How and how much to talk to kids about MH issues

[ruffletheanimal]

Thoughts?

Someone must have some thoughts on the matter.

At times I am v low and at others I am v anxious (and at others I'm absolute
Y fine)

As my kids get older I wonder more about talking to them abut it.
So far I haven't much really. I've said "I'm feeling really anxious/sad/whatever atm" but not more than that.

One of them has really strong mood swings and feels emotions v strongly at times. I try to talk to him about that in general and help him to realise that the world won't end when he feels it might. That feeling s are ok and normal and its our reactions we can have any control over. And talk about ways he might want to do that.

I'm just wondering how much other people talk to their children about MH issues, be it their own or their child's. and I'm interested in evidence based research on the matter too, if there's any 'experts' on the matter out there and reading this.

Hi ruffle.

Sorry, not much help, just wanted to say that I came on her wondering a similar thing:)

My ds will be 10 this year and I had post-natal depression after he was born. He doesn't know about how ill I was after he was born etc, but I still have bad patches (been back on ads the last 18 months for example).

At the moment I feel like I would like to try to say something to him about it, as I still feel it is a big part of who I am. He is very sensitive to how I fee now though, and I worry about upsetting him, or making him feel that it is his fault.

Hope someone has advice for us both :)

Hi Ruffle,

it's a really tough one because children often feel responsible for their parents' welfare and I'd avoid anything that encouraged them to take on that responsibility. I've told my two that I have to take medicine each day because most brains make a chemical that keep them working happily and properly but mine doesn't and without the medication it stops knowing how to behave. Which is pretty much true, but avoids explaining mood swings and anger and paranoia and all those other horrific manifestations of depression.

I'm considering coming off ADs as I'm so sick of the weight gain and exhaustion but have promised my DH I'll go back on if I ever get irrational. He said he'd rather have me fat and happy than thin and down! Having chatted to him, I've decided not to mention it to the DCs yet and will ask DH to keep an eye on my moods, rather than offload on them. But it's a personal thing, and if you have a lot of obvious manifestations of illness, it may be better for them to know, and to know it's the illness that causes you to be over emotional or anxious, or whatever, and not them who are causing it, as DC often think everything is their fault!

I've told my daughter I get a poorly head sometimes.

That's what I've said to my DCs too Katy. That and "mummy needs some more rest to help my head feel better". As a daughter of a mother with depression I echo unfortunatelyanxious' view too. Middle ground is best, and as apatchylass says try and avoid anything that encouraged them to take on that responsibility. My DCs are 4 and 8, but I think if they were 10/11 I might use something more like apatchylass' explanation.

Good luck ruffle and hope you're getting the support you need too x

I know what you mean lara I think there are a lot of parents on the MH forums...

Any more wise words out there?

Hi, and thanks for answers.

I agree about not offloading on them.

I am the parent of a 7yo with severe anxiety, and what helped her was talking about it, and explaining what CAMHS was, and letting her know that there are actually other children who feel the way she does, and that there are people out there that can help her. That alone made an huge difference while we were waiting for the CAMHS appointment.

Ds aged 7 is the only one of my three who I consider old enough to know something. The others are nearly 4 and 18 months.

He just knows I take medicine because mummies head tricks her into thinking she is sad when she isnt.