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Original poster

She's put harming/suicidal thoughts back in my head

74 replies

KissMyStardust · 05/12/2013 16:51

Please help, Im in a bit of a panic. Saw (future) mil today and she has someone put the bad suicidal thoughts back in my head...I know it sounds odd and I don't know how she did it...somesort of poison or derren brown type suggestion maybe. I was doing well recently and the self harm thoughts had diminished so much but I see now that was possibly due to reduced contact with mil.

Im under care of cmht...im scared to call them though as im scared it Will not be safe. my thoughts are rushing so much. trying tp keep it together till dp is home. dd watching beebies...im scared she'll see my thoughts, don't want to upset her, she's a wee star.

OP posts:
Original poster
KissMyStardust · 06/12/2013 21:28

he is out on work xmas do...im scared he'll be angry with me.

OP posts:
Preciousbane · 06/12/2013 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

violator · 06/12/2013 21:33

How long have you been taking sertraline?
I had a horrifically bad reaction to it. I thought I was losing my mind, it made me much much worse.
I also had a bad reaction to Escitalopram and was given olanzapine to calm me down with it.
Olanzapine helped a lot. What dosage are you taking?

Have you contacted a doctor or crisis team yet pet?

Golddigger · 06/12/2013 21:33

I dont think that he will be angry with you.

Getting help is good.

Preciousbane · 06/12/2013 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
KissMyStardust · 06/12/2013 21:44

have been taking sertralinr and olanzapine over a year now, 200mg and 5mg...it just doesn't work anymore.

i called dp, he's coming home.

im scared. i keep having flashing pictures in my head of harming myself.

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 06/12/2013 21:46

Well done on calling your dp. How about making a cup of tea while you wait for him?

3FrenchHenD19s · 06/12/2013 21:47

Your dp will be back soon so hang in in there. Lie down and take some deep breaths.

Original poster
KissMyStardust · 06/12/2013 21:50

tea is good.

OP posts:
DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts · 06/12/2013 21:51

Hang on in there like others have said. You don't sound very well and I think you need to tell someone as they can help you.

livenlet · 06/12/2013 21:52

Hey kiss put down the bottle and go to bed I think you need to have a serious chat wiht dp tomorro , your clearly very low right now no one is better 4 dd than mummy , you need to take meds every day dont stop taking them talk to doc about changeing them come on be strong sleep is what is best 4 you right nnow call team in morning , please

3FrenchHenD19s · 06/12/2013 22:02

Tea is good so hope you're having a cup now while you wait for dp.

3FrenchHenD19s · 06/12/2013 22:08

Is he there yet kiss?

Original poster
KissMyStardust · 06/12/2013 22:16

he will be home in a half hour. i feel like i can't keep fighting this, i will lose and mil will take dd.

OP posts:
smokeandglitter · 06/12/2013 22:16

Hi Kiss, I understand crisis team aren't always that helpful - had problems with them before. Try to avoid alcohol (boring, I know) as it might not help. It can dull the effects of medication, interact with it, or make your worries more severe.

I know meds can seem horrible. I've been on Olanzapine before too. Try to keep on top of taking the prescribed dose daily and then if you really aren't getting on with it talk to your Dr at CMHT and they can discuss other options with you. You haven't let your DD down. Getting the support you need is very important, and I am sure they will listen to you if you aren't getting on with Olanzapine, but until you can get advice from your Psychiatrist you do need to continue to take it.

You're not a waste of space at all. You obviously love your DD very much. I think phoning crisis line is the way forward, they can at least talk to you and can support you in letting your key worker and dr in CMHT know how you were doing over the weekend.

ProfondoRosso · 06/12/2013 22:17

Kiss, it sounds like you're really in the depths right now and that feels terrifying. But my love, just know it won't last. Feeling so scared is horrible.

Find some moments of solace and hold on to them. Dp is coming home, wrap yourself up in a warm blanket and drink your tea. You know you need to phone the CMHT at first chance or even the crisis team, though I know you've not found them so helpful.

You are going to be fine - nobody has the power to put thoughts in your mind against your will. I know how scary it is not to be able to see/feel what's real so you must be kind to yourself and talk to someone asap. Thinking of you.

smokeandglitter · 06/12/2013 22:20

Just seen pg2. Glad your DP is coming home, Kiss. Let him know how you are feeling, I am sure he won't be cross. If you don't want to speak to crisis line remember that he can phone for advice too. My DH has done this for me, as have some of my close friends.

You're a strong person. You can get through this. It's important that you have support around you so talking to DP is a really good step.

Original poster
KissMyStardust · 06/12/2013 22:26

can't find my card with crisis team number...called cmht centre but didn't redirect to out of hours. i think its a sign.

OP posts:
smokeandglitter · 06/12/2013 22:27

It's not a sign. Hold on, I'll see if I can find my card for the crisis line switchboard.

Original poster
KissMyStardust · 06/12/2013 22:28

mil has possibly hidden my numbers.

OP posts:
smokeandglitter · 06/12/2013 22:28

Where are you OP? Can you PM me?

3FrenchHenD19s · 06/12/2013 22:29

Look the no up on the Internet. IT IS NOT A SIGN

Original poster
KissMyStardust · 06/12/2013 22:33

on my mobile...can't see how to pm as usually on desktop. calling nhs 24.

OP posts:
3FrenchHenD19s · 06/12/2013 22:34

Just checked numbers on the net. Ypu could phone tge samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 or 999 if you're feeling really bad and have lost the numbers.

smokeandglitter · 06/12/2013 22:35

Well done, Kiss. They should be able to give you the crisis line for your area. Lots of love.