poor health taking its toll mentally, feel so useless and like a burden.

[BlameItOnTheChoirOfAngels]

I have a number of health issues, fibromyalgia, psoriatic arthritis, migraines and that's on top of depression and anorexia.

I am struggling. I'm in constant pain. I have to cancel plans because I can barely move. I rely too much on dh and feel crappy about being such a burden on him and ds.

Its starting to really take its toll and I've been having some pretty bleak thoughts and feeling that they would be better off without me. I'm losing weight again, I didn't even realise it but I'm only eating one meal a day because I can't eat two or three. And I really didn't realise. It was only when I sat down and worked it out.

Since yesterday I have had a migraine, my second in a month. I'm shattered and exhausted by being so bloody faulty.

1.They wouldn't be better off without you, because the most valuable thing anyone does for their family is loving them.

2.Of course you are shattered and exhausted and miserable. You are battling through a really hard time.

3.If you had a migraine yesterday you are currently in the middle of the migraine hangover which is why you feel even worse than normal.

4.Hang on in there, it will get better, there will be days when you feel joy again. Take it a day at a time and keep on keeping on

lots of hugs x

Thank you. I can't stop crying. I'm stuck in fucking bed again today in a futile attempyt to be able to do something lovely with the family at the weekend. This migraine is the final straw. I gfeel sick and can barely focus. I had to miss ds's concert yesterday. I wanted to be a mum who would do lovely things with her dc's.

I'm fed up of constantly fighting and being let down by my body, and letting other people down.

BlameIt I can really sympathise with how you feel about leaning on your DH, but you can't help being ill. Would you do the same for him if he was ill? Of course you would.

Your family wouldn't be better off without you. Your body is only one part of you and who you are and your personality and the love you have to give your family are way more important to them.

I know how hard it is for you to eat more, but try little and often, and also try to keep those dark thoughts at bay by concentrating on what you CAN offer your family rather than what you can't.

I know what I am saying is a bit pot / kettle / black at the moment, but you have so much to deal with and are just brilliant to be handling it as you are.

Thanks, I always find this time of year harder to deal with, there's so much food around and I feel like I'm being watched like a hawk. And then there are all the post-xmas faddy diets.

I've been trying to stay chirpy and festive and be the embodiment of christmas joy. But I'm such a fraud because I feel like I'm rotting.

And

Igoing to try to have a nap.

It's not fair. I would cry too.

You're not letting your ds down. The bottom line is that he has a mum who cares and wants to be there. Be angry with your body but don't feel guilty about other people.

In a day or two when you're over the migraine, things will look better. xxx

Thank you, I know it'll lift at some point, tbh I've been feeling crappy for a while now. This migraine is just the final straw. I'm trying not to feel guilty or get too caught up in the cycle, but its so hard.

I'm tired of fighting and trying and failing.

Bloody migraines. I haven't had one for ages but they were such a nuisance when I was working.
I had to cancel a class once with no notice at all - the students were really cross, but I literally couldn't talk (the syllables came out all jumbled up).

I think migraines specialise in waiting for particularly inconvenient moments.

God you poor thing. It sounds horrible for you. I was anorexic for a few years in my twenties. I still have issues though weight is stable.

At the moment I am vastly pregnant and have been feeling rubbish throughout...I was in bed for a few months at the start, feeling very sick and very tired. I could do barely anything and have no DH/DP so my children became quite self sufficient, which made me feel terrible.

I am more capabale now but tbh everything is a huge struggle and I have had to ask my parents to help with lifting things, and moving things for me and it's shaming...I hate myself for not being able to cope.

So I understand a bit of how you feel.

I don't know what to advise but just wanted to let you know that I understand a little bit x

Tunips, you are v right. Its as if it knows!

Sleds, that sounds tough. A particular low point was dh having to wash, dry and brush my hair.

Hi I'm not anorexic so can't offer support with that, but I do have ME, balance problems, allergies, IBS and frequent migraines. I know what you mean about being a burden, life is shitty sometimes.

BUT your dh and ds have a loving wife and mother who gives as much as she can and that is enough. Think of all those poor abused children/orphans etc etc, what you offer is a stable caring home life for your family and that is precious.

Christmas is a tough time, everyone out partying, spending heaps of money, rushing around. I know I feel like I'm missing out on so much and make my family miss out on things too at times, but we have fun at home and watch smaltzy Christmas movies and eat lebkuchen

When the migraine eases, can you think of some fun relaxing activities to do together, which create family memories?

BTW do you have a supportive doctor? Could you talk to them, there may be something they can offer to help a bit? I'm looking into starting on Amytriptaline for the migraines but need to check they don't interfere with my antihistamines.

I know how lucky I am to have a dh who will do those things though, its just I have always been so independent and an organiser. I hate feeling like this, and when you throw my mh problems into the mix - it becomes v messy.

Thank you maybe, we really enjoy each others' company and have spent lovely afternoons watching elf, eating mince pies and drinking hot chocolate. My gp is ok, but I don't have much contact with her, outside of reordering meds. I'm waiting to see my cons again in the new year. In jan I'm having a biopsy on a breast lump... It just seems neverending. It makes me wonder wtf I've done to deserve all this.

Ugh migraines are the pits. I get hemi plegic ones and I wouldn't wish them in anyone :(
I have fibro too so can really empathise op.
I am so sorry you feel this way, but I also understand that being in constant pain and not sleeping and eating can make you feel very very low.
Your dh and ds will not be better off without you. You are their world. You know this. It's the pain and exhaustion talking.
Wrt your eating...could you make sure that what you do eat is very calorific or maybe get some complam or similar if you feel you can't eat?
Dh had a go at me last night as I didn't have any dinner because I felt sick...had an awful weekend with mum being rushed to a and e and the ds2 too!
I have a herniated disc in my back too, op in may didn't work so not much more they can do oer than really really major surgery. Gynae issues still present...coil was my last ditch attempt and that hasn't worked either.
I turned 40 this year and feel about 70 :(
Hope 2013 brings better luck for you op x

Badvoc, that sounds hideous. You've hit the nail on the head. I feel so old. I'm 34, I'm exhausted. I'm putting my family through so much and if there was a way for me to just disappear, I'd take it.

I'm not sleeping because I'm in too much pain. I'm not eating because I feel marginally better when I don't eat.

Yep.
All sounds horribly familiar :(
Remember that at 4am anything seems a good idea, even silly things like disappearing!
I am really struggling this week...ds2 hasn't been well for weeks...worried about him. Usual Xmas stuff to do. Ironing like is reaching mountainous proportions, conservatory roof is leaking and fire isn't working! Argh....
Am now in 4th night of no sleep and it's staring to show...feel nauseous al the time, headache, sore throat, pain in joints, you know the score....
I know that in the new year I need to take stock and really work on looking after myself.
HOw about asking the gp for a 3 day course of diazepam or similar to help you sleep? Or some anti nausea pills?
:( so sorry for you . It's the pits.

I think I will give her a call, I'm struggling so much. The ed is just a symptom of everything else, but I need to get a handle on it before I start spiralling again.

I totally empathise. All these thigs that need doing and I can't because my hands won't work properly and I can't focus. I hate feeling so useless, I've always been so tenacious and organised. But I've forced dh into the role of organiser, which doesn't sit well with him.

Do call her.
It's what she is there for.
(Hugs)

I think you need to see a counsellor and get to the bottom of these issues once and for all.

My take on it? You have health anxiety. Some of these symptoms/conditions you have are ' in the mind' and I do not say that to be horrible, I say that to try and jolt you a little.

I think you should concentrate on HA as the condition that you have , take the right painkiller dosage, start engaging with your little boy and maybe spend less time in bed - try and push yourself a little. There is no need for you to just eat once a day, eat more.

You have more of a say in this than you think.

Artex, I know. I just needed a rant and to get it out, iykwim. I know it'll clear soon, and I have good days. We have lovely plans for the weekend, so I'm focussing on that.

Christmaswhine, ummm, its not in my head. None of it is (apart from my mh problems) nor do I have health anxiety. Or stay in bed all day. I also engage plenty with ds. I have tried to deal with my ed's for most of my life, and its tiring, so I need a rant.

Yes, I am waiting for my gp to call me back so I will ask for re-referral.

Anyway, I've had a nap and I feel a little better now. About to have some lunch. Thank you all.

Glad you've managed to have some sleep, it's a vicious cycle sometimes. Also pleased you've contacted your dr, hope they can help a bit.

Having someone saying 'it's all in your head' doesn't help. I had that for years until they actually found damage to both my inner ears, so it was all in my head, but literally not psychologically! BUT it does get you down and mental health problems can manifest as a result of the other health problems.

BadvocSanta sorry you're having a tough time of it too. You don't appreciate good health until it deserts you. Hope you manage to get your leaks/fire sorted too.

Take care of yourselves x