Bipolar support thread?

[Crawling]

Ive noticed there are quite a few of us and thought maybe a thread for us would be good. All are welcome those diagnosed and those awaiting diagnosis.

Ill start with Ive been depressed so long now I dont remember how I used to feel, yet id still prefer this to mania as the havoc I reaked last time was very painful to clean up after my episode. If I had to chart my mood today between 1-10 1 being I cant think how to make a cup of tea and 5 being good 10 being the tv is talking to me and I must go out now im about a 3 today what about you guys?

Sorry to hear your having trouble mirage. I hope things are resolved quickly. Crawling, forgetting meds can be so disruptive. You said you are in South Wales earlier in the thread, so you are fairly near to me.

Ohh Bunfags perhaps we could do a meet up some time I wonder if anyone else is close enough to meet up.

Has anyone else lost memory of an episode? I have a week, whilst I.was in hospital, that I can't account for. I was very paranoid, manic, full blown crazy person really.

Yes I cant remember whole periods of my manic episodes.

Scheherezade, recollections of manic episodes come back to me like flashbacks, similar to when you've been very drunk and blacked out. My last episode, which was depressive was the same though. I don't remember most of that, but I wonder if that's down to the fact that I also had some psychotic symptoms.

People - I am wondering about this bipolar 1 and 2 business. I have not been given either of these as a diagnosis. I've been diagnosed with "a bipolar illness with psychotic features".

I have to say ladies I bought a cross trainer and ive been forcing myself to go on it and when I manage it its really helping my mood. I feel better on the days where I managed to exercise. Anyone else find exercize lifts thier mood?

Hi Crawling. That's fab that you're getting some exercise. Yes, exercise definitely helps, but it can be difficult to keep it up once you start feeling depressed, then it can be difficult to get back in the habit again.

It's a bit of a coincidence, because I'm about to start up the 30 day shred again.

I've been getting back into regular walking after my last depressive episode. That definitely helps, but I had a very babd day yesterday. Today is better though.

exercise does lift my mood, but as soon as I'm depressed I can't face it, even though I know it would be good for me. I need to get my arse back to the gym.

I start back at work later this week and feel a bit bunny in headlights about it all. It would be good for me to get out this afternoon while I still have the chance to do it.

Hi everyone.

I'm the same re exercise - we've got a treadmill and I was doing quite well using it every night til the break in. Haven't used it since, although the intent is always there.

I'm glad it's helping you too, Crawling. It's worth keeping it up if you can!

I don't know how I feel at the moment. I'm still living in complete silence, and jumpy when there is any noise at all, which is stupid. Hid myself in the bathroom when DP let himself in because he'd forgotten something this morning.

Have a week from hell towards the end, too, and I'm not sure there is anything I can do about it. Absolutely dreading it...

To be honest I'm hoping the psychiatrist will give me something both for the OCD and to stop me feeling so utterly numb and broken, but I have no idea if there is anything that would do that? I'm lost.

Babyheave - good luck getting out and about. It's a good way to take your mind off things if you can do it.

Babyheave I hope you manage to get out and about.

Caja Im so sorry your still struggelling which is understandable I take seroxat for anxiety which is great by the way. Maybe get a anti d in addition to your normal meds they can be given safely in conjunction with a anti pysch or a mood stabiliser.

Re exercise Im normally very very active and slim but during this depression I have gained 3stone 6 that is what is making me do some exercise because I need to get it under control. Its hard everyday I dont want to do but once I force myself I feel better.

Babyheave, I hope you manage to get out too. It's still that time of year when things are dark and gloomy, so even a 15 minute walk outdoors during the day can help you feel better.

Caja, I think you're doing really well after the break in. Hopefully the psychiatrist will be able to offer you something. Good luck!

Crawling, I always gain weight during depression. I go from being active and taking care of myself, to becoming an inert blob that just nests on the sofa and eats.

-ditto here Bunfags and crawling. my last major depression saw me put on 3 st or more.

Funny we all gain weight while depressed do others lose weight when manic?

Hi ladies. Sorry to hear that there's a lot of struggling going on, but I can certainly relate.

I used to lose weight when I was manic, eating was so low down on my list of things to do, I.e. it was a boring activity! But I've been depressed now for so long that I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life, which is adding to the depression...

I can't even walk to get exercise because I'm so anxious I don't leave the house, and I also have plantar fasciitis, which is really painful

I've been massively overeating recently as I'm stressed about going back to work and all of the problems we have with DH not working at the mo. I try to be restrained and then it all goes to hell.

Could I have some advice, ladies?

I'm due to go to the psychiatrist tomorrow to talk about the break-in/OCD etc. It's rather important that I get something. Originally OH was going to take me.

He's got an important meeting at work now, and it can't be moved, so I was going to get two buses and a train, and walk for half an hour. Wasn't too phased because I'm quite sure it'll be worth it.

But today I've been diagnosed with a really bad kidney infection, and I can't get out of bed. I need to be very close to the toilet and can't walk much at all. I don't think I'll make the journey. I could ask OH to stay and he probably would, but it's a bad time to make him miss something this important at work, and he's already taken most of the past fortnight off to stay with me.

I could call in the morning and explain, but they tend to be very bad at putting you to the back of the line then. I could call the new crisis team number for my new area, but I've never done that before and I'm quite worried. I could try going, but I'm pretty confident I wouldn't make it if this gets no better.

I feel so messed up, I can't see any solutions anywhere.

If you phone and explain your cpn may take you or they may provide transport.failing that a taxi?

Caja, you poor thing, you must be feeling rotten. I've had many kidney infections. If you have a fever and really can't get out of bed, you might have no choice other than to reschedule. Kidney infections knock you for six and you might not be seeing things in the clearest of lights if you are really poorly.

It is worth talking to the crisis team if you have to though. It's their job after all. Look after yourself though. Kidney infections are horrible and you need to get plenty of rest.

I have lost most of my clients because of being unwell. I've had to tell them I can't continue working at the moment due to a health issue. We really need the money though.

Also, I need to ask a serious question to people on this thread about when to ask for additional help...

I had that serious depressive episode about a month ago (I think, my brain has stopped working properly and my sense of time has gone askew). I am still feeling suicidal and I can't bear the way I feel.

On one hand I feel very detached and think I am being logical and that DP and DS are better off without me. On the other hand, I still have enough of a grasp on reality to know I am not well. I am having mild psychotic symptoms such as paranoia, mild delusions, derealisation etc. No voices or anything like that. But, I am spending a lot of time making plans about how best to off myself. I can't cope with anything, my freelance work has gone to shit, I am on the brink of splitting up with DP and I have failed as a mum.

My art therapist does not think I need the recovery team after the crisis team were called out. I have been under the care of the recovery team before and I do not want to go backwards.

The problem is that I can't bear the way I Everyday I literally wish I would die as I really hate myself and wish I was dead. I keep telling myself that I have to get through it as it's morally wrong for a parent to commit suicide. The thing is, that I am finding it increasingly difficult to summon up the guilt and I feel so detached from DS and DP. It's like everyday is torture and the only way I can stop it is to end it all. I honestly don't think things are ok, or that they will be ok. I can't see things improving, just my life slowly disintergrating before my eyes.

Sorry to be a downer, but is this concerning and serious? What do I do in this situation. DP is being very patient, but he won't be forever ( he is not DS's father). He says I need to do something, but apparently I am doing ok. I don't feel ok at all. I'm barely able to function at all and it's like being half a person.

Yes it's serious. I've just come out of where you are and was under the crisis team. You could do with extra support before it goes any further. At the moment, you know that suicide is not the answer, but the more detached you get, the harder it will be to keep that rational side going. Thinking about how and when to do it all day isn't right.

Good depression is an utter bastard. Do you have a care coordinator you could call and ask for an urgent medical review? I got diazepam in the short term until I came out of it.

I go back to work this week. I'm already seeing things again due to the stress. This is not A Good Thing.

I'm going to end up losing my job.

Bunfags - talk to the crisis team. They will help.

Babyheave - I hope you are feeling better now? I know how you feel re worrying about jobs, and stress...

Left 2 messages for the psychiatrist about not being able to make it. Said I really needed the appointment but cannot physically move far, so could they call me to discuss options or speak to my doctor or refer me to the local crisis team. No response. Thought I was okay with that but it's all going downhill now, I'm a mess once again. DP isn't due home til 10.30, either, because of some social, so I'm on my own. I have to check every door every 45 minutes. Check all the locks, the patio doors, check all the windows. It's exhausting, crippling due to my kidney infection and I don't feel secure.

Gah.

Bunfags it does sound serious please contact crisis.

Caja Can someone sit with you tonight?You really are having a run of bad luck I get scared of breakins when im alone and I havent been through what you have.