My DP probably has AS. Not sure I can live with it.

[NotSureICanCarryOn]

Not sure if this thread belongs more to this section or realtionships but hpe that people here will be able to give me some advice on AS rather than the relationship itself.
I have been with DP for nearly 20years and we 3 dcs together. The last few years since we've had the dcs have been very hard. Lots of sould searching but I have come to the conclusion that DP is somewhere on the spectrum.

I have come accross a description of NT/AS couple as these 2 persons being like a rose and a cactus, both living such a different life, in such different environment that it is very hard for the rose to adapt to the cactus way of life.
She is becoming dry and hard and longs for the garden she was living in before.

That's where I am now. I feel that I am loosing sight of who I am. I feel something important is missing in my life but at the same time, I still love DP and wants to make it work.

Any advise on how to cope when you are an NT/AS couple?

But he can socialise happily during the friends being round?

Happily with the few friends that are family. At least for a fair while.

With effort for most others.

Why am I answering this anyway. If you want to question my Dh's AS you can do that without my help.

Sorry on phone....

amber your feelings do not stop me or others from getting help. Feeling judged and put on trial does because I do not have the energy for that. Others might feel frightened.

It's the constant feeling that you have to prove that X behavior is stemming from AS.

It is also the fact that before you can get any help, you need to prove that you are right in talking about AS.

My first was just a statement. The following about MY fear of raising the issue with dp. This is just the start.
However, just like many others, I was struggling to express what was the main issue. (Btw, your questions etc have actually helped me clarify them. So thanks for that!) I was also wary of the reactions I might get (i was right). And most all, I was and am full feiar for the future for myself, my couple, my family.
So I am really sorry If I wasn't very clear....

I just said i had sympathy for you so no need for the huffiness

about "not being able to post"

BTW amber what do you think of the exchange after your last post?
This Is what I am talking about when I say on MN you have to prove everything re AS and you end up feeling judged...

mad i truly believe that AS people are just as different as NT. The way they react will show a really wide variety. And you should have.to defend yourself like this.

It's a bit like if you were trying to say how NT stressed people are. Not everyone stops eating or gets grumpy. But it's not because you don't that you are not stressed.

fanjo we xpost.
Sorry I wasn't being grumpy after your last post :)

ok :)

Go to relationships and have a read, or probably better to do a search. read the type of threads that make it so.

Then you may understand why.

As for feeling judged and having to justify things...seriously there is nothing you can tell the parent of someone with ASD about those things.

But again I thnk the way you started this thread and your refusal to elaborate defintely set the tone.

I would actually reverse things and dare say that MN is a bit obsessed with finding relationships abusive right now.

Amber
I think we will have to agree to disagree.

I actually totally get your pov. I have been on MN for long enough...

I am :( that you never got to see mine and stay so entrances in your first impression.

mad, agree MN has now a wide definition of what abuse is. Again :(