This is just me rambling, but I'm very upset and anxious.
Tomrrow I've got a lunch arranged with two of my friends from uni. One is childfree (and basically hates children), the other one of these people who seems to have effortlessly glided into motherhood with a perfect 6 month old dd, rich husband, etc. (Last time I spoke to her she couldn't come out to lunch cos she had Pilates in the morning and then Water Babies in the afternoon, I felt like utter crap that I just can't get my life together like that. Not that I want to do Pilates anyway!).
I won't have ds (nearly one year old) with me as I have to go to work in the morning, but they really upset me last time with disparaging comments about him in comparison with my friend's dd, who was only a few weeks old then and so slept the whole time we were out. They kept saying "why is [ds] trying to eat the menu? Why is he trying to throw everything on to the floor?" Hello, because he's six months old.
On top of which, my dh is chronically ill and has been ever since I met him, steadily getting worse. We are in a very low, low place, he can barely leave the house, there is no end in sight and no-one even really knows what's wrong with him. Of course they can't understand what that's like - and I think both of them believe there's nothing actually wrong with him anyway, he's just stringing me along. I have a full-time job and no childcare for ds, dh and I have to sort of joggle it between us and pray for long naps in the day so I can work.
All in all, I think I should just cancel lunch tomorrow. I've known these people for 16 years but it feels like we live in different worlds, and I'm just too tired and frustrated to be bothered being 'up' around them or answering their questions about dh's health, or having them be rude about ds and the fact he's not a Stepford Child.
I feel so much resentment, not just that their lives seem so much eaiser than mine, but that they don't even seem to notice (let alone care) how hard mine is.