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Mental health

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Original poster

I want to die

52 replies

Becky36 · 07/05/2012 23:34

I don't even know how to do this. I have a son who is amazing. I don't want to hurt him. My life is so shit. I can't cope with anything. My brother died last week, I struggle financially. Both of my last relationships have been abusive. I have no family here and I can't do this any more. I don't know what to do any more. I think that my brother has, at least, got some peace. My friends think that I am strong but I'm not. I hate my life and I just want it to be over.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 07/05/2012 23:36

becky, maybe you should call the samaritans?

lockets · 07/05/2012 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 07/05/2012 23:38

08457 90 90 90.

i know you feel like you can't do this any more.
but your son does need you, he needs you more than he needs anyone else in this world.

can you move closer to family? or do you have a friend you could talk to about this?

mrsruffallo · 07/05/2012 23:40

Your love for your son is the thing to focus on here. Please call a professional body who can talk you through this and aid you in finding out what help is availiable to you. Failing that make a GP appt tomorrow morning.

lucyellensmumnamechange · 07/05/2012 23:41

make that call - you need to hear another human voice just now.

you are greiving, you are going to feel awful, this will pass my love - just think how your son would feel if you left him.

Original poster

Becky36 · 07/05/2012 23:41

My mum and step-dad live in Spain. I have just been in to look at my son, he looks so peaceful and lovely. I am such a shit mum, we haven't been out of the house for two days. I couldn't even get dressed to go anywhere.

OP posts:

Frontpaw · 07/05/2012 23:44

Who says you're shit? Noone I bet. Your focus now is your child. You are his world and he needs you.

I am so sorry about your brother. I wonder what he would tell you right now?

Please call the samaritans. Speak to someone. Tomorrow is another new day. Its the day you staryt getting back on track. Speak to them tonight, so you can sleep amd face the morning.

lucyellensmumnamechange · 07/05/2012 23:45

Becky, the weather has just been shite anyway so a couple of days indoors wont do him any harm. But it is better if you could get out for some air, it will do YOU good. It is natural you are going to be devestated about your brother. Did your mum come over for the funeral? Could you call her?

Please call the samaritans or talk to your GP tomorrow. There is help out there for you, you just have to ask.

Just take one day at a time - tomorrow, make appointment for GP, get dressed and go there. That is enough. Thats all you have to do. How old is your DS?

SlightlyJaded · 07/05/2012 23:47

Becky. You poor love. You are clearly suffering from horrendous depression . Please call the Samaritans and keep posting here. You are a good mum, you are in the depths of misery and mourning but focussing on your beautiful son. You need some help, support and kindness to get you through this dark time.

Keep posting here. We are listening x

mrsruffallo · 07/05/2012 23:48

A couple of days in won't have hurt. It's bloody rainy and cold anyway.

Original poster

Becky36 · 07/05/2012 23:50

I have felt like this for such a long time - years and years. My dad died when I was a teenager. Then there was two god awful relationships and I knew that I would be alone for the rest of my life, with no-one there for the bad times. I was burgled at the beginning of the year. My older brother has died and my younger brother has been drinking a lot (he is an alcoholic). He has been told that he will die if he carries on drinking. I can't cope with any more stress.

OP posts:

mrsruffallo · 07/05/2012 23:53

And what about you own little unit-you and your son? You sound like ypu adore him. How old is he?

It's very hard to deal with all this stuff . Have you had counselling at all?
The trick is to concentrate on you and your son, that's what you have control over. I bet he is a happy boy.

thisisyesterday · 07/05/2012 23:56

so what would happen to your son if you died?

mrsruffallo · 07/05/2012 23:58

How old are you? Are you 36? That's very young to decide that you will be alone for the rest of your life.
Or where you born in 1936? If so, at 76, it's still not too late!!

Original poster

Becky36 · 07/05/2012 23:58

I have a lot of wonderful friends. But they haven't got a clue how I am feeling. For example two of my really close friends came round during the week to support me (about my brother dying), and we talked mainly about one of my friend's relationship problems. It's loads easier to give advice about other people's problems. I just want to not exist any more. The only thing that upsets me is how my son would feel.

OP posts:

Frontpaw · 07/05/2012 23:59

But you aren't alone. You have a son. One person in this world who loves you unconditionally. He is worth hanging around for, isn't he? How. Could you bear to think about not seeing how he grows up. I bet he's a smart, handsome lad - he'll grow up to make his mum proud.

MushroomGeorge · 07/05/2012 23:59

Goodness you have an awful lot going on if your life atm :( have you been to your GP?
Don't quite know what to say but with all the stresses and bereavement you have been through I am not surprised you are struggling.
Don't worry about not getting out with ds, you have been there with him, that's all that matters.

thisisyesterday · 07/05/2012 23:59

maybe you should talk to one of your friends... it sounds flippant, but a problem shared and all that?

i'd really recommend seeing your GP tomorrow though. you don't have to feel like this.
trust me, i've been there and come out the other side

Original poster

Becky36 · 08/05/2012 00:00

I am 38. Joined MN when I was 36, hence the name.

OP posts:

MushroomGeorge · 08/05/2012 00:01

How old is your son Becky ?

Original poster

Becky36 · 08/05/2012 00:02

God my son is so gorgeous, and I know he is worried about me. He is seven and he told his dad that I keep crying all of the time.

OP posts:

MushroomGeorge · 08/05/2012 00:04

Have you been to see your doctor Becky?

mrsruffallo · 08/05/2012 00:04

Seven is a fantastic age, and there are so many more brilliant times to come as he grows into a young adult. You may not feel it, but you are so young yourself.
Please go the GP tomorrow and see what he can offer you xxxx

tazzle · 08/05/2012 00:05

You are NOT alone becky , you have just looked in on your son, your amazing son. He needs you. Your brother is not your responsibility, only he can make any changes in his own life ... please talk to someone and get RL help ... look after you and your son.

It is possible to get through depression but you need help to do so . It might be medication, counselling, psychiatric support or other input... but your GP can be the first port of call. Please ask for an emergeny appointment ..... and insist that it is one and you do not need to tell the receptionis why.

Please also be honest about how bad you feel so that you get all the appropriate support you need .... if you minimise it you might still get AD's but not anything else.

Remember .. you are NOt alone

thisisyesterday · 08/05/2012 00:05

no-one can change this but you.
if you want to turn things around you can.

will you make an appointment to see your GP in the morning? ask for an urgent appointment (it IS urgent) and tell him/her exactly how you have been feeling.
or write it down and take it in.

there are people out there who can help you if you will let them

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