well today feel better for nights sleep too no chances and took 20mg temazapam.
I have attempted to do housework and spent 2hours on girls room of doom.
The little ones have been usual hard work making mess,arguing not eating their lunch.
Nearly time for pm school run and dreading that its dry but cold.
have flipping rainbows run tonight.
Aim is get little ones bed early again..
hubbys not home until 7.30 picking eldest up from brownies.
im sure want a medal as he was up last night and did breckfast club school run this morning.
I havent done any admin tasks feel overwhelmed.
still dont know what to do about hospital appointment and preshcool clash.Mil has dental appointment that week!
I know i sound mean for resenting mil but shes so bloody difficult even more so now hubby only has 1 day offa week so cramming in too much stuff.
Yesterday was so down about weight and the shitty afternoon that i binge ate all day--wasent sick just ate loads.
Today im back to eating little feeling guilty. got so stressed lunchtime had choc mouse then was sick but fel calmer afterwards,
Sometimes i think about confiding my disordered eating with hubby but know he be angry and at moment its my comfort and way of coping when overwhelmed.
I wish my moods were more consistant some days im fine and normal then some days cant see wood for trees feel tearful, stressed, overwhelmed. Its like all positivity just drains away.
Its been months now and keep hoping it will lift I know im maybe bot depressed. im bit of a perfectionist and as i have no support from family or freinds im used to doing loads but latly feel like its all too much.
Wasent really envious over freinds wealth its more the support structure she has she has options where as i feel stuck in house i hate, doing driving lessons but almost scared of passing.
This is first time had 2 toddlers at home and finding them a challenge and dont want to admit im struggling and everyone assumes i cope as i always do.
Im scared of confronting my issues as at moment not sure they can be resolved I cant magic up helpful freinds and family to babysit or occasional school pickup if im stuck.
Looks like hubbys fabby new job is maybe same salary as before or aybe even less for more hours and less flexible shifts so he helps out less than he used to.
The house -until landlord sells I guess we be here then stressfully trying find somewhere will start seriously looking after xmas.
I feel like want new area fresh start.
I know lucky live in nice area but feels more pressure as everyone around me seems to look better, have more active lives as they have money maybe im just bein insecure.
I think thats why focussed on looking thin for xmas as dont need money to achieve that. I lost no weight at all last week and need to lose 9lb by xmas.If i dont will feel i failed and feel even more crap.