how bad can untreated depression get?

[carolst]

long story very short. Husband felt failure and too much pressure, house falling apart, totally broke car, debt collectors, mortgage arrears, parents treating him badly, 4 little kids, working 2 jobs etc etc went to commit suicide. Managed to get him back but couldn't get him to docs. 8 months later starts texting a woman and leaves.

Really sorry to hear things got so bad for him and that it has had such an awful impact for you.
This is just guesswork, but I think there's a kind of self-medication going on by having the affair. That rush of adrenalin/excitement at someone new can temporarily alleviate the severest symptoms. Once the rush dies down, his symptoms may well return.
Certainly if he has a depressive personality, he's very unlikely to get better without meds. If he had a one-off depression brought on by the stresses you mention, he may recover. It's so hard to know. Lots of depressives feel really low with no external pressures but that list you wrote is enough to send the strongest person into a downward spiral.
I really hope you can get some help and support, for both of you, and that things turn out for you in a way that works for you.

He's had a lot to deal with, sure - but so have you! More in fact because he left you on top of it all. How do you feel about how things are now?

I feel horrible as i know he needed help and didn't get it, but now it to blinded by the text woman to see it. He won't talk about the suicide thing, he won't talk about head butting walls or punching his head. He can't even say the word depression, he calls it the d word. But now alas it is going to far, he's twisted our relationship in his head to convince himself he wasn't stressed about money at all, panicing and avoiding all those debt collector calls didn't phase him apparently, just suddenly turns out to be our relationship.
He's done serious damage to our kids though so sadly I am having to move on. Will his depression lift now he is away from the stress factors? and if it does would he realise what he's done, or think it's gone cause he's away from us.
I am worried that if the text friend rejects him he'll go suicidal again as he is completely clinging to her as if she can lift him out of the darkness.