head. You're right that it isn't a good idea to stop meds suddenly. Sorry, I don't mean that to sound patronising - not sure I worded that well.

The most important thing is that Kiss contacts the CMHT who can help with medication and well being. It's also important she lets her DP know how she's doing so he can support her, which she's doing.

DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts · 07/12/2013 21:03

I'm so glad you've been brave enough to tell someone and you're planning on phoning CMHT on Monday. It's really hard when everything feels weird and wrong and you can't quite work out what's happening.

I think you need some expert help about the medicines too, as maybe you're getting side effects which are making you worse, or maybe you're taking the wrong dose for you, or maybe you need to carry on to get the benefit - so difficult to know especially when it's happening to you.

Here's my story about medicines - dont read if you're tired and knackered as its a bit long and I don't want to make you drained!

I was on some amazing 'wonder drug' which was supposed to stop nerve damage pain as well as being an anti-depressant. It wasn't lisenced in the UK and I really wish I hadn't asked about it as it turns out its not a good one at all. It made the pain massively worse, have me heart palpitations and high anxiety and made me suicidal. I definitely wasn't thinking properly and I had no idea what to do or what was wrong.

When I came off them (v slowly and gently though), my brain cleared and it was like I'd been in hell those months. But i didnt just go cold turkey as that woyld have been a bit unsafe. So I am a bit worried about you doing that without help

Then I tried another med and it helped this time... So it wasn't just coming off the medication that helped, it was having an expert working with me to get the drugs right.

I really hope you can bear it to reach out and get some of that help and advice. It's really good to get a professional who knows all about medicines to help you find the right combination and dosages for you.

Good luck and lots of nice thoughts wafting in your direction

Original poster

KissMyStardust · 07/12/2013 22:26

mil somehow put bad thoughts in my head, that are not my own the olanzapine clouds my own thoughts so they are swimming in my head but i can't seem to focus on them - that's the best way i can describe it.

i have taken my olanzapine today, it has calmed me down but i don't think i am well as my thoughts are still racing and confusing me...this is not good for me as is similar to how i felt when i was unwell before.

i haven't been drinking tonight which is good.

OP posts:

3FrenchHenD19s · 07/12/2013 22:31

Hi kiss. How's your day been?

I think that others are right and you shouldn't stop taking your meds without consulting the docs. I think you'll feel calmer once you've spoken to CHMT on Monday.

GimmeDaBoobehz · 07/12/2013 22:38

Oh dear kiss hope you have managed to get to sleep now .

Must be horrible to feel how you are right now.

Feel free to keep sharing whatever you feel.

ifyousee · 08/12/2013 06:45

I am still confused but I guess it is good kiss knows what's wrong. Right?

violator · 08/12/2013 09:11

How was last night for you Kiss? Hope you got some sleep.
Definitely agree you need to stick with your meds until you get to chat to the pros about what to do next.

I had a few wobbles on meds too but Olanzapine turned out to be a miracle for me, once we got the doses right. I didn't even need to stay on it for ages, it helped sort things out and I'm fine now. You will be too.

violator · 08/12/2013 09:13

Oh and try not to have a drink if you can. It didn't really mix well with the meds for me either. When things have settled down and you're feeling better you can celebrate with a glass!

smokeandglitter · 08/12/2013 10:04

Glad you took the Olanzapine, Kiss, and avoided alcohol.

Hope last night was ok. What is DP saying? Is he being supportive?

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