Help i feel so low................

[SomethingAboutMary]

I am feeling so so low, i am usually a full of life mum of 2, usually have all the time in the world for my kids, my house is always tidy,washing always done & dinner always on the table BUT since i was about 6 months pregnant with dd i feel totally shit.

I don't want to get out of bed, i dont want to leave the house, everything is just hard work, i can not even be bothered to get up & take ds to nursery and that is just sooooooo unlike me my kids always come first & i have always wanted the best for them, i just feel lifeless & i feel like it is getting worse & worse.

I HATE being like this i feel so crap i have no confidence at all i dont want to even leave my house, even doing the shopping is only if i really really have too.

I woke this morning & just cried & cried after dp had left for work, i felt sad inside. The weird thing is when someone says to me what is wrong i don't have an answer i honestly don't know why i am like this, it just happens i just wake up & am down i know from the minute i wake up if it will be a good day or bad day

I have told my health visitor & been to the doctors they are very nice & see me every week, i am on anti-depressants (which was a last resort for me) so just shows how down i must be, but they dont seem to be working, i am going back to see the doctor on friday but i just want to curl up in a ball in my bed & never come out again.

Someone help me this was not what my life was ment to be

Also because of this i am starting to feel like a really crap mum because i feel like my kids are suffering, i just wanna be normail old me but how do i get back there?

SAM, hang on in there, please, it does get better. I have had bouts of depression all my life, am going through one right now as have just had a baby, I will need to shoot off as baby will wake up in a minute, but I could not leave this unanswered.

It will get better. The way you feel is not always the way things are. You are not a crap mum, life is not pointless. Give the anti depressabnts time to work, but do tell your doctor if you feel they are not working, e may be able to help you with something else.

Chin up, life will improve, I promise.

hello,

when you are feeling so low as you sound, dont force yourself out.

Somehow just to give yourself a mental break somehow and to take the pressure off yourself will help give you some mental space to start to feel OK.

Can you split the day into say three sections, morning, afternoon and evening - do it on a piece of paper and in each part of the day write what you and your kids will do. Just something like eat breakfast and get dressed for morning, take DS to nursery in afternoon. That may help you with some kind of structure to the day.

Dont know if this will help. Just wanted to offer you some help. I know the feeling 'this is not what my life was meant to be'. I know when I felt like that, it was very small things that helped.

Thanks for the answers, & the suggestions are good, i will try the writing things down i just have no motivation, dd is now 4 months & i have been like this before she was born it has just gradually got worse & worse & now i feel that if it gets any worse tihngs are just going to go really wrong.

I have been on the anti-depressants for 1 month now but i am going back to docs on friday so will have a chat & no doubt a cry then with here.

I am just really feeling for my kids, because i think they can feel my depression especially ds & i think it will start to effect him, oh god i don't know how to get out of thie hole

Am going through the same as you at the moment. I know this sounds strange but it is nice to know thst i am not alone and not weird. Have been to my gp and having various blood tests done to rule out physical causes and reading a self help book which is making me worse as I convince myself that I am all the weird and wonderful types of depression.Does make you feel really isolated and I cry at the drop of a hat, no real reason. My husband doesn't know what to do and reckons once i have cried once that i should be better. He is very black and white. My next step is anti-depressants and am having some counselling on friday, so hopefully something works cause I want the old me back!

'I don't know to get out of this hole' - you don't know how to, you can't know that when you are feeling so low.

Please don't look for that way out now - dont give yourself that pressure. just get thru the day with some sort of plan written down (it does make a difference).

Somehow accept you feel low and you will feel low, you can't get rid of those feelings overnight, just get thru the day not feeling bad/guilty that you are feeling low. Trust that you will will feel better in time - you don't know how exactly but you will gradually.

Hope this helps in some way.

Hi
I would like to add some support - if your house was always clean and tidy and you have been a loving and motivated mum don't beat yourself up when times are harder. When you have a new child - especially in the short term you have to let standards slip a little.
Going form one to two children was the hardest time of my life - and your dd is only four months old. my guess is that some of the trouble is that you are exhausted!
Can dp ease your load any. I also have bouts of depression - some of which have been quite prolonged - try to find the moments in each day that are good, a loving smile, a sloppy kiss etc they can help you to get through.
WHen my children see me tearful and in a heap and not coping i remind myself that its all part of real life and if they see you sad from time to time it will help them with their own emotions as they grow. Don't be sad alone - keep posting when you need some support. wish there was an emoticon for a hug!

ballymoy - my dh sounds like yours every time i cry he asks what is it now? i can't help feeling he is irritated - for him a v. logical male its hard that the answer is 'the same' he then says 'which is ..?" and i have to say I don't know!
but I agree it helps just to know your not the only one.

Poor you. I know how horrible it is to feel so low, as I suffered from ante natal depression during my second pregnancy and PND after DS2's birth.
I am glad you have confided in your HV & are getting some support.

How long have you been on the AD's?
They take a little while to actually kick in.

Hang on in there. It will get better with time.
XXXX

Oh i know what you mean by the Black & white thing Dp is so like that, hes sees everything as black & white & sometimes it gets very annoying like when you have a head ache he says things like why sit 7 moan about it just take some tablets !!

Yes i am now starting to think i have PND never had it before with ds but i have had depression in my past on & off due to many things but i feel slightly different this time, i just can not seem to put my finger on why i am feeling this low i just wake up & know it will be a crap day IYNWIM?

I am so glad other people are with the same, well not glad that you feel like this as its not nice but glad there is someone to talk to sometimes i feel so alone at the moment, i seem to have pushed my friends to a distance i just want to be alone if that makes sence?

I have been on the Ad's for 1 month so maybe not long enough, i suppose i am asking for a miracle but i just really really want to be back to me i HATE the place i am in right now.

Give the AD's time, it is still early days. (I think they take around 6 weeks to kick in.)
I know how horrible it feels to be so low. I remember sitting there staring at the TV in a trance like state & finding myself in floods of tears but not really having a clue as to why I was crying!
Can you do something for yourself, without the children?
I found just getting out of the house for a walk on my own helped sometimes.
Hopefully the AD's will start to kick in soon & you will start feeling a little better.
I know it must feel like you will never feel your old self again atm, but you will do, I promise.
MN is a geat place for support. Wish I had MN while I was going through my PND!
Look after yourself.xx

lots of cyber empathy to you SAMary. Take each little thing at a time. That is what I try to do. Hang in there and talk to us on here. I use MN to rant quite a bit when I am feeling low. Although when I am feeling really low I cannot even manage to sign in here. I'm sure things will get better for you. x

Thanks i am hoping the ad's will kick in not the route i wanted to take but i reeally tried so hard without them & it was just getting worse & worse so i had to try anything.

I know what you mean about when you feel really bad you can not even sign in here i have been like that before but i just feel i need to talk & tell someone otherwise i start to feel very alone.

IMy health visitor asked me to start writing a "G" & a "B" on the calendar each day for good & bad so i have started doing that, last week i had 5 bad days out of 7 & so far this week i have been having a pattern of 2 good 2 bad 2 good 2 bad, she said to me to think back to what has happened on them days that may have triggered it, but to be honest nothing really triggers it i just wake up & feel low & know it will be a bad day if that makes sense.

I am sure i will get there in the end, i just feel gutted that this has happened to me, i really want to be enjoying my kids especially dd as they grow from being babies so soon but i just feel everything is such a massive effort.

I have asked my mum to have dd while ds is at nursry one day next week & i am going to have my hair colour done & hair dressers then the week after i am going to have it cut, i am also off to do a little retail therapy tomorrow see if that makes me feel any better, as i feel i have been letting myself go a bit.

Keep talking SAMary. It does help to talk. Well it does me anyway, although I am a bit scared of talking at the moment after causing so much upset with people a couple of weeks ago.

The G and B days thing is a good idea. Mine would have to be done by the hour though as I change like the wind

Retail therepy works wonder! I went shopping when DS2 was a few months old & I was feeling very low - I ended up spending a fortune, but it made me feel much better!

Blueteddy - Dp is paying he said "go buy yourself some new clothes babe" so of course i jumped at the idea..........

See how i wake up & feel tomorrow went o be at 8.30pm last night because i felt so low, think i will have an early night tonight is well, just want to day to end kids are going to bed soon.

thanks for listening to me i feel a bit better that there is people to talk to because i find it hard to talk in real life, i am not much of a talker so it actually toke me a long time to pluck up the courage to even talk to the HV & doc but i felt i had to for my kids.

DP paying! Excellent - you can't refuse!!
Hopefully it will really do you good. I found myself buying lots of clothes for myself when I went shopping while feeling down. I think that I needed to feel that I was still a person & not just a mother of two.
Buy yourself something nice. The haircut will help make you feel better too.
I know how hard it is to talk to the professionals about how you feel. I found it hard too. I didn't mention it during my pregnancy as I felt selfish for not feeling elated at what is meant to be a happy time & it took a good few visits from my HV before I plucked up the courage to talk to her about how low I was.
I am really glad I did though as she was an enormous support to me at the time.
Hope your shopping trip makes you feel a little brighter tomorrow.
Thinking of you.xx

enjoy hair, and spree. will check in tomorrow to see how you are.

Thought i would pop in & say thank you for your support

I have woken up & am feeling ok at the moment so looks like it may be a good day, i do hope so because yesterday was 1 of my lowest days for a while now, i am off shopping at 9am mum is coming with me so she can look after the kid.

How is everyone else today?

Just wanted to add my support. Have been in that dark horrid place myself and have emerged eventually the other side. And I just wanted to echo all of the advice below. Don't put yourself under any extra pressure. Take one day, or even one hour at a time. Do get lots of early nights and sleep too if you are able to. I have found that black days often come when I am really tired, even if I don't always realise I am.

Enjoy the hair and shopping trip. So good to spoil yourself a little.

NASW - just wanted to say hi and that I have been thinking about you. How are you, honey?

how's your day been Mary?

thanks for asking after me notquitesotiredmum. I am not great at the mo actually. You?

somethingaboutmary - hope the day was good and you got some nice things shopping.

Have been thinking about you. I had a good day - mainly due to early burst of cleaning which made the house feel better. Been sorting out the childrens clothes all afternoon - bit of a spring clean - really does me good.

Hello all, thanks for asking after me it's very nice to know people care

I have had a good day today, went shopping & brought myself some lovely clothes, shoes & even a bag

We then went to my mums for lunch in the garden & the kids went in the paddling pool & we played ball 7 things ds had a great time & dd loved sitiing in her bath seat in the pool splashing away.

I have felt very happy today, today is how i would like everyday to be but this just not happen at the mo.

I did have a little flip tonight at ds because he would not go to bed he kept sitting on the fllor screaming so i screamed back i seemed to "lose control" but it was ok cause dp came to my rescue & toke over so i went downstairs.

I am hoping tomorrow is going to be a good day like today but we shall see what the morning brings......

Sorry to hear some of you are feeling down, do you get down like me just some days or is it every day?

Also i know what you mean about the spring cleaning i usually put some nice music on & get in the mood for cleaning it makes you feel good at the end

so glad today has been good - don't worry about tomorrow - get a good nights sleep and tackle each day as it comes

Glad to hear you had a good day today & that you managed to get yourself some bits during your shopping spree. Nothing like a bit of retail therepy is there?!
Take care & take one day at a time.xx