i just want to disappear

[Iamatotalandutteridiot]

It scares me that I'm starting to consider suicide.

I'm just a total fuckwit at everything.

No one would notice anyway (and, yes, I do appreciate that by posting this, I'm hoping someone notices). But they probably won't.

I wouldn't. I'm not worth it.

OP, I'm sure you are not a fuckwit at everything, even if you feel that you are.

Are you able to access some help in real life? x

Do you want to say more about what you have posted , I am.
I want to call you I am, rather than the full name you have posted.

What has gone wrong in your life?
To me, everyone is important.

Its good that it scares you. That means that you do care. Please let it all out on here, everyone is really supportive.
Settle down with a and and write!

Iam that is depression talking, not you.

You are not a fuckwit at everything. No one is.
.
I could have written you post around 10 years ago. I look back and realise how ill I was. No one really knew, I kept to it myself and presented a normal face to the outside world (as much as I could). But inside I was just dying and just wanted it all to go away. All of it. I even convinced myself my family would also think it for the best too.

Are you getting any help - GP or counselling? You will need to get help if not. Depression is a horrible, horrible thing, and it creeps up on you and convinces you that you are a problem that should just go away, don't let it win (sorry that sounds really trite).