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Original poster

So desperate

728 replies

GracieLoo · 03/05/2013 23:54

I wouldn't be posting this if I didn't care or wasn't scared but I am, and i don't know whats happening to me. I've started taking an od and I can't stop taking them, I don't care anymore, i'm tired of this, disappointing people and letting them down.

OP posts:
Ilikethebreeze · 18/05/2013 17:17

Yes phone them.

Original poster
GracieLoo · 18/05/2013 17:33

I have, they are going to call back as no one was in the office. But if I want to od then I shouldn't really call them should I? Just want it to look like I care and want to help myself, so others will not think so badly of me. I don't know what i'm on about.

Texted dd's dad to check she's happy and to tell her I love her. She's better there, eating better, he's playing games with her etc.

OP posts:
TheSilveryPussycat · 18/05/2013 18:09

Good that you have phoned them. I'll be here for a bit, checking fairly regularly.

Original poster
GracieLoo · 18/05/2013 18:32

Just got off the phone to them, seeing them in ten minutes Hmm

OP posts:
TheSilveryPussycat · 18/05/2013 18:34

Just tell them what you have told us, and you may have to trust their judgement is better than yours atm. [gentle hug]

SnowyMouse · 18/05/2013 18:42

I hope their visit goes well.

Original poster
GracieLoo · 18/05/2013 18:47

Change of plan, it's all gone wrong. I'm an absolute tit Sad

OP posts:
SnowyMouse · 18/05/2013 18:49

What's up?

Hoophopes · 18/05/2013 18:55

Oh dear, what is happening for you? While you wait to see CT you can always try phoning the Samaritans, it is free from a landline phone and you can always end the call if it is not helpful for you. Sometimes just having someone to offload to can be helpful.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 18/05/2013 19:48

Are you OK Gracie ?
How are things now ?

Thurlow · 18/05/2013 19:55

Hi Gracie, what's gone wrong? Were the crisis team helpful? Please let us know what is happening and what you are thinking at the moment.

Your love for your DD shines through your posts, it really does. And it sounds like she loves you and needs you just as much.

fluffydressinggown · 18/05/2013 20:09

Thinking of you Gracie.

Ilikethebreeze · 18/05/2013 21:37

Do you need to go to A&E Gracie?
[hugs]

Ilikethebreeze · 18/05/2013 21:53

My guess is that you have done or said something which you think is pretty awful.
My guess is that it is not as bad as you think it is.

My guess is that you may now have done something to yourself. Go to a&e if you need to. Look after yourself.x

kerstina · 18/05/2013 22:14

Please come and talk to us Gracie so we know you are ok.

Ilikethebreeze · 18/05/2013 22:21

kerstina. Please dont worry. I think last time you lost some sleep.
Gracie would not want you to worry.

kerstina · 18/05/2013 22:30

Thanks I likethebreeze you don't need to worry about me I just want Gracie to know we are thinking about her.We all want Gracie to feel better but I guess she has to want it herself too.

Original poster
GracieLoo · 18/05/2013 22:39

Omg, I started to take some tablets and a couple of vodkas, but then spoke to ct and they say to go to their place. I rang back and said I can't drive as it's not safe, she asked how many I'd taken and she said she needs to hang up and call an ambulance.

It came quickly, I thought I was in the local one, but been brought to another. Feel distant, scared, want to cry. They seem more concerned about dd, then a doctor who obviously didn't like me/the situation, talked to me, rolling her eyes and sighing, and said dd is at risk now so ss will be contacted, then left me. I have ruined dd's life, what the fuck have I done? I'm hurting so much emotionally, and people are treating me like the selfish cow I am. This is what happens when you are honest Sad

OP posts:
Ilikethebreeze · 18/05/2013 22:40

She does want to feel better kerstina. She just struggles to know how sometimes.
I hope her appointment comes through soon.

Ilikethebreeze · 18/05/2013 22:42

x post.

TheSilveryPussycat · 18/05/2013 22:52

gracie you have filters in your thinking atm that make you think the worst, when all that is happening is that help has come, really it has. Take care, I'll be thinking of you All The Time.

Original poster
GracieLoo · 18/05/2013 23:04

All I'm thinking is the worse, that I'll never see her again. I don't even know what's happening, if I'm going home, how I'll get home. Getting dizzy, need a drink but don't want to annoy them more. My poor dd, I don't deserve her. I'm so sorry.

OP posts:
kerstina · 18/05/2013 23:07

So glad to see you back here Gracie. Take no notice of anyone who tries to guilt trip to it is not your fault. So many doctors have studied mental illness but no way do they actually understand it . One day they might when they go through it themselves . Will they keep you in hospital overnight hope so ! X x

TheSilveryPussycat · 18/05/2013 23:09

Of course you deserve her gracie, and she loves you with all her heart. All that is happening is that you are being looked after, so can't look after her yourself. So someone else will look after her, if that continues. But if it happens, it will only be until you are getting well again.

If you need a drink, jus ask, or maybe there is one of those water dispensers?

fluffydressinggown · 18/05/2013 23:16

Oh Gracie, I am so sorry things are so difficult.

Can you see crisis at the hospital? I think you should and I think you need to ask them to consider an informal hospital admission for you. I think you need a break from all of this.

Have they done your bloods yet? Do drink lots of water, it will help flush things through.