please help me

[slippingintodarkness]

i'm at home alone with my children and i can't cope with them any more. i'm so scared.

Sorry, to use "it" my DC were leaping all over me. No offence meant.

The sound of a crying baby can really undo you when you're feeling down. If the baby has been fed/changed can you go outside and walk around the garden with the baby and take some deep breaths? The crying won't sound so loud outside.

You're not a burden. You are working just as hard as your DH is, probably even harder, raising two tiny kids. Honestly, the most stressful 12-hour office day I've worked was easier than looking after a baby. And I've only got one!

baby is changed and has stopped crying. she wakes up a couple of times a night and i'm so tired i feel as if i have brain damage.

every night before bed i promise myself tomorrow will be better, i will get the children out the house, have fun with ds, cook them proper food. then the morning comes and i don't have the energy to get us all sorted out enough to leave at a reasonable time. ds is so stubborn and i have to wrestle him in to clothes and nag him to eat breakfast. i just end up letting him watch tv and eat snacks all day. i know this is shit and that i'm failing him. then dh comes home and put on a smile and put a positive spin on everything.

ds just bit me. he hates me. i don't blame him.

Its not just you i feel the same some times I have 2 under 2 and its very hard work there are times I want to run away and just leave them for someone to find but somehow I seem to make it through each day I'm here if you need to talk again I won't judge or critise il just listen it will be nice to know I'm not the only one struggling sometimes xxx

Tiredness is awful, especially when you know you have to get up when you don't particularly want to. Having two small DC means you never get enough sleep, never get a lie in and feel as if you've only just got into bed and you have to get out again.

The days do tend to get to be on a repeat cycle whenDC are small.

Be kind to yourself though, you have a lot of good intentions.

You do need to be honest with your DH though, he can't help you if you are always putting a positive spin on things.

Toddlers always bite, it's because they aren't rational beings yet. It is nothing personal.

I repeat:be kind to yourself.

He doesn't hate you, hand on heart, I promise. He is two, and two year olds are a bloody nightmare.

You sound exhausted, you poor thing. It is very hard living away from friends and family. Is there any way you can get someone to come in and help you? A cleaner or a part-time nanny? Can you afford that?

Have you registered with a GP? Do you speak the local language?

And enough of the 'positive spin', you're not doing anyone a favour. Please please say something to your DH - I would be devastated to know if my DH was feeling so desperate but felt he couldn't say anything. I'm sure yours will be the same.

i feel calmer now. thank you. i'm still really worried about ds. he keeps climbing over me, pulling my hair and biting me but won't acknowledge anything I say to him. i've been struggling with him for a while but have been in denial about how badly i've screwed up. i love him so much.

You = haven't screwed up
DS = typical toddler.

Can you suggest he stops biting you (firmly)? Must be painful.

Glad you're feeling better.

Why don't you stop trying to engage with DS and distract him with his favourite things - colouring or sticker books, toys, a snack? Even better, can you take both children out for a walk to the park and let DS run off some steam?

Hi.
Do you have a time in the day when you would feel up to doing the ringing around stuff for the doctor?

A move is difficult, think about how you are feeling, it'll be the same for DS but do not feel bad, it sounds like you had to move and it will get better.

Why not write a 'nice things to do' list and try to do one thing every day??

I am sure he does not hate you, he is not a teenager yet! that's when that will start!!!! But no fear, you will be stronger by then!! Wayy before then actually. You have reached out for support and we will support you every step of the way

Are you in an English speaking country?

These early days are unspeakably knackering - you aren't alone. I would talk to DH as he may be able to help.

Looking after a baby, a toddler and a house move must have left you shattered. I would be on the floor moaning, trust me.

Watching TV with snacks is not bad parenting - it is necessary parenting given what else you are dealing with. Everyone does it (even tho they don't admit it on Mumsnet.)

If you can face 15 min of hassle beforehand, try and leave the house. A bit of air and a chance to unleash the toddler will prob improve things a bit.

You have not screwed up. I think there are very few people who can be consistently calm and in control of 2 small kids. The rest of us all just muddle through, I'm sure you're doing no worse than others.

You really need to tell dh you're struggling.

i wish i could get them out. ds refuses to get dressed or let me dress him. i'll have to hold him down kicking and screaming to even get a t shirt and shorts on to him. everything just feels so overwhelming and insurmountable, even the idea of talking to dh. i wouldn't know where to start. easier to just let him think i'm fine. i wish i could find the strength and energy to pull myself together.

Have you been eating properly? Lack of sleep and proper nutrition knocks the stuffing out of you, before you even factor in two DC. Have a drink and have a banana or a sandwich, something quick and easy to eat standing up.

Would your DS see it as an adventure if he went to the park in a raincoat and wellies? Even if it is hot there... Silly things appeal to toddlers.

Oh dear, it's one of those toddler days is it. Can you sneak out with him undressed? What's he wearing at the mo - you might be able to get away with it.

You know what, it might not be easier to let DH stay oblivious. For a start, he's going to want to know. Secondly, start with the simple pair of words 'I'm tired' and go from there.

Re pulling yourself together - hrumph, you've got a lot on, it might well be a bit unrealistic for one body to manage. If you let us know what country you are in, I can google you a phone number re docs to call. You can't take 6 months off too easily, so I reckon chemical help might be in order (obv I could be wrong).

Do you know anybody well yet in the new country?
I do think you need help for yourself very soon.
Then the rest of things will become a bit easier for you.

You don't need to make a grand announcement, just "I'm finding it difficult to cope right now". Your DH isn't expecting you to be a robot or a Stepford Wife! He WILL want to help you.

Can fully sympathise with the clothes thing. Some days changing a nappy is a struggle. Like greenhill says, is there anything he likes to wear that you can get him into? Swimsuit? Batman costume?

Right, he's dressed. I'm going to have a big glass of water, get the baby dressed and get us the hell out! I've pulled myself together and feel a bit embarrassed about being melodramatic. I'm so used to putting a brave face on and when I couldn't even manage that earlier I just panicked.

I know I need help. I need to find a sympathetic doctor and I need to find a nursery place for DS at least one day a week. I've never been very organised or good at talking about my feelings, but now we're so far away from home (english speaking country, but I don't know anyone very well) it's got out of control and I just shut down.

You are all lovely and amazing.

Well done!

It sounds like you know what you need to do. Don't be embarrassed, I don't think you were being melodramatic, you're knackered and you need some help.

Don't keep your feelings bottled up behind a brave face, it really isn't healthy.

You have done amazingly well and a walk'll do you all good!!

Enjoy it and take it one day at a time x

Well done, hopefully getting outside will make you feel better.

Don't be embarrassed, everyone is allowed to have a wobble, you're not a machine!

That's great news. Take it easy for the rest of the day and enjoy your walk.

Let us know how you are doing - around tomorrow if you want to talk.