if you feel those winter blues, move to our Village, spread the news!

[ThatVikRinA22]

new thread folks.....im losing track but i think this might be our 7th!

all welcome. old and new. This is a supportive place for anyone suffering with any type of mental health issue.

im on Sertraline (ADs) and have been since last December. I had 6 months off work with depression and anxiety and the ladies on these threads kept me going.

Feel free to post, to comment, to ask questions, or just to lurk and feel less alone.
everyone in the village is lovely.

((hugs to all struggling))

I keep getting that sense of everything being 'unreal' or like you're watching a movie of your life etc. It usually happens when i'm anxious as a weird way of coping as it numbs you a lot but it doesn't usualy last more than a moment, whereas now it's most of the day. I find it really uncomcfortable though, as it means I don't really feel much so when DS or DP hugs me, it just feels strange.

I'm not the only one am I?

Last night was horrible. I felt really anxious before bed and my chest hurt & I had to concentrate really hard to not have a panic attack. I could feel my heart thudding away even though I was lying still. Eventually got to sleep but then had horrible dreams that I kept drifting in and out of but not enough to fully wake up and shake it off. Haven't had a night like that in almost a month Ah well

i'll join you in the cuppa Orchardkeeper - very apt name for the village, that can be your job I have always have very vivid dreams, even more so on ADs. I also find them hard to leave behind during the day so poor DP suffers if they put me in a bad mood.

Thanks

I know the medication has made them more vivid/colourful but I haven't really had any bad dreams yet. I feel uncomfortably numb. I know it's my brains way of dealing with the stress/anxiety but it's horrible all the same. Nevermind.

(Hope you didn't have too bad a night yourself).

(P.S It used to be easier to cope with/come out of when I wasn't looking after a toddler full time. I think that's certainly playing a part! Poor DS!).

In all honesty, I feel like I came out of hospital too fast because I felt I had to get back to DS and am actually still a slight suicide risk. But I don't want DS taken off me or to have to break it to my family so I'm just plodding along.

(My mum looked after DS when I was in hospital a few weeks ago but she's got a big operation coming up this month so she'll be incapacitated anyway. Ds's dad could have him at a push. I just don't know what to do. The crisis team were shit when I called the other day really so I don't feel I can call them).

Orchard that weird feeling is called dissociation - your mind separating itself from your body, as you say it is the mind trying to protect itself. I would say focus on DS atm and let everything else go hang. Plus my usual suggestion of watching some kids TV with him, sometimes the stories can be quite appropriate in a metaphorical way! (Although not Peppa Pig - I watched it the other day and was v disappointed )

Thanks silvery

I was told what it is a few years back but it usually passes much quicker.

I keep deciding to go to the GP, as i'm only given 2 weeks of medication at a time due to my overdosing history & he said if I worsen at all to contact him. But then I keep changing my mind.

I never know how 'bad' people mean when they say bad. I've been feeling like this all week really. Bah. I just don't know. They must be sick of the sight of me anyway!

I feel like a shit mum atm because I don't feel like I can cope with DS. I just want to curl up under the duvet and sleep for the forseable future.

I feel like I've been discharged from the community MH team and am back to being an LP to DS with no support whilst i'm still fairly ill & waiting for this elusive therapy...

And the crisis team don't want to know really, unless you're actually suicidal. I'm back to being really isolated with no support, which was partly the cause anyway. I'm jobhunting but it'll take a while and I'm not sure i'll hold in there til then really.

Scuse the rant. Just had enough.

Oh orchard sounds horrible.

Sorry No advise apart from ring ur MH team...they shold be there to help but i understand its sometimes like drawing blood out of stone!!!

Im still in bed waiting for DD to go nursery so that i can get up & have a much needed shower :(

((((( orchard and all ))))) Take care.

Much love, Orchard keep on at the MH team, creaky doors always get the oil. Like Silvery said, manys the time I just lay on the sofa, with kids tv on and let the toddlers play around me. Though, unlike the soothsayer, I don't have a current working knowledge of peppa pigs antics

Hi Orchard,
((((())))) to you. Come and get as much support as you need on here. And take life as gently as you can for you and DC. Lots of telly under the duvet and very easy food.
Is there any Home Start service near you? If there is, you could try them and see if someone could drop in once or twice a week to help with cleaning and laundry and to have a chat.

Peppa Pig must have gone down hill since my day. When I had PND it was one of the few things that was bearable to watch.

(((((Orchard))))) I think you're right that you've come out of hospital, still very fragile, and not well - and you have no support. Please do contact your MH team, or your GP again and say how hard you're finding it as a LP... Do you have any friends that could help with your DS? I sometimes find having a playmate round actually makes things easier as they go off and play (sorry can't remember your DS' age) or vice versa. Thinking of you.

snowy what have you been up to today. Hope you've survived despite it being so wet and rainy.

dumdum hope your day's been ok.

sending fond thoughts to everyone at the end of this rainy day.

Just sneaking in.

I'm just going to bed...an hour earlier than last night .

And I have a nasty chesty cough. I end up breathless if I talk for more than 5 mins.

I had a good week last week. ..struggling big style this week. I could be back to a full resident of the village by the weekend if I don't fix myself.

I'm a perfectionist....tweak my lessons to far....I HAVE....GOT...TO...STOP...

Ed much love to you, take it from an old lag, as far as teaching prep is concerned- good enough is good enough...it is much better for you to get relaxing and sleeping more. You'll be fresher in the morning, and enjoy teaching. You will never get it perfect, so don't even try.. You know all this, but let yourself off the hook, your doing really well. I'm proud of you, but your health comes first.

Darling, should you be going in if your chest is bad..

Hope everyone has a good day today, lots of and and ((())) to those of us struggling..

Morning been reading this thread for a while and hope everyone feels better soon.

I keep saying one day a time some days quite good then out the blue im terrible down, panicy, tearful sort of comes from no where.

I wish I knew what was wrong been under lot of stress latly.

have 3 kids and hubby who works long hours.

no family here or close friends.

started getting panicy around crowds of people.

morning school run stresses me out.

Not sleeping just over month ago went to gp to try and explain

in uni I was on venlafxine it was hell, this had made me reluctant to go on anti ds.

Im not sure if its just anxiety or if im depressed too
dont think could be pnd as youngest is 2.5

hubbys trying be bit more supportive as I cant afford to fall apart.

been avoiding going out too much other than neccesry.

I thought if just got some sleep day would be better.

he gave me 28days zopliclone and number for lifts course.

Yesterday went back different doctor who gave me temazapam as was on that in uni and was fine. again got lecture how anti ds re not as bad as I think and venlafaxie would be last resort and kind of shocked i was on that and never tried anything else.

so another 28days. took some last night dident wake and feel bit groggy this morning.

does anyone know if taking a benzo at night helps them feel calmer next day?

I havent told the gp or anyone about recent episodes binging and purging

Im trying to avoid having sweet stuff in the house and telling myself im in control.

On the outside im still giving the impression every things just fine

Although forgotton few school things and feel like rubbish mum.

Avoiding hv easy to do with no 3 hardly saw her.
saw her few weeks ago but nothing indepth havent found her very helpful with no 3 and he seems to stress/worry me the most.

Had hair done last week in effort cheer me up and thinking some pampering some rare me time might help but with 2 under 5s trashing the house, washing machines broke, landlords due round this week my positivity is waning.

Have the dentist thursday which scares me.

3 have a [hug] and a - you have a lot on your plate. You are already doing one day at a time - now do one thing at a time, if you can.

Stick with the meds - lack of sleep makes everything worse. If possible, agree with DH on specific things that are his to do, if you can get things out of your brain it should help.

And you are not a rubbish mum!

Hi everyone can I join in?

I apologise for not reading through all the thread, will try to later when I have more time.

I have had OCD for over 25 years, and suffer from anxiety and depression too.

My anxiety is bad at the moment and its making me ill. I have been prescribed citalopram but my anxiety is stopping me taking them, I'm worried about the side effects. Typical isn't it, the thing the tablets are meant to help is the thing stopping me taking them!

I'm fed up of anxiety ruling me :(
Hope everyone is feeling ok today

Thanks im am feeling very stressed

It started with hubby losing his job in the summer.

well 4 weeks suspension, 3 weeks unemployed he was home for 7 weeks.

we told no family and freinds.

hes got new job but hours and pay not as good

The stress of money and trying to navigate a shite benefit system.

The summer I was holding it together trying be positive support hubby as he was down, had lost weight, not sleeping.

But it was summer and we got out as much as we could national trusts, parks ect.

Then he had 4 weeks training and every weekend off still but coudent help with the school runs.

now until xmas hes working 6 days weeks cant do school pickups or after school clubs

my worries are

money

2.5year old not speaking finally on wait list for speech therapy but feel people judge me over it.

2.5year old has appointment at dental hospital next month feel crap and scared over that.

4year old is bored, temper tantrums preschool can only give her 1 day and neither of them are sleeping through the night.

4year old probably wont get a school place at eldests school have missed most of open days application needs to be in jan, have o idea how could do 2schools

House is crap agents and landlord useless. we outgrown it feels like constant mess.

7year olds just cheeky pushing boundries and has hectic schedule.

winter terms always worst as 1.2mile walk weathers worse, gets dark early, younger 2whinging and so many events to keep track of.

I feel constantly tired all the time, suffocated as never get time away from kids. They play up at meals and bedtime.

I thourght maybe if just get some sleep everything would improve.

but been feeling like this for 2months now.

me and hubby have had rows about lack sex life fat i just want to go bed early and be alone.

We stopped rowing about mess and told him i can only do what i can do some days get energy boots other days its struggle just to do the basics they really are very messy kids.Hes trying to be understanding and says he cant afford for me to fall apart.

i have scaled back my commitments this academi year so no commitees and did mean to join a toddler group as hv thinks be good for ds3 but cant face it.

I need to serious tidy and lean today as landlord due round tommorow.
so washing machine man been laundry hell as drier broke then 2days after buying 2drier washing machine went.

might old off on toddler groups until new year.
might buy a 2nd had double buggy make school runs easier

enrolled dd1 brekkie club 4days a week so hubby can drop her off as 4 less school runs a week.

Im hoping the temazapam be better than the zopi as was waking in night and still feel shattered but gps worry about tranquiliser addiction shes only given me 10mg but guess be better than 3.75 mg zopi blooming 8quid prescriptions costing me forttune and they wont put on repeat.

feels better to get it all down as feeling over whelemed.

Hubby would be disgusted about the being sick but gives me floaty feeling of calm and helps me destress when im at my worst. I know I need to be strong I stopped before.

I dont remember much about final year uni when was on anti ds i was very withdrawn, self harming, underweight, being sick loads. almost suicidal i actually think the venlafaxine made things worse and withdrawing was terrible remember that.

So for last 10years been on no medication up until now so hopefully gps dont think im a prescription junkie.

As was so long ago they dont have 2002 notes on computer guess its on paper file somewhere.

My weights ok, neither gp has asked about food.

not sure what to do at end of 28days.

would be good if benzos could make the days bit more bearable.

Family live away, few freinds I have busy with their own lives, no good local freinds.

Mil crazy manipulative and insists hubby goes round all the time so she consumes alot of his time when hes not working I always feels like bottom of the pile.

At school/preschool i make effort to speak to people.
My fb-you would never know anythings wrong

The secrets and lies last few months about hubbys work have been awquard.

so im in position where its very easy to hide my problems.

Im just hoping it will pass and I wont slip further.

3 that's a lot to have to deal with. But let go of the stuff you have dealt with - DH has got a job, you did negotiate the benefits system, you sorted brekkie club and got washing machine man out.

The MIL thing sounds awful. As does the housing situation.

Don't think about what happens after 28 days. Get through them, give the meds a chance.

LittleMiss you can just pick things up here as you go along. Lots here have been on citolopram, including vicar who started these threads. Side effects at the start can be horrid (but may not happen for you, and do seem to wear off) however it does seem to be v effective when it suits the person taking it.

Bloody Hell 3 I am exhausted just reading your post! I am pretty stressed today too so finding it hard to keep up with posts. A few things from your post. (Have you posted about your DH job before under a different name?) Only i seem to remember bits and pieces - then again so many folk struggling with jobs/money these days!

If you want any advice over money things, i may be able to help, been through it all with creditors etc and survived (well, just about )

Regarding the ADs, things are slightly different now and whilst i think venlaflaxine is still used (isn't our lovely Vicar on those ones?) there are other ADs which may suit you better - may be worth some research - I take citalopram, mild side effects for me at the start, but they work and now no side effects, others have had a shite time on those though, its all a matter of finding the right one. As you say though, you know your history and what suits you and what doesn't.

My DD had speech delay, she did go to speech therapy, i don't know if it made any difference - I do know she doesn't stop talking now!! I know you have probably heard that many times. i think she was 3 and at nursery before she spoke, as for judgey pants, fuck em - i wont pretend people don't judge, because they do but i did everything i was supposed to do with DD, and in the end she spoke when she was ready. Thankfully most people don't judge though, those that do, well they aren't really worth bothering about. I found the speech therapy sessions really helpful in terms of showing me what i could do to help and DD loved it, it was just like mother and toddler group with a small group of other children and it was fun. They played games that involved taking turns, blowing bubbles, no real emphasis on speaking actually, some sign language which i thought was brilliant.

My mother sounds like your MIL - your DH is going to have to grow a pair and stand up to her, easier said than done, when he has finished with his pair he can send it round to me for my mother!

The mess in the house - if you want to tidy do, if not don't, so long as your food prep area is clean and the toilet, everthing else can go whistle! I find that if my living room is a bombsite it stresses me but sometimes that is all i do, get that little bit of space clear (don;t look on the sides/sofa or behind the TV though!) but clutter does make me stressed - one day i'll sort it! Don't give yourself extra pressure - i find that i i have jobs that really need done, i do them when i don't have much time to do them otherwise i can make doing the washing up last all day as i get so distracted by my anxiety.

Your DH is putting too much pressure on you - if he can't afford for you to fall apart then he needs to support you more - anyone would be struggling with that amount of balls to juggle, he gets to go to work and that is his only ball until he comes home. He is realy getting the easier end of the bargain here.

Phew - that was a bit epic, i hope some of that helps :)

Hi
3, the life you describe would wear anyone down, let alone someone with depression. You are doing better than you think - sorting out the dryer, holding it together while your DH works long hours.

He really needs to be right at your side when he can. No MIL right now. You and the DC need to come first.

Is there anyone at DD1s school you trust enough to ask them to help with school applications. It really does sound as though you need DC2 and DD1 to be at the same school for practical reasons. Is there no sibling policy?

If you get form-blindness when stressed (pretty common) can you ask someone to help you go through the school application form? What I'm trying to say is: reach out and ask for help, very directly, on specific things. Just say: I'm very unwell right now and can't manage school applications as the medication I'm on makes me very dopey (no need to tell anyone what it is unless you want to.) See if someone might help. Some one from a local church, if no one on the MH team or anyone close to you can help.

Try and get other people on board to help sort out the big stuff. You focus on getting yourself well - getting the right meds etc, and in getting through each day with DC. That's plenty for now.