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Original poster

I'm scared

28 replies

SnowyMouse · 11/01/2013 21:14

My psychiatrist scared** me by ringing at 7pm this evening to see how things were, she said my CPN had emailed her. I know I'm not in a great place at the moment, but I think I'm managing it reasonably...but psych was talking about stepping things up early next week if I'm still not well. I don't think I'm in need of more drugs (she wants me to go back on a tryclic, which I will do as of tonight), and definitely not in need of admission...which are the only two kinds of 'stepping up' I can think of.

Am I misinterpreting things? Are they over estimating my risk?

**She's someone who tends to cultivate a healthy respect from her patients, and usually only rings if it's urgent.

Help, please reassure me, it's important that I don't disengage just now, as my CPN leaves next week and then I wont have anyone for a bit.

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Original poster
SnowyMouse · 11/01/2013 21:17

And yes, I know some of the fear is because of being a little unwell...I don't trust them not to do a MHA asssessment.

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snowbanana · 11/01/2013 22:12

Well, if she called you that late you must be quite a lot more ill than little unwell. Does she know your CPN is leaving? Maybe she wants to make sure you are not let alone. Crisis team came into my mind. Maybe crisis people will visit you more often and check that you are ok.

Original poster
SnowyMouse · 12/01/2013 10:29

Good point re crisis team, I'd forgotten them. Still scared, glad it's the weekend so nobody can phone, I don't do well with the crisis team as I find it hard to let people into my house or speak on the phone.

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NanaNina · 12/01/2013 18:13

Hi snowymouse - can you say what your symptoms are and have you been diagnosed with a particular mental health illness. The CPN was obviously concerned about you and I think you must have a very good psychiatrist to phone at 7.00 in the evening, but it does of course mean you are not as well as you think you are. Did you mnage to get hold of the crisis team today?

I think "stepping things up" would mean a change in your dose of meds or adding soemthing to what you are already taking. It may also mean that a new CPN will visit you regularly, as you are still in needof this support.

Have you got an appt to see the psychiatrist next week or maybe a CPN will visit you on Monday. Do you have any RL support. Stay talking to us as there is a lot of support on here. I understand about not wanting to open the door or talk on the phone.

Original poster
SnowyMouse · 12/01/2013 19:18

Hi NanaNina, I've got bipolar with psychosis. I think it's mostly mood problems/ideation that are the issue at the moment, but I'm not going to act on anything. You can't get directly to the crisis team where I live, you have to go via A&E or out of hours gp, but I don't feel I need them at the moment, and I can't handle them anyway.

My CPN did say they were trying to cover her patients, so I'm sure there will be cover.

Thanks for getting back to me, it helps...I'm hoping the new CMHT contact will be as willing to be emailed as my CPN was.

It always feels dangerous when they're acting as if I'm more unwell than I am, because they can just turn round and say I don't have insight Confused Hmm

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NanaNina · 13/01/2013 13:15

Good to hear from you snowymouse (lovely nicname!) You are obviously very insightful as you know that it is suicide ideation at the moment, and I get lots and lots of days when I think about it all the time.

I'm sure you will be getting a new CPN and I think it possible someone wil make contact with you tomorrow. Please don't be cross with me, but sometime people who are suffering some sort of psychosis don't always realise how ill they are - that isn't a judgement, it is fact.

Anyway they can't be that worried about you or they would have been in contact over the weekend. Hope you get some support soon.

Original poster
SnowyMouse · 13/01/2013 15:42

Thanks NanaNina, good point as far as the weekend goes, wish it was longer...

I hope you are doing well/ok.

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Original poster
SnowyMouse · 13/01/2013 15:45

Does anyone else find it hard to make themselves stay in touch with the professionals?

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Original poster
SnowyMouse · 13/01/2013 21:57

So hard to sleep at the moment, anxious about tomorrow (Gp appointment that may get snowed off).

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NanaNina · 14/01/2013 12:02

Depends for me what the professional is like. I hated the consultant psychiatrist - a big fat bloke who never made eye contact - just looked through you. He was intimidating and his word was law - all the nursing staff were apprehensive and some admitting to being scared of him.

I had a lovely CPN and I have a lovely GP but it's hard to get an appmt with her cus she's so populr.

Have you got a GP appt today SM ?

Original poster
SnowyMouse · 14/01/2013 13:59

Sorry you had a bad experience NanaNina. My psych is very much what she says goes, with a commanding presence. One of the chaplaincy team referred to her as 'psycho firstname' Hmm Shock

My GP is very hard to get an appointment with too, I saw the practice nurse today, should hear from the CPN some time this week.

I hope you're doing ok? Has the weather affected you?

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Original poster
SnowyMouse · 14/01/2013 14:01

I'm lucky we haven't had much snow here.

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NanaNina · 15/01/2013 12:43

Yeah I'm ok just at the moment snowymouse - how are you - have you heard from the CPN yet?

Original poster
SnowyMouse · 15/01/2013 13:52

I'm not great, but surviving thanks for asking. I'll probably hear from the CPN tomorrow.

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Original poster
SnowyMouse · 15/01/2013 21:03

I need to somehow make sure I tell someone what's going on.

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Original poster
SnowyMouse · 16/01/2013 12:20

Well I've said good bye to care coordinator, don't know who the new one is yet.

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NanaNina · 16/01/2013 18:35

Oh I thought it was your CPN who was leaving, or is that the same as your care coordinator. Do you know when they coming out to see you?

Original poster
SnowyMouse · 16/01/2013 20:01

A CPN is a care coordinator in my case, don't know if it's the same for others, I know friends have a social worker as their care coordinator.

I had contact with my psychiatrist today, she says to email her if things get worse, and that the new care coordinator will be in contact soon.

I'm struggling with intrusive thoughts about walking out into the snow when it snows Friday/weekend Sad It's difficult to tell them what's going on, I think that's why she said I could email (I tried to explain today).

How are you doing?

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Original poster
SnowyMouse · 17/01/2013 16:08

I know my new CPN's name, not sure when they'll get in touch.

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Original poster
SnowyMouse · 18/01/2013 12:26

Just had a phone call from income support who wanted to do a review over the phone, I asked them to send a form instead Confused

I don't need that at the moment, help.... Sad

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NanaNina · 18/01/2013 15:22

Hi SM I am totally crap today, after 5 good days. I've cried for so long today, and only just got the motivation to use lap top. Do you have an H or P or children snowymouse - do you have RL family and friends to turn to for support.

The thing about wanting to walk out in the snow..........is that in the sense of just keep walking and you might just expire. Sorry if I have that wrong but over the past 3 years that I have had this bloody mental illness, I have often thought of just walking and walking and somehow disappearing or expiring. I'm in the Midlands and it's thick snow here and I had that thought today but don't have any wellies!

OMG you need the DSS like a hole in the head today. What is your financial situation. As you seem to be on benefits are they wanting you to go for one of the damn work capability tests, that are ridiculous, especially for people with mental health problems. I do know a bit about the system as I've been helping a friend, so may be able to help.

Sending you warm wishes and looking ahead to brighter days (oh god that's optimism..............?!!

NanaNina · 18/01/2013 20:25

Think you've got 2 threads on the go SM but I am posting on this one (I'm Scared) How are you now?

Original poster
SnowyMouse · 18/01/2013 20:31

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time NanaNina - I hope tomorrow is better for you hugs.

I'll have to wait and see what the form/letter says when I get it.

At the moment they're telling me to go and lie down in the snow, I've been staying away from my house keys as much as I can.

Thanks for the offer of help, much appreciated. I'm in a bit of a state, just have to see how it goes as you can't directly access the crisis team here, even if I could phone them.

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Original poster
SnowyMouse · 19/01/2013 21:39

Hope today hasn't been too tough NN

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Original poster
SnowyMouse · 21/01/2013 13:35

My new CPN is visiting tomorrow Sad

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