Good evening all.
Been awol for a few days.
Dcs have been on holiday with xp, so I have been home alone. I did have a plan to blitz the whole house while they were gone...well I started at 2pm roday....so I blitzed my lounge floor....which was lovely until dcs came home. But I'm thinking c'est la vie. I've had a pretty chilled and relaxing few days. I have missed them, but within a couple of hours I have to say I was missing my 'me time'.
Been back to drs and she is going to start spacing out my reviews :).
Current plan is to go back to uni oct ish. I will do part time for a couple of weeks before full time. I have to do 6wks but clock will start ticking when full time starts.
Only thorn in the plan is that I am due to go back to the same school.
Now I don't feel my breakdown was a direct result of the school. But it was a tough placement. School is in a very deprived area and although it doesn't have huge behavioural problems it can only acheive that through strong classroom management which I haven't mastered. So I find it tough. There is a LOT of departmental politics (previous NQT resigned from the career with stress). Head of dept. Has a strong personality. I get on eith her but constantly on my guard with her. She has exceedingly high expectations which fuel my own high expectations and subsequent (non) failures.
From my own perspective I feel my first 6wks there was tainted by my dsfs cancer and subsequent bereavement. I feel that I wasn't focussed for those 6 weeks. In my head those 6wks 'don't count'. I then feel guilty that I left them suddenly when my dsf was transferred home on the liverpool care pathway.
I then returned and did a week before breaking down. So I left them again. I just percieve myself as being a troublemaker to them iyswim. Stop start. No commitment.
Anyway, all of the numerous friends I have told the plan to are shocked that I am returning to the same school. Some are personal friends that have seen me crack and heard my plight with unexperienced ears. Others are friends thst trained with me. My dr was also surprised.
Anyway...after all that waffle I am going to ask for a new placement, and if necessary my dr will write a letter supportimg me.
I hope that is the right thing to do and it isn't a case of better the devil you know.
In other news this weeks twin for me is snowy. I have put on sooo much weight recently. Ive been living on a diet of chocolate (especially minstrels which have free cinema tokens on). I NEED TO STOP. I have been drinking a lot less alcohol this week and even better a lot more clear fluid (I drink less than a pint of non alcohol a day. Always have.)..
But I am happy to still be vicars twin too....struggling with money here. I have cash stowed away but need to move it to current account to access it...before I accidently hit my overdraft for the first time since student days.
I really should open some mail...have started doing some non scary looking bits as they arrive but need to deal with backlog
Talking of increased meds doses...when I increased I didn't notice any recurrance of side effects. I was on fluoxetine though.
Hugs to all welcome to the newcomers.
I see you have made a fantastic display there with those 2 turnips and that strange shaped carrot, and what a strange effect you rubbing it vigerously with oil...I've never seen veggies do that before