if you feel those winter blues, move to our Village, spread the news!

[ThatVikRinA22]

new thread folks.....im losing track but i think this might be our 7th!

all welcome. old and new. This is a supportive place for anyone suffering with any type of mental health issue.

im on Sertraline (ADs) and have been since last December. I had 6 months off work with depression and anxiety and the ladies on these threads kept me going.

Feel free to post, to comment, to ask questions, or just to lurk and feel less alone.
everyone in the village is lovely.

LEM is there any carers' organisation in your area? Or maybe an Altzheimer's organistion or Age UK? Someone who has seen this kind of pattern play out before. Also I know you've had a thread about this, did you post it in Elderly Parents? - where there are others who've lived this.

Crap that your DM's undermining of you seems to be echoed by your DP and DD

She doesn't have alzheimers, nor am i a carer. I have tried to get support from the doctors but they wont help because she wont ask for help herself. the thing is silvery is that she has always been like this, its not because she is elderly. I just want to be good enough - for someone

DP thinks i am selfish

I know you may not be a carer officially, whatever that means. But you are performing caring duties and they are affecting you. And she is not the only old person to have always been like this. Reach out for some understanding help if you can - (I realise this may not be easy for you)

morinng guys hope everyones feeling ok today.

Lem you reminded me sometime in past when feel troubled I used to walk for hours. I lived ina bit of party house in final year at uni alwys lots of drugs, drink and stuff going on.

Sometimes my flatmate would lose it by drinking whole bottle vodka, valuim and snorting coke so used to just walk for miles around the city early hours of the morning helped clear my head. Dont random walk now due to kids but sometimes worked to calm me down.

lollipop-fab news about photos I hate photos so rarly any of me on fb just the kids.even in school my photos were crap.Not totally happy with wedding ones either.

Colouring hope you ok. I managed to lose my key so borrowing hubby,s only key and getting nervous need to get another one cut last time looked out managed to get through kitchen window as my 2 year old has locked himself in the house and was screaming.

Im getting increasingly anxious at panicy. The other month got panic attack in m&s food hall.

well the the dentist spent all wed night feeling nervous an sick.

googled the dosage dizapam before treatment said 10 mg and gp had only given me 14 2mg so took 5! Well it went ok new dentist great with nervous patiants delayed filling for another day i felt bit high and quite happy and appreciated why in 60s and 70s it was mummy,s little helper now they class benzos like the heroin and hard to get.

Then we went to sainsburys do Mil shopping normally stressed out but kind of floated round in a daze.

Hubby suggested we go local pub for lunch we not been out for so long has 2 year old with us but by himself he can be good. sat by the fire was nice.

I stressed over the menu then picked lowest calorie dish on the menu.
Had 1 pint then went hope felt sleepy so hubby did school pick up, gym and picked middle one up from nursery.

what sees to happen is i have some good days then go crashing.

Friday was hard and yesterday was disaster.

hubby,s working all weekend and just felt overwhelmed all 3 kid.s yesterday by arguing.

Trying to sort house out they make so much mess.

right now they doing unsupervised crafts but least gives me so peace.
As sometimes just feel suffocated like cant even go loo by myself and they don't listen then I shout then I feel like sit parent who,s. lost control and i should love the more which I know is irrational.

With the youngest feel like over love him and my worries about him consume me.Got upset when someone asked if he was autistic or something last week as whys he not talking. each week he don't talk I feel even more insecure fed up of the comments and automatically think people must think im a bad mum.

Hubby came home after I had made stressed phone call saying i need him home but he had to go see his mu after work feel resentful as i needed him then i feel like selfish moo.he saw that downstairs was a mess and thought i had done nothing all day said see u had productive day did some leftover washing up within then makes me feel even more rubbish.
'
he did see small boys room but dont think he appeciates this.
feel like what ever i do is not enough he wants so manys rooms deep cleaned and miimalist including cupboard under the stairs.

I truth I just dont have the energy I struggle most days.
hubbys started taking eldest breckfast club 4/5days now this term so dont have to stress about getting her there on time and sleeping pills ake me kind of groggy got 1 zopliclone left before start on temazpam. had few nights without pills last week and felt terrible I need sleep.

I made effort to ring and message some family members and freinds not to tell the my problems put in the perfect life but let them know im still here.
I went to nearly new sale at eldests old school and felt rubbish as havent see them in few months they were freindly enough but felt awquard.

I think landlord may sell up so looking for another house after xmas to add to my stress levels.

I havent been since last monday as dont like people being in the house or possibility of anyone finding out.So im mostly in restrictive, organisational obsession phase around food right now.

I have lied to hubby said I eaten when i havent. hid and binned food.
take few bites of their meals then say im not feeling well.
I a eating i not anorexic just very disordered eating I guess im stiill a big size.I dont keep scales at home. I was hoping to drop a dress size by xmas.I wish all sizes from different shops be standardised.

even after teeth lean teeth don't feel right kind of rough so think have
new teeth cleaning obsession.

I got upset about the news that lady with pnd went missing and died she was gp which worried me more. I dot think i have pnd as small boys 2.7 and last 6 months i been on downward spiral mostly brought on by hubbys work situation.I dont know whats wrong with me

I guess anxiety, maybe some depression and tearful a lot.
Like to spend long periods alone and in dark.
eatings not huge issue right now im not excessivly vommiting and i am eating . Comparing to uni years looking back I had some some problems that dident really deal with.

I then graduated, started work, met my husband, married had kids and apart from down periods which past my eating had been fine.
I don't want my 7year old to pick up on my eating issues.
Hubby would be disgusted and wouldent understand he thinks its well and truly in past and was problem before we met.

I cracked last night and confided in someone online.my ex as was talking to im about his problems and mentioned oh by way im still being sick. He dident seem shocked or surprised I think he always knew and never bothered him.So no lectures which was good he just listened and he has lots of issues of his own and unhealthy ways of coping.

apologies for epic essay.

LEM-Hang i there know how it is.

my il equally demanding and ocd in diffrent ways.
but thankfully my husband deals with her.

do you have any siblings? you mentione her sister is that great aunt is she around as my nan and her sister we incredibly close.But nan sister was odd and used to drive nan crazy.

sounds like your other half could be more supportive.

Not sure how old your dd is my eldest is 7 and shes totally a daddies girl he lets her get away with murder.

As he has 7weeks off they got used to hi being around now hes working 6days and long days they act up even more and when I tell them off they cry I want daddy!

The clothes thing and not listening must be a girl thing i have it with 7 year old and now my 4 year old trowing strop over what to wear each day and telling dd1 she must wear cardie or school jumper as its bloody freezing.

At times feel insecure like they think dads more fun that they love hi more but he doesnt have to deal with day to day crap that we do.

hope weekend/week improved for you.

might be worth putting cheap wanted on gum tree or local group seen people selling microwaves fora tenner.theres also shops thats ell 2nd hand ones.other than that just make sure hse has bread, ham lots colds stuff and snacks in house so she dont go hungry.

could meals on wheels or social services help in some way?

3asABird I am well now (used to be v depressed, but much of that was due to my (now) Ex)) and I still find I have a pattern of doing stuff for a couple of days and then needing at least a day's downtime. Luckily I am retired and kids grown, so I can plan my time with this in mind.

Like you, I have always found walking on my own to be helpful - it helps me get some perspective on life, especially if there is some sort of vista to look at.

Thankyou 3asabird - much appreciated. My mum can afford microwave although its actually a cooker she needs she wont buy one. So i persuaded her to have a combi microwave/cooker/grill but after he thew her toys yesterday, she caught me at a bad moment, any other time I would have sucked it up. But then why should i? really?? She made my dad's life hell and now its my turn. My DP has been horrible this weekend, but he is generally supportive so i am worried there is something he isn't telling me I think he has just had enough. I am dreading christmas - i have been trying to look forward to it but i knwo she is going to ruin it.

I have tried to get help for my mum, i approached her GP and explained about things, i do feel sorry for her but in reality i can now see that it is because of her that i have such low self esteem and anxiety. It is hard for me to bury my resentment when i am running myself ragged for her and she is talking to me like shit.

She goes like this, she has a meltdown then is nice as pie a few days later - if she was my DP people would tell me to LTB im sure.

I feel bad writing that, but its true.

bollocks, just cut my self :( :( It felt good at the time, only superficial thankfully but it is going to mark

So sorry hear that LEM. I went to very brief period of cutting in final year uni but guess throwing up same thing calms me down when my feelings and stress overwhelm me.

My great aunt dident have kids and my aunt got lumbered with her when went quite odd was demanding and manipulative sounds very similar to your mum.

My mil has got worse since fil dies refuses go out, see gp, do specific stuff shes ocd over times will only see one child at a time thrown me at the house, had ago at me over phone and goes into meltdowns over slightest thing.

Its normal to get worn down by it .I know i get fed up having lives controlled by her and find her bit selfish.Then hubby gets home we have row and he gets all sad and says but shes my mum she cant help how she is.

I think its more common with older people as heard similar stories from others I know.

As for your dp hes probably just tired and maybe stressed seeing you upset.

My down days have caused a few rows between me and mine wit him saying i need to be more positive, less selfish and think about him.

All i think about is him and the kids always put me last.

his list

work
his mum
kids
then me.

feel invisible at times like I ave no needs that they dont matter no one notices every ones busy with their own lives.

silvery pussycat yes sometimes need some downtime and quiet time with 3 kids and no family nearby and hubby who works so many hours doesnt happen very often.

Worry im becoming more reclusive last few months just wanting to be by myself.

Husband sleeps on sofa most nights. i go up bed early and try do things to chill before taking a sleeping pill.

Im scared to be honest with gp as at moment I have no official diagnosis.
I havent been on anti dis since 2002.
i still keeping up pretence to freinds and family thats, every things ok.
I try take one day at a time and be positive.

I guess its dawned on me recently that dont see my best mates much they have no kids and full time jobs and social lifes.
I have no good mummy freinds locally.
no family local an go months without seeing family and no longer see mil.
I do make polite chit at at school pickup.

I now only go one group a month which do as i volunteer at breastfeeding support , I cant face toddler groups.

Typical day get up. spend most day in house occasionally go food shopping bank.

pick dd1 up fro school make polite hit chat

take dd1 after school club.
make tea
homework bed whilst hubbys at work.

an go some days without talking to anyone.

nobody notices me or would know something was amiss.

had hair cut last week very few people noticed /commented.

I am very much alone in all my years never felt as alone as i feel now.

Hi to everyone.

Hugs to everyone who needs them today esp lem and 3.

lem your mother puts you through the mill. And as you say, has contributed a lot to your mental health issues. I know it was just the once but please try not to cut again - I think that could be easy to get into the habit of - and don't let her add another burden to your load. Dhs do have bad weekends tho I know how hard it is to take. My dd has also turned into a daddy's girl. It is normal at this age but I completely get how hard it is as ime it feels like they're turning to their dads because we're not 100%. But they would have done so anyway. Take care, thinking of you.

3 that loneliness sounds tough. For me the prefe rring to be reclusive is a bit of a warning sign but I know how it a vicious circle. Do you have a health visitor? I wondered if you could open up to friendly hv at a baby clinic or a sympathetic gp. There's a charity called homestart which is supposed to be great - you have a volunteer come round for a couple of hours a day to give parents a bit of moral and practical support - do consider it. I think if you can start to connect with someone it would help. Take care.

Hugs to those who need them tonight.

I am physically and mentally tired now - today was good. I still think it could've gone better, I need to get some pricing sorted, that caught me out a bit.

But, I might have one booking, possibly 2 if they come back to me.

Don't want to go to work tomorrow though :(

That's great lollipop. Feet up and ?

Nope, PJs and bed for me - I have 5 days of my "proper job" to deal with. Meh.

ever so tired >>
just got home from a 8 yr old party & I'm mentally & physically exhausted! have taken all my pills plus a zopiclone...... hoping to knock out soon

lem > I've not SH for a few months but know hw easily it can be done. colouring it can easily become a habit pls dnot go down that route . Just dust urself off and tomorrows another day. pls do contact ur care co-ordinator u need to speak about this.

3 u could be me except my dad picks up my DD from nursery and the rest. I had help from home start and they were great but due to funding issues shut down :( if u have em at ur end do use em they r fantastic :) & keep posting on ere. were all here to listen.

lollipop well done for today.

ciq hw r u? sorry not read up on thread as low on energy today.

lem sorry meant to say colouring is right don't fall into the pattern of SH. not that colouring should stop doing it.... must be more tired then I thought!!!

Thank you dum dum you very sweet.

hubbys not seen his mum tonight.
its sunday so hes got back at reasonable time-works in retail.
hes made himself and kids tea only sausages and chips
not moaned too much about house but done a few bits today.
hes done eldests homework with her
washed up, made packed lunches

so hes trying to help and keeps telling me be positive we have 3 wonderful kids nothing to be sad about I don't feel he worries like i do or understands how i feel and says I need to understand lifes hard for him his mu, him losing his job.

Tommorows busy day one day eldest does not do breckfast club as middle child has preschool drop off then i ave to be at clinic to help run the breats feeding cafe.When im there i sociable and put on a smile.

Outward looking people at school, my family im fine.

Im hiding my problems really well.we lied to family and freinds about hubbys job which was hard and just seemed easier to distance myself from the-theres good 50miles between us so easy to not see them, they cant see anyting on phone I keep my facebook smiley and give nothing away.

My hv thinks im fine i have 3kids so felt like bottom of her priorities and not really sure what gp thinks told them im stressed and trouble sleeping.

Because hubby wants me to be happier im even faking im fine with him and hoping the way i feel now is just a phase that will pass.

its hard when he does not understand what i see or feel.He does not see to worry about kids or over analyse life like I do. es works hard but its independence and having something other than the children.

Im coping with kids they get well fed, they clean and tidy go schools, preschools and various clubs ect.I just get on with things as theres no one else.

What i do feel sad about is how few real freinds I have feel like there must be something wrong with me although locally its is very clquey and often see pics on fb of lots of mums i know together and think where did i go so wrong.

Then over the last year given up trying each group i go to and speak to hardly anyone depresses me more.

Im fortunate i have a few really good online freinds I made over years.

I miss simple things like meeting for coffee, adult company, freinds phoning up for a chat, meeting up for drinks seems to happen less and less these days and our lives are so different.

I dont know how to fix me to get my mojo confidence back, to be happy and less stressed.

3 that sounds like a lot not to talk to anyone about. pls see ur g.p and get maybe over the phone counselling. if ur not quite there yet then get home start involved. they will send someone appropriate to u & they are their to listen to. the volunteer I had was fantastic & eventthough they stopped (funding wise) she still pops round for a when she can :)
sorry to hear about ur husband's job. it can't be easy & know all too well about lying to family/friends about it so don't feel terrible as I did the same when I was wing my ex. that just added more pressure to my brain. what I'm trying to say is get some professional help before it gets too much for your brain!!!
I suffered a complete MH breakdown because of it but mind u there were other added factors like marriage breakdown & health problems. what I'm trying to say without scarring u is you need to speak about these things and even mumsnet can be start. sometimes just writing things done helps. Ho.pe I haven't jibber/jabberred too much

so DD woke up demanding milk so 've just sorted her out now I cant get go back to sleep :(

Finally home. Been 2 days and I'm so fed up of getting so flustered by everything. I'm still waiting for psychotherapy and more CBT

I'm paranoid about having DS taken off me if I'm honest to the crisis team about things too.

((hugs to all))

Sorry guys - i dont know why i did that - fortunately no real harm done, but i got such a buzz from it I used to do this before :( Won't be doing it again though. I think ive just had a shitty week but as one of you said, i have to brush myself off. My mum ignoring me - but will walk round in a minute to take dog out (if she will let me) and if she doesn't then i wont chase anymore. It is so hurtful though.

3as - your day sounds very similar to mine - i am involved in the PFA at school and find that is pretty much it in terms of frends just now. I am happy with that at the moment. Its funny, my old friends are the people i lke to spend time with , school mums it doesn't get past small talk and i find it difficult and strained, an effort. You say you are not on ADs but need sleeping pills - i think you need to talk to your DR about this, long term, ADs better than longterm sleeping pills i think. You may not need the sleeping pills if you can get a handle on the day - you sound like you do quite a lot, you are doing well.

When you find your mojo, can you have a look for mine? Sometimes i thnk im doing ok and then other days are shite.

Thanks for the kind words CiQ, i promise it wont be a habit - its something I just cannot indulge.

Lots of new people on the thread now, but still recognise some of the "oldtimers" (in length of time on the thread not in age!) Lem you do have a choice about your mum you know. She has "squeezed you like a lemon" and now wants the pips and all..........and she will go on "squeezing" until her dying day. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but we all get more like we are as we get older, not less like we are if that makes any sense. I think as well that you do know that this thing with your mom will go on and on and on..................can you make small changes to begin with (maybe not taking her dog out? or not listening to the stuff about the cooker!) The thing is even if she does have a microwave that won't solve the problem as she will find something else to complain about and on and on...........................what does your dh think about your mom Lem and the way you always feel you have to do her bidding? Just wondered.

Hello CiQ Ed Vicar Silvery and anyone else I've forgotten and all newcomers.

I am putting a call out for Snowymouse - I've scanned the thread and only seen 2 very short posts from you. My sense is that you are very low again. Please come on and say Hi just to put my mind at rest. How is the art therapy going?

hi
Id like to join :-)
Since splitting with exP a couple of weeks ago, it has triggered v low mood. it was my decision but it doesnt make it better, he treated me badly at times and really pulled me down. I felt trapped and caught in a cycle with him.
Im a single parent, ds 6. I just have no energy, I simply cannot be bothered. My self esteem is low, thinking I'll never meet anyone and I just dont know where to start, Im lost. Have to go on school run, obviously i will and i will make tea, do homework etc but i have no enthusiasm. Id happily stay in bed.am i being hard on myself? i dont know.. i do have a physical ache (heartache?).. not sure what i am asking for, words of wisdom perhaps?

Not sure i can help with any wisdom there Maom, but i can offer my support. It is perfectly understandable that you will feel like this - just because it was your decision to split doesn't mean that you wont be upset. You have done an amazing thing for your and your DS making the break - it probably doesn't seem like it now but things will get better from now on. Yes there will be difficulties but you will overcome them. It is OK to feel like you want to stay in bed, it is OK to stay in bed when practical to do so, the only caveat being is if i sleep during the day i wont sleep of a night. As for meeting someone else, you will, in time, but don't make that an objective for now, right now you need to learn to like yourself and enjoy your own company and that your DS. Then it will come, a friend of mine made the mistake of looking for a new partner after she split with her DH, it was a big mistake, it all went wrong and now she is no furhter on than she was a year ago when the split happened. But when the time is right - it will happen. YOU are the most important person here. If it wasn't for the fact that you have had a massive upheaval in the past few weeks i would advise you to see your GP, but give yourself some time and if the fog doesn't lift, you can see your doctor and see about getting some help. If you think you want counselling, then go sooner due to waiting lists etc. You are more than welcome on this thread, Its a safe place to rant and just express how you feel, the one thing that wont happen here is no one will judge.

Nana good to see you - I know what you mean about my mum, it is so very draining. Left her alone for a few days, took the dog out today and gave her the argos catalogue with half price microwaves in it - told her to let me know if she wanted to order anything, and left. Feeling OK, but drained in myself, like you feel when you have been crying for ages, but i haven't. DP thinks i should just let her get on with it and says i shouldnt put up with it. I don't mind doing things for her, i really don't, its no real hardship to take the dog out but its all the shit that comes with it. How are YOU feeling? It certainly is busy here, i like it, as reading other peoples thoughts and issues gives me perspective and takes me out of my own head, it is hard to keep up though.

Vicar - i hope you are not too knackered with work, hows that Big Barney Bear coming on? can we have some new piccies please :)

Ed - how are you today? I hope you are managing to feel a bit less shattered and you are sorting your chest infection and remember, good enough is really good enough!! That'l do, is a positive statement!

Love to all

Hi all, (((hugs))) to orchard, lem, dumdum, 3 and anyone else who needs them..

Nana lovely to hear from you - hope you're still doing better these days.

lem really hope you have a better day today.

Welcome home orchard try not to worry about social services - that is a vvv rare thing. Really hope you get the chance to recover at home.

dumdum great to hear you had a good experience with homestart. Hope your day goes ok.

3 glad to hear your dh was more supportive yesterday. I know its very hard to be open about what's actually going on in your head. Please do think about home start, and also the Samaritans are very good at simply listening...

Doing ok today despite feeling rough with a cold. DD had a great weekend which was nice.

Evening guys,

Thanks for caring makes me feel bit weepy.

Im ok in not suicidal or nothing, nothing as extreme as ringing the samiritans. My mil went through phase couple years ago ringing them then saying shes was changing her blooming will as they were there for her and we were not as attentive as she wanted us to be.

Me and hubby have this expression when things goes tots up which they seem to do last few years nothing goes smooth oh well it is what it is-like we powerless to change it and just have to deal with it.

Uusual shite monday here.

dd1 fell of scooter hole in tights and bleeding knee on school run ended up 20mins late for school past parents walking other way and felt like shit parents 1 of themsa hv so god knows what she thinks but she always sees nice and chat a bit.

Made it to preschool on time by some sort miracle.

Then rushed up to high street.

weighed myself in boots still losing yet dident make me feel happy.

went to baby group where I volunteer. 2 ladies who were on with me knows for any years now was nice enough just superficoial nice chit chat.
I don't think any of the had clue how I felt put on brave face , listened to few new mummys problems, i better at dealing with others issues than my own.I felt anxious and not very confdent but put on good show.

I then went food shopping round co-op and sainsburys,

For some reason co-op feels safe ad relaxing dont know why as its expensive shit hole and noramally i attract oaps wanting a chat but with just 1child in tow felt do-oable.

Took bus home as so bloody tired. was 1.30by time got home.

Put disney on for small boy got him a snack.

had a choc mouse. Then went to be sick.
after been sick felt less anxious feeling of calm, light headed floaty feeling .I know soe binge on huge amounts and are the sick and I have done that in past but since relapse mine are carefully controlled calorie binges and wouldet do if older 2in house or hubby. The ouse was 75cals and read you take in some cals so thinking maybe took in half.

I then had small calorie controlled lunch of low fat crips and half mini quiche 300calories which i force myself to have as need energy to walk on school run and think if eat more earlier in day im ore likly to burn it off.

School run in rain. atually at both schools on time.
small boy slept in his buggy so made thins easier and girlsw were not too whiney on way home.

Got hem their tea was reduced readymeal splt between 3 and garlic bread as fed up of slaving away over meals they wont eat.

Got fish and potatoes reduced for h ubby so nice easy tea for him.

1/3kids asleep.
house semi tidy as just hide the clutter.
will eat small bowl of soup later when hubby gets home as i eat when people see me so they don't suspect I have any issues.
Hubby has failed to notice recent weight loss.

sleeping pills-why?

1)well mainly i lie awake worrying cant sleep then super tired.
2)when had shit day and feeling down well they knock me out as that,s 8-10hours of feeling nothing.
3)some nights go bed with hunger pains and obsess about food.

I at the moment although disordered eating feel in control like im in control not its controlling meI base this on reflecting back trough school and uni years and was much worse then feels very different this time round..The being sick helps me chill.
The willpower and restraint and cutting back makes me feel better sometimes.

I dont know if i reach my goal weight will i be happy?

I was aiming for xmas as go back see family and want to look good.
fed up looking mumsy whilst cousins fiance looks glam and i look at freinds and skinny sister and feel rubbish about myself.

I recognise my self esteem and confidence is low but feel so unhappy some days. I love y kids and they make me smile.

I hate my body, the way I look fact i middle aged sahm with no freinds or social life.

Maybe I am losing the plot and there will still be gap of unhappyness.

Thanks NanaNina for asking. I can't get through all the long posts, as much as I'd like to be supportive to everyone. So I haven't been posting because I like to be supportive.

Hope everyone, old and new, are managing.