Why am I such an areshole?

[PancakeFace]

I'm 32 and have 3 young DC & although we are pretty poor I'm happy with my life in general.

Why then am I so judgmental? Why do I feel threatened when I see someone who is trendier, more confident, or better looking than me and then mentally try to see fault in them? I hear myself talking about friends/family members to DH and realise I'm slagging them off. Why am I such an arsehole???

You are not an arsehole - you are most likely insecure.

I find that the people who make me feel most uncomfortable are the people I fear I am most like and I slag them off for the faults I fear I have in order to distance myself from those faults.

Accept your faults and you will be able to accept them in others.

I don't mean put up with your faults but acknowledge they are there and work on them.

The important thing is to acknowledge you have faults.

Easier said than done - it's a work in progress for me!

Thanks, that's really good advice . I'm not an outwardly horrible person at all, more inwardly. I find myself thinking bitter thoughts...I know I have faults and that makes me even worse as it makes me even more miserable.

make those changes out of love - because you want you to be the best you can be - instead of out of hate - because you want to be different.

m.bbc.co.uk/news/health-21900202

I'm on my mobile so can't hyperlink this but it's worth a read - maybe the opposite is true too.

I inwardly do this too, and like Helles says, it's totally down to me feeling so insecure that the only way I can go outside where there are other people is to try and bolster my confidence by putting other people down in my head.

I would never do it out loud or act on it in any way, but if I didn't overlay the level of loathing I have for myself with this veneer of 'hate' for other people, I'd never go out again.

I'm actually over sensitive and (I hope) compassionate, I would risk a kicking to intervene if I saw someone in trouble, but singling out other peoples weaknesses makes me feel less like a square peg in a round hole.

Try writing down something you admire about each of the people you have put down. it has helped me.

eg: thinking someone else is full of themselves but then realising that to this person is passionate about everything they do. it has been helping me to feel better about myself as well as about others.