Mother and baby unit??

[martha2013]

Does anyone have any experience of such places? I'm 39+3 weeks pregnant with my very much planned and wanted second child. I have a diagnosis of bipolar and due to risks to baby have recently stopped my anti-psychotic. My psychiatrist thinks my mood is becoming high. I disagree. She is talking about mother and baby hospital after birth. I'm terrified and thinking of doing a runner!

[working9while5]

Can you be admitted for observation for psychosis, as others have said it will all be easier to secure outcomes you value if you work with them. The doubts are a mixture of your mind working against you and hormones. This is the hardest time for all new mothers, everyone has difficult thoughts now but your mind lingers and believes in those dark places in a way that you know can be frightening, unpredictable and that means you need additional support right now. Your values here are obvious, you care for your family and your children. That means you need to reach out for that professional help now. Mother and baby unit will have 24 hour line. USE it. Good luck xx 

[martha2013]

The consultant came to my house yesterday and I was honest with her. She is very keen for me to start meds asap but accepts my desire to establish breastfeeding first. We have compromised on lorazepam for the weekend to try and protect my sleep. They are going to continue to monitor daily to try to avoid hospital. I still feel very self aware and can recognise that some of my thoughts are irrational and odd so hopefully that will stand in my favour. I really want to be able to enjoy my beautiful newborn!

[scottishmummy]

ok,so good you're having dialogue and there is negotiation.that positive
you and psych have same goal: for you to remain well and enjoy new baby
to maintain that you need to keep talking to psych and team.and best wishes

[SnowyMouse]

I'm so glad she came around to see you and that you were open with her. Enjoy your baby!

[working9while5]

No reason to feel you can't enjoy baby and take care of yourself too. It is good you have awareness of and distance from your thoughts, just keep on talking to and seeing them, it is absolutely best way of having this time as you with your baby. How is your dp, are you finding you can be open with him too?

[martha2013]

Shit.....I am really struggling to hold it together. Wish I had a way out.

[scottishmummy]

where your husband in all this?you're known to services call out hour team
I'm not sure how beneficial this is,repeatedly posting you're not coping
mn has a limited capacity to advise.you need to have the face to face conversation

[scottishmummy]

you call out hour team.you can present to a&e ask for to see psychiatric liaison
ask another adult to watch kids
you discuss thoughts/feelings and whats going on for you with staff.
I worry online posting prevents you addressing what going on.you need real life help

[martha2013]

Acts as a little relief I guess. I am doing my best to cope and my husband is doing his best to support that. If it pisses you off..stop reading it??

This magic real life help you speak off?....I have been in psych hospitals, been assaulted there, forced to take heroin and been sexually abused. It has ruined my life so I am sorry if I am not in a hurry to go back. Or maybe it is the anti psychotic drugs I should be in a hurry for? They sap my energy and make everything bland but I suppose thats ok if it keeps me quiet? Why should I deserve to experience the magic of my young children.

It is useful for me to repeatedly post as I get a little support from other mums and don't feel entirely alone with this hellish illness. If you can't appreciate that I can only presume you have zero empathy with my situation.

[scottishmummy]

Martha,I wish you all the best
I do recommend you get support from services
mn is a support but it's not solution

[SnapCackleFlop]

Martha, congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I'm sorry you're having these difficulties but can understand why you feel as you do from the experiences you've had.

I work supporting women breastfeed and would be happy to find out more about what anti-psychotics are compatible with breastfeeding if that would be helpful?

It sounds like you have a good relationship with the consultant who visited you in your home. Perhaps there would be a mild dose of a breastfeeding compatible medication that you would allow her to prescribe for you?

I think that all women struggle with new babies - it's always hard work as well as being wonderful. You sound like you are doing your best and lots of parents face additional health issues - you are the best mother your children could wish for.

We all need support too and I hope that the horrible experiences you've had in the past won't mean that you don't get the help you need now.

x

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

Hi there, hope you are getting through each hour as it comes. You've done really really well so far, and it's great you are still in touch and communicating to the people who are there to help you in real life.

It's hard cos as I can Sms point and I totally agree that it's not good to use mumsnet instead of using rl professional support. That's what is really going to help you, but also, don't want you to feel that anyone is cutting off mumsnet as a source of support. So just wanted to say, well done for getting this far, and please please keep talking to the rl people as well as on here.

Good luck and hoping each day gets a little easier for you. Congratulations!

[martha2013]

Thank you snapcacklepop, the consultant who I am seeing is a specialist perinatal psychiatrist so I do trust her advice on which antipsychotic would be safest. Its very kind of you to offer to help though. My problem is there is very little research on the effects to baby and I know that I couldn't prevent my daughter getting a dose of it, however small which would increase my anxiety about her welfare. I .bf my son for 15 months. I loved it and he seemed to really benefit. It's too important to me to give up on.

Double, thank you for replying and I do accept the point that mn is no substitute for real life support. My family and friends have seen me through some pretty extreme episodes in the last ten years. I worry that they no longer see the real me and just the illness. I feel so much pressure to cope and be well at this time otherwise they will think my decision to have another child entirely irresponsible. I have ruined ..any chance of the top career my parents had penciled in for me but I know I can be a good mum and give my children a safe and happy home. I wish bipolar would just fuck off.

[working9while5]

Martha, I got fab support from mn and I think sometimes it can be hard to appreciate for some that rl services are often just keeping you safe at most basic level and the real thorny work of getting well is something we each have to dig deep within the resources of our own selves to facilitate. I always think MN is as much as anything a conversation we have with ourselves. Sometimes you can post the unsayable in a way you can't. This is why so many beareaved and struggling with cancer come here. Sometimes you need compassion and empathy, not solutions.

Martha you are doing what you can. Hold tight. Remember thoughts and feelings don't control our actions, only influence them. Breathe, one foot in front of the other, this storm will pass. You are on a lonely road right now but you are seeing the psych and feeling your feelings. This will pass. Keep letting them in, keep in touch, stay true to your deepest values. You are still you. You will recover and this will seem like a nightmare. I have hope and faith in your future and I will hold your hand here as you get the support you need in real life too.

[SnapCackleFlop]

Martha, I'm glad that you're getting support on here. Of course it shouldn't be in place of real life support but all support is important and I think it's a good sign that you're able to chat on here and as Working9while5 said it can be a valuable space to say things in a way that you can't in real life.

I wonder how you would feel about going along to a La Leche League group or just contacting the leader for some help if you don't feel up to that? www.laleche.org.uk/find-lll-group

This blog might be helpful:
www.mybipolarpregnancy.com/2008/10/medication-during-pregnancy.html

This may be useful for checking out medications and breastfeeding
www.e-lactancia.org/ingles/inicio.asp

It's very unusual for a mother to have to stop breastfeeding because of medications. Sometimes you might have to take an alternative medication for a while and unfortunately a lot of health professionals look up the BNF (British National Formulatory) for their info re drugs in pregnancy and breastfeeding which is far too over-cautious and frankly unhelpful! Hopefully your local LLL leader could help with finding proper medical references regarding compatible medications and breastfeeding.

There is a great service run by the Breastfeeding Network. It's run by a pharmacist and if you feel up to it maybe you could contact it or perhaps as your perinatal psychiatrist to contact them (they take a lot of professional enquiries) www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/drugs-in-breastmilk.html

Thinking of you and hope things will improve soon. x (sorry for long links!)

[scottishmummy]

Martha,I'm sorry to read about the ghastly experiences you've had in mh system
regarding your current situation,I imagine the aim will be home treatment in the least restrictive environment
you will get support on mn yes,but pragmatically you need to maintain rapport with staff.your psych sounds great

good luck,I hope this works out well

[working9while5]

Getting support online from others who understand your despair need not in any way diminish relationship with professionals and can really help when you just want an ear not an assessment. There really are 24 hours in the day with a new baby and we don't live suspended in a bubble inbetween contactswith mh professionals. Martha will be going to the loo, feeding her baby etc, interacting with others in between these visits and the very few posts relatively made on here.

Martha's care team are visiting daily and are discussing meds etc. The care is happening right now.

Martha I totally understand your feelings about bf. I felt similar. I also understand your fear meds will flatten your feeling for your baby as I also had this fear. It is about that balance. I had to increase meds after a short while because I really needed relief from my symptoms in order to be able to access therapy.

Just remember you are not your thoughts or fears. They are there and the scary and unwelcome ones are just like passengers on a bus beside you... Even if they are loud or shouty you can just keep on going through this part of your life, you just have to stay on the bus. Hold on. Keep breathing. Try not to pay too much attention to those thoughts or fears. Notice them, breathe and feel your feet on the floor or your baby in your arms... Stay in the present moment. Let the thoughts and fears be. Notice them, breathe into them, let them be. They will pass, no matter how huge or scary they might feel. Your love for your children and desire to do the best for them and you seems clear to me. This will pass.

Mind yourself. Are you getting any sleep with the little one?

[martha2013]

Thank you very much for your responses. Snapcacklepop, the links you shared are very interesting. I have emailed the breastfeeding network and look forward to their advice.

I also apologise for the rant in my last posts. I know hospitals are necessary and some people have positive experiences. I hope nobody reads my account and is made more anxious about treatment.

I am getting sleep 2 hours at a time so am pretty tired now. I almost feel like this is happening to someone else and I am just watching. I'm terrified to leave my daughter, even in a different room as I'm constantly worried something awful might happen which is tiring in itself.

Nobody came over the weekend despite the plan. The NHS can only cope with mental illness 9-5 Mon-Fri it would seem. My CPN, who coordinates my care, is now away for a fortnight so I'm not sure what input, if any, the professionals will have.

My little girl is amazing though.

[working9while5]

Martha you are sounding pretty good despite it all. I remember that feeling of fear and the tiredness so well! We went to a park yesterday I went to with my little one when he was about six or seven weeks and I remembered vividly that feeling that everything was happening to someone else, that it was like being caught in a bad dream while still loving and appreciating my little family. It's really tough and so difficult to describe. It's a rollercoaster.

Hope you get rest today.

[martha2013]

Had a really productive appt with midwife and health visitor today. We talked about why I find being honest about how things are, so difficult. They have suggested lots of different support available to new mums so not mh specific. They also offered a support worker who could come help me at home. I would not be comfortable with this I don't think. Does anyone have any experience? I would be so ashamed if my family/inlaws were to know.

I told them I was having some pretty dark thoughts but didn't disclose any more. Doesn't feel safe to share them here either. I am coping though.

[scottishmummy]

support worker is a good idea,assist with tasks,support you,go out to groups
there's nothing to be ashamed of.its a transitional support to get you by.that all
frankly I imagine dh,family,in law want to support you,and if this is way of doing so.so be it

[DiaryOfAWimpyMum]

Martha, I too am having a support worker, sometime in the near future.

I have PTSD and suspected Bipolar, between the 2 I don't seem to be able to get much done, (or get much sleep or rest from my mind) I have a local MH Charity and CAB put them onto me, they do home visits so I had someone visit me at home for my initial visit, now I am just awaiting a support worker.

He/she (she i hope) will help me opening of bills and filling in forms, then apparently she will be dragging me from the safety of my 4 walls outside, if I want to go the gym we will do that, to start with walking the dog would be good.

I have forgot what else she will be doing, I have thought of cancelling her/them but my paperwork pile isn't going down and my mind is still a bit manic. (awaiting referral)

I really do not want a support worker but need the support tbh

[martha2013]

Thanks diary for sharing that. It sounds really positive and I hope you do get the support you need. Bipolar can take a while to be diagnosed but then there are so many meds that can help a manic mind!

I'm fortunate in that my husband takes care of our bills etc. When I am well I am very high functioning and manage to work full time and look after our home. It might make me a proud idiot but I wouldn't feel comfortable someone coming in to my home to help. I know my family want what is best but I already feel like a huge failure. I have let them down.

[scottishmummy]

it's short term get you through,support you with tasks,with baby stuff etc
it's a transition,not a forever thing.whats important is support/structure support you at home
again this comes from dialogue with you and staff,that there's a mutually agreeable plan

[SnapCackleFlop]

Martha, it sounds like you are doing well and dealing with a lot. In reading your posts I was reminded of a book which you might find interesting
www.naomistadlen.com/what-mothers-do.asp
Mind you - not too many mothers of little babies have much time to read!

Another thought - I understand you're feeling that you don't want a stranger coming into your home and can understand your feelings about it. Having said that - all mums (especially to little babies) deserve and need lots of help and support. I am a bit like you in that I do lots of things for other people but am not great at saying when I need a bit of help.

Would it be a possibility to get a cleaner for a couple of hours a week for a while of a 'mother's helper' - nothing to do with mental health, just hiring a bit of extra domestic help to allow you to focus on the important job of your family (which includes taking care of yourself).

Please post on how things go with the medication and breastfeeding if you want to. I work for La Leche League and can use the professional liason for you if you think that woule be helpful (they are able to offer a similar service to the drug line).

I hope this last bit won't offend you. If your son or daughter became ill would you blame them and feel let down by them? Or would you feel concerned and want to do what you could for them. This illness is a horrible thing but it is certainly not your fault and it is not you. - If your parents really are feeling let down then they are very wrong but hopefully they are feeling as sad as you would be if your children were to become ill.

Take care and go easy on yourself. x