Bipolar support thread?

[Crawling]

Ive noticed there are quite a few of us and thought maybe a thread for us would be good. All are welcome those diagnosed and those awaiting diagnosis.

Ill start with Ive been depressed so long now I dont remember how I used to feel, yet id still prefer this to mania as the havoc I reaked last time was very painful to clean up after my episode. If I had to chart my mood today between 1-10 1 being I cant think how to make a cup of tea and 5 being good 10 being the tv is talking to me and I must go out now im about a 3 today what about you guys?

We moved house so that I wasn't in the break-in house, so I know nobody here. That's why I'm so far away from my psychiatrist.

DP is offering to come home, but he has taken so much time off for me, and tonight's meeting is important. It'll have a big impact on his future.

I know its my fault that I couldn't get there, but I thought they might be able to do something. Even if it was just talk to me on the phone for a few minutes.

Do you ever get that feeling when it feels like part of you is slipping away, and you don't know where? I've got that, and such a high level of panic anyway...the dishwasher just clicked off and it made me sob. I spend my life working out how close to a lockable room I am.

Thank you for replying, Crawling. This thread has helped a lot.

Oh Caja you seem so close to the edge. I hope they get back to you and arrange something. Would it be easier to go out rather than sit in the house wondering if someone is going to break in?

How are you feeling Caja? Have you got antibiotics for that kidney infection?

Thanks for the advice Crawling and and Caja. I hope you are alright babyheave. I'm in a similar boat with work, although I work for myself and due to illness I now have no work!

I called the crisis team and they are getting my art therapist to call me tomorrow.

I've just got the letter through that I've been awarded DLA. Thank fuck for that. It gives the bit of flexibility that means I can now go into work and ask for some adjustments to be made either to my role or working hours so I have a better chance of actually staying in work.

I've just been crying with relief at the whole thing.

Bunfags - glad you have called the crisis team and you're getting some help.

I'm just off to have a celebratory cup of tea.

Babyheave can I ask what rate you got?

I got higher rate, which was completely unexpected. I was expecting low, but hoping for middle. I think its because I've been so ill this year, am on a lot of drugs and have a supportive psych who backed up my claim.

Did you get mobility?

That's great that you got your award through babyheave, it must be a hugeg weight off your mind. Enjoy your cup of tea.

Can I just ask if you ladies have experienced relationship troubles because of your illness and how you have dealth with having severe episodes?

Bunfags my first relationship got very nasty as a result of it it turned into when I was manic I would hurt him when I was normal I would leave him and when I was depressed I would seek him out so he would abuse me as I felt better and less guilty when he was hitting me.

In my current relationship my main issue is dp constantly looking for signs its like im not allowed to be in a good mood or angry because he thinks im becoming unwell. It makes me afraid to express emotions out of fear of getting the wrong idea.

I cant do something out of the norm without him stressing. Plus I want to be a midwife and my youngest child is starting school soon. So I want to go for it as im still young. I feel like I shouldnt put my life on hold and with treatment ill be fine. But dp wants me to do something else as he is worried about the effct of shifts or if I deliver a still born.

No - just care.

As for relationships. I am very lucky to have a supportive DH who has stepped into the breech so many times when I've been ill that he deserves a medal. I've treated him pretty badly when ill - manic or depressed. I know from speaking to other people that I'm fortunate.

I just wrote a post and I was logged out and lost it.

Glad you got away from your abusive XP Crawling. I have been vile to people whilst manic and depressed. Being unfaithful during a manic phase has also been an issue, but not with DP. It sounds as though your DP is looking out for you and has your interestes at heart, but he is being too intense about it. Everyone has ups and downs and is changeable, it can be difficult not to put everything down to a MH issue when someone has something like bipolar. Could you maybe get a professional to talk to him about it? Just an idea.

Sorry that it makes you feel like you have to keep yourself in check. I don't know about you, but even when "normal", I am probably erratic and somewhate eccentric by some people's standards. This is apparently very common with bipolar. Why not be a midwife though? If that's your passion, you will be much happier pursuing it.

Babyheave, it's good to hear that you have a supportive DH.

I have been vile to DP during this depressive episode and have only just realised how serious it is. He is very patient, supportive and caring, but I can tell that he is very worn down by how things have been recently. I can't bear to be touched at the moment, let alone have sex. We haven't slept together in about 2 months. I am not even sleeping in the bed with him. I actually just want to run away and be on my own for a while. I'm finding being around my family is very draining. I don't have the energy for myself, let alone others. That sounds really crap, but it's the way it is.

I see his points about the midwife im not sure I could mentally cope with delivering a still born but at the same time I feel my illness has made me very empathic and that id be good at it. Plus I would always remember that while I deliever loads of babies its a very special event for the mum and father.

I may get a HCP to speak with dp because I worry he is going to have a nervous breakdown if he is constantly on edge looking for my mood swings. I am also eccentric

I am back at work for the first time in a long time and its been a trying day.

Pros: I am getting paid for being here which is a very good thing.
Cons: I was hitting the diazepam by 10:30.

I still have a couple of hours to go. I have no idea if I can keep this up for a full week of work. I could murder a cigarette. I could also murder one of my staff.

I have read about 100 documents that use the words "synergy"and "strategy" to the extend that they are morphing into one long business speak document in my head. I have read a lot of emails that made me go ARGH and even more that made me go WTF and a few that made me go, oh heck. I deleted the rest of them.

I could do with a period of mania while I am catching up with what the hell I'm meant to be doing.

Do you see a psychiatrist at all? They'd be able to diagnose it but not a psychotherapist. I'd go and see your GP and ask for a referral if you don't. It may well be bipolar, it certainly fits.

Well I made it through my first day back in one piece, but I'm bloody exhausted. I'm glad I went back on a Friday so I have the weekend to recover.

Babyheave im glad your first day back went so good perhaps treat yourself this weekend.

Unfortunatly I think babyheave gives good advice speak with your gp.

Is it an assessment with a CPN for whether you're suitable for therapy. I had one of those last year, but wasn't referred as I was too ill to do it. It may still be worthwhile you getting in contact with your GP.

How is everyone today? I'm doing OK although I'm still a bit wobbly when it comes to work. I'm considering reducing my meds again. Not to the extent of last time when I went from 600 to less than 100 a day, as that had pretty disasterous consequences, but to 450 initially and then down to 300. Reading the literature there doesn't seem to be much theraputic benefit above 300mg of quetiapine, so it should still be OK. The reality is that I have the same problem as before - I can cope fine on 600 out of the workplace as it doesn't matter if I am processing everything slightly slower, but when at work, its not so easy.

I may be kidding myself. I have an appointment with my Psych in the middle of March, so will moot it then. Only problem with this psych is that I've only seen him once before so he doesn't know me IYSWIM, so I am not sure he'd be supportive anyway. I will have to see how it goes.

Babyheave imo as you have just started work which is very stressful it might be better to wait a few months because the stress of going back may trigger a episode. Of course its your choice I just think your more likely to succed if you reduce once your settled down a bit.

My exercize has stopped because I sprained my foot it had a lump the size of a tennis ball and swelling all over the foot and now its all going black. So ive had to keep off it but I have to say my mood is quite good atm. How is everyone else?

You're probably right crawling and that's the advice of give me. I just hope I can be that sensible! I'll still discuss with the psych, but I expect I'll get the same response.

That sounds a bit grim with your foot. Eek! Hope it's better soon. I've not been exercising, but I don't have any excuse other than laziness.

You're probably right crawling and that's the advice of give me. I just hope I can be that sensible! I'll still discuss with the psych, but I expect I'll get the same response.

That sounds a bit grim with your foot. Eek! Hope it's better soon. I've not been exercising, but I don't have any excuse other than laziness.

That's weird. It posted twice nearly 10 mins apart. Not had that happen before.