I am struggling badly with HA.
I have been to the dentist twice in two days over oral cancer fears.
My GP is sick of me.
I can't find a fucking cure, meds, therapy etc and I am STILL here fighting every day. Two bloody years of this, triggered because my ex husband, the father of three of my children is battling cancer and may not live. I watch my kids go through it, how it has turned their lives upside down and now I am petrified of dying myself. I spend HOURS with a flash light looking down my mouth with a mirror.
This year I have been convinced I have had
Ovary Cancer
Cervical cancer
Oral/ Tongue cancer
Skin cancer
Brain tumour
Lymphoma
Tonsil cancer
HIV
Heart disease
I just got back from the dentist as I thought I had a hole in my gum and kind of cancer. He very nicely laughed and said I was ok, the hole is still there though but he assured me that if I had something to worry about he would spot it.
I can't enjoy anything as I am just waiting to die. I start a group anxiety thing next month, hope that helps some.
I have slightly high cholesterol, I need to check it again but don't dare, I spent the last check in tears waiting for the results, my diet has been poor because I guess I am depressed with it all now.
I just want one thing, to go to bed, be able to cuddle my husband, maybe have sex without the fear that I will bleed and freak out (never actually bled) and I want a normal conversation without asking him to check me over for signs of cancer. I want a future to look forward to.
Sorry for the downer post but I needed to get it out.