I can't carry on anymore

[CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss]

I am so sick and tired of my existence. I have suffered with anxiety and depression for about 5 years now, since 'it' happened. I can't leave the house without panicking, I am always looking over my shoulder, it's exhausting. Sleep is non existent, I'm lucky if I get an hour a night.
My poor dd is suffering, she deserves so much more than to live with me.
The gp won't put me on meds, only sleeping tablets which were horrendous. I had my first counselling session yesterday, bloody awful. I don't want to talk about it, I just need it to go away.
Please don't feel you need to reply, I just need to get it down.

what does EMDR mean???

Hi there,

We would just like to remind folks that any advice given on this thread is the posters opinion and has not been verified in any way.

Please check out our note at the top of the thread.

Thanks

I think I have got myself into a vicious circle with regards to caffeine but I need something to get me through the day. I do not trust myself to look after dd properly when I'm so dog tired

I think I have got myself into a vicious circle with regards to caffeine but I need something to get me through the day. I do not trust myself to look after dd properly when I'm so dog tired

you need to be discussing this with your GP/HV...you may be able to get support with DD's care...respite for yourself....

If you knew you had a few hours a couple of times a week...it would take some of the pressure off and allow you to recharge, etc...

You must be totally honest with your GP and tell them your worries and fears, that you are struggling to manage at the moment, etc...

You can make contact with SS children and families yourself too...please don't wait until you are at breaking point...speak to people now and ask about support...maybe they have a family befriending service...someone who would visit and provide support and practical help or take DD out for a bit, etc...there are many ways they can support that may suit you best...you must access these and ask about it...xx

I thought all GPs had to offer an appointment within 48 hours, and at my surgery you only have to wait if you want to see a particular GP and that is usually a month ahead. Surely CCBB there must be an appointment earlier. Have you made an appointment?

Bleep I'm not at all sure that LA children's services will be able to help as their budgets have been slashed and they cannot cope with statutory work because they are so under resourced, but of course it may be worth a try. I am a retired social worker (30 years experience) and I have been really saddened to see on these threads how many people are scared to go the GP in case they are referred to social services and their children will be removed.

NanaNina, I'm sure there are appointments available, just with male gp's. That is not an option for me at all. No doubt they are great doctors but I could not sit in a room alone with a man.
As for getting health visitors involved, mine aren't interested as I'm under the care of the gp. They are absolutely useless.

NanaNina, I'm sure there are appointments available, just with male gp's. That is not an option for me at all. No doubt they are great doctors but I could not sit in a room alone with a man.
As for getting health visitors involved, mine aren't interested as I'm under the care of the gp. They are absolutely useless.

I don't have much useful advice, but didn't want to read and run.

First, if your GP is not helpful get another one. If necessary call NHS Direct and tell them its an emergency (which it is if you or someone you know is at risk)

I think the clinical guidelines for anxiety/depression are anti-depressants AND referral for CBT. (You may be able to find out more, try the Samaritans website?) Anti-depressants may take a few days to kick in, but they usually help or at least take the edge off. There may be a mental health team in your primary care area.

If the counsellor you have seen hasn't helped see another one. Sometimes it just takes time to find the right one for you. (I've seen a total of 9 mental health people - some NHS, some private and only a couple have been brilliant; others have been okay - or downright awful)

I know its hard to find the energy to 'fight' for this help. It will get better.

The good news - there IS help out there, and you can make it through another day.

The bad news - unfortunately it can take a lot of patience/frustration/endless phone-calls/red-tape and bloody beaurocracy. Sometimes it may seem like its not worth it. It IS. Just make it through today - and come back on here to post.

Thankyou aliasjoey. The counsellor was nice, I think it's more my issue that I can't talk about it and my sort of default mode is to just say I'm fine (if that makes any sense at all). I am trying to just get through one day at a time but really struggling.
You are 100% right about the red tape, endless phone calls etc. As I said the health visitors aren't interested as I'm under the care of the gp, the gp won't prescribe AD's, it's an endless circle of frustration.

Thankyou aliasjoey. The counsellor was nice, I think it's more my issue that I can't talk about it and my sort of default mode is to just say I'm fine (if that makes any sense at all). I am trying to just get through one day at a time but really struggling.
You are 100% right about the red tape, endless phone calls etc. As I said the health visitors aren't interested as I'm under the care of the gp, the gp won't prescribe AD's, it's an endless circle of frustration.

It can be hard to open up to someone unless you feel totally comfortable with them. Maybe print out your post and give it to her to read?

If you have been suffering for 5 years then it has taken a lot of courage to get this far. Your GP may not realise how much stress you are under. I have just checked the National Guidelines and you should be offered an anti-depressant for moderate, severe or long-term depression, AND cbt or 'interpersonal therapy'.

guidance.nice.org.uk/CG90/PublicInfo/doc/English this is a link to the Patient Info

I know how frustrating it is to have to go through all this red-tape, phone-calls - even trying to get through to the GP reception can take 20 minutes of listening to a recorded message! - and by the time you eventually get to talk to anyone you've lost the courage for what you want to say...

The GP will help - or get a different one - I'm afraid it is just the bureacracy of the NHS

Hi CCBB I see what you mean - did you make an appointment with the female GP, and I can fully understand why a male GP is not an option.

There is another recent thread "PTSD and not being able to talk about it" and you might find it helpful to read some of the posts. The OP cannot talk about what happened and it seems that many therapists feel this is essential to promote healing, but there is a trauma therapist on there who is saying it is not necessary to talk about it, and even if you do, it's no magic bullet. She advocates writing things down and names some person (can't remember who ) who has a website and it's called "Writing for Healing" - incidentally are you aware you posts are coming in duplicate - not that it is at all important in the grand scheme of things but thought I'd mention it.

Id say the coffee and redbull were making your anxiety and depression worse. Ive been where you are. "something" happened to me years ago. might not be "it" for you...but its a something.

you need someone to go with you to the GP. has the GP asked you to fill out a questionnaire about depression? Ive forgotten what its called now.

Try the herbal remedy "quiet life" ...they calm me with 2 tabs, and send me to sleep with 4!

also, vit b complex, evening primrose, angus castus, and a good multi vit xxx

try and get out for a walk each day. xxx

NanaNina, I'll have a look at that thread, thankyou x sorry about the double posting, only seems to happen when I use the blackberry I have made an appointment, it's in two weeks so just got to plod on really.
SunshineSparkles, thankyou I shall have a look for them. We do try to get out most days, weather permitting.

really interested in your post. Have you read the book on ptsd by belleruth narparsek. It has some nice pages at the back that are calming and the info is illuminating. If you find anything else that has worked i'd be intersted to know of it as I've been having a few problems myself after the plice chased a sotlen car into our house in teh middle of the night/!!!!! It was 7 years ago and I have problems every time anything reminds me of it. I was told i only needed to talk about stuf and i'd be better. Same as you, running out and vomiting and feeling shell shocked fo rages after. Still affecting me and can't work. Used to work with people. Drugs were hopeless for me, made it all worse. Coffee helps me get to sleep interestingly. Reckon it wakes me up enough to realise its safe to go to sleep if that makes sense. Hope you are better now. No panic are a good organisation and might be good ones to call.