Is there any point?

[lancarra1]

I have had to have my house repossessed its being sold for £100,000 less than the mortgage, This is due to gambling, cheating drunk violent ex, he was gambling huge sums(I had no idea),i am in a rented house with my four children and my dear dad died last week. I am seriously considering ending this, there is no point in going on, I have no job and have ADHD also. Kids would be better off without me.

I am so sorry for all that is going wrong for you.

I've been where you are many times in terms of thinking the kids would be better off without me. They would not have been and they never will be.

Sometimes I hated myself and my life so much, I even resented my poor kids for the fact that I had to stay alive for them. But in many ways they saved my life because I just decided i HAD to keep going for them however shit it got.

Your ex is an utter shit but he is gone now and you are undoubtedly EVERYTHING to your children. One day you will look back on the awful loss of £100,000 and I won't say you will laugh but it will surely not look the way it does now. You may even feel proud that you got through it.

I am not saying anything will be easy, indeed things may well be bloody awful for a long time (I screamed at my kids again today, have appalling premenstrual dysphoric disorder that has consumed me with shame and guilt at my uncontrollable rages etc,, often thought the kids would be better off if I were dead especially when I scared them and made them cry... as I did tonight yet again :().

I hated my own mother as a kid. But I wouldn't have wanted her dead, and I'm glad she's still alive now. Our relationship will never be perfect but it has changed and I see now how hard things were for her and how hard it is to be a mother.

my biggest hug xxx

one thing that stopped me from actually taking the pills the last time I was ready to do it...(I was trying to get hold of a gun too, to make sure I really died :(), was the image of them watching my coffin be lowered into the ground.

I realised that that was something I just could not do. It was a moral imperative to stay alive. I cried so much that day and hurt myself repeatedly, I wanted so much to be dead. But I didn't do it because I cannot create a pain in them worse than my own. Sorry if this seems grim. But it's a grim topic isn't it?

I just can't see what else there is, I have an existence not a life, I will be made bankrupt and lose whatever I have left which is only a car. It is not practical to carry on. He gets away scot free.

And you will recover... you and the kids , you will , you are severely depressed... please do get some support via your gp with some urgency x

Think of it this way: yes you will exist and you will keep existing because there is no option. You have to stay alive for your kids. They need you more than you need to die.

Later you can consider your legal options against xh.