Trying not to hurt myself

[ayalil]

I'm sorry to keep posting but feel very alone and scared
I want to hurt myself again and am desperately trying not to

ayalil can you say some more - I haven't seen any of your other posts. I know how scarey mental illness is.

Nananina I have depression
I am struggling alot with everything lots going on- ex was arrested for rape and violence towards me and I'm pg now
I feel scared and out of control
Thank you for being here

That's sounds awful OP. Sorry you're going through this. I often feel scared and out of control and that's without the circumstances you're experiencing. Do you have RL support? Counselling that sort of thing?

Alteredstate I am waiting for counselling seeing another SARC person this week
I don't want to do anything bad today
Thank u xx

No please don't. Enough bad has happened to you already. Glad you've got counselling lined up hope it doesn't take months to materialise. Sorry what's a SARC person?

Sorry it's a sexual assault referral centre worker
I am not sure if I can make myself not do anything

Hey I really feel for you. I can't help but wonder that if it wasn't for the crap going on right now you wouldn't be wanting to hurt yourself. You say you suffer from depression (me too btw) is this an ongoing issue or linked with the assault etc?

I was diagnosed with depression 8 years ago now x this is all making it worse though and I am so scared, paranoid and panicky and feeling so alone it is all coming together and making me feel so shit
I can't see past tonight I just want it to finish

Sorry you feel this way ayalil. It really won't always feel like this though. How many wks pregnant are you? Could pregnancy hormones also being throwing you off-course (not that you don't have enough sending you off-course). Do you have other children?

I'm 6 weeks no other children
I feel like I need to hurt myself I really don't think I can stop it and starting to panic now

fwiw i think it's completely natural that your depression is being made worse by your current circumstances.

I can't do this

A 1st child is very nerve-wracking, combine this with hormones, horrible situation with your ex etc it's no wonder you're feelingout of control. What's making you panic the most?

I think it's just the fear of not being able to control what's going on i fear that I can't stop myself from doing something I don't want to
I don't know how to calm down

You can do this. Do you prefer speaking? Have you rang the samaritan's before? 08457 909090 I find them really helpful.

I can't speak I am bad at it
I will calm down

Deep breathing? Warm baths? Does any of that help you?

Am trying to breathe deeply x
Thank you for posting and being here

Ah that's good you'd remembered to breathe deeply. I sometimes need a reminder to do that .
I'm glad I could be here - I don't normally hang around long but was waiting to see if another mner was about when I saw you post. Thought you sounded how I often feel

Thank you xx I don't have to cut, I am trying to remind myself

That's a good reminder. When not in the grips of the addictive phase it's much easier not to give in hey? x

Definitely
Feels like darkness is closing in on me it is terrifying

The safest place is being asleep. Is it bedtime where you are? I have on many occasions taken zopiclone to send me off to sleep if I'm having real trouble distracting myself from harm. Is that something you can do?

It is bedtime
I will try thank u
Sorry and thank you xxxxx I hope you sleep well xxx

What you saying sorry for?! You're welcome. Just hang in there. Yes I will sleep well thank you. Hope you're able to. I'm sure the more specialised counselling you'll receive will help you to process all your emotions in a safe environment. And good luck with the pregnancy x