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Original poster

Support thread - adults on the Autistic Spectrum :)

717 replies

fuzzpig · 16/03/2012 08:41

Hello!

I've seen a lot of MNers mention being on the Spectrum, whether diagnosed or not. I thought we could use a long-running place to chat, share coping strategies and basically to know there are other people like ourselves, who won't judge us for being different.

I'm new to all this myself - only realised there was a possible name for How I Am a couple of weeks ago (thanks to MN)! Now I have a referral to an adult ASD specialist, to see if I have Aspergers. It's all happened very quickly.

Enough waffle from me (for now anyway...) but I hope other people will come along and find this thread useful. :)

OP posts:
ThePinkPussycat · 23/05/2012 15:39

Oh what an interesting lot of posts. Don't have time or energy to write much (had to stay up working v late), but I have a v high IQ, and sometimes wonder whether some of it is just down to having practised thinking a lot in my childhood, which was pretty lonely, and filled with much reading beyond my age.

I can study a taught course, but the self-study nature of a PhD has defeated me - twice!

TheLightPassenger · 23/05/2012 16:06

yes Unmember, v good point re:ASD and spikey profiles.

I have a similar problem with my DS, as he has an above average IQ (only got tested on a couple of non-verbal tests to rule out LDs as part of ASD assessment), which I believe masks subtle language problems (he started off with a unsubtle severe language delay, but had a huge spurt of language at around 4.5) EP ran for the hills as soon as his IQ came out fairly high Hmm. He does well academically at school, and because he is placid and reasonably sociable, in his quirky way, it's been v hard to get anyone to see there any issues whatsoever. Atm his primary is small and supportive, the teachers are v nurturing but am already dreading the high school years.

Original poster
fuzzpig · 23/05/2012 16:35

I haven't caught up yet but your post about your DD leapt out at me TUM. I was reading before school, probably hyperlexic from what I've looked up, but I got good at working out what I needed to know from a text (so I excelled at comprehension tests without ever actually understanding the text). That and the maths ability meant I stayed top of the class, and I was always very reserved and a teacher's pet so there was no bad behaviour to flag me up. My parents put a lot of pressure on me and only seemed happy if I was achieving, I can see that now I have my own DCs but I am still struggling to get rid of that mindset.

I don't know, I just hate that I am good at some things but I'm not brilliant at anything, especially since having DCs, my brain is frazzled and I've got nowhere, and it's not like I can say "well it doesn't matter that I don't have a good career, because at least I'm happy". I'm not happy and never have been.

End rant. Blush

OP posts:
TheUnMember · 23/05/2012 16:46

Maybe you need to find more acceptance of yourself as you are. Easier said than done, I know. For me, that acceptance happened almost overnight with formal diagnosis. In terms of my mental health/happiness it was like opening your waist button after Christmas dinner. Finally, you can just let it all go.

ThePinkPussycat · 23/05/2012 17:10

I hated maths with a vengeance at Junior School - this was in the late 50's and v earlly 60's. We had to learn our tables, that was a good thing, but we had to sit round in a circle and the teachers would go 'Pink, six sevens' at which point my brain would totally freeze. However, I am v glad I did learn my tables, as it has stood me in good stead ever since.

We had Alpha Book three - I know this as I was so stressed out by the timed addition tests that my parents bought a copy for home. It was something like 20 simple sums - 8+6, 5-1 etc in

Original poster
fuzzpig · 23/05/2012 19:29

I think I am letting go a bit - telling work has made a big difference, and just little things like accepting I need me-time instead of feeling guilty about it. I can definitely accept that I'm an Aspie - still waiting for an assessment but in the meantime I'm totally happy with the label for myself.

It's just hard to let go of 25 years of self hate. I think the main issue is resentment that it's not happened earlier, it's all entwined with the abuse my parents didn't stop, it is still quite raw.

I think hating myself is self-protection, much like the negativity/pessimism we discussed a couple of days ago - I know it's silly to hate myself, and that I am capable of things, but when it comes down to it I just can let go of it because if I hate myself I won't be so disappointed if I fail at something - and I won't be so gutted if other people hate me.

OP posts:
ThePinkPussycat · 23/05/2012 20:38

Well of course it's hard to let go of 25 years of self-hate in one go. For a start, that so-called self-hate has served you to the best of its ability for all that time, and there are good things that have happened to you, or bad things that have not, because of it. You yourself noticed the positives behind it in your post. Can you bear to thank the self-hate for doing its best to protect you?

I know I sound barking, but I do NLP and similar has worked for me :)

Original poster
fuzzpig · 24/05/2012 06:33

Hopefully in time I will, I'm just not ready yet. :)

OP posts:
ThePinkPussycat · 24/05/2012 10:26

With me, the self-hate took the form of calling myself a failure Sad Why could I not fulfil my academic potential, why could I not keep a tidy and clean house, and later why could I not do a job of any kind without getting depressed?

Re jobs, I am so glad yours is going so well.
you are young, you have your whole life ahead of you...

2MinutesToLunchtime · 24/05/2012 13:02

Understand the hate as protection thing, like not having high expectations allows you to not get disappointed as much. Vicious circle that's hard to break. Similarly to Pink, I continually think of myself as a failure (for pretty much the same things). DP is trying to do some CBT tricks/exercises to get me to reject those thoughts and realise the good things I do, baby steps and small victories are the themes of the day at the moment and they do seem to help.

I think you've got to be brave to even have told others at work. I feel so ridiculous after telling DP that I want to go to the doctor for an appointment, and don't know whether I'll make it that far. I think after a period of having so little confidence due to putting yourself down all the time there comes a point where you just don't trust yourself anymore, and that none of your opinions/thoughts are valid. Forcing myself to think otherwise now.

I really make no sense despite thinking about a post all morning.

TheLightPassenger · 24/05/2012 15:52

not forgetting the form of self-hate where you are so used to be insulted and criticised you think that if you get in first being self deprecating, it somehow will take the sting out of it. I am v grateful to a nice, older colleague who very kindly explained to me why I shouldn't do that some years ago.

oshuk · 27/05/2012 09:36

I've just done the test

Your Aspie score: 79 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 130 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical

What does this mean? Sorry haven't read this thread yet, but will come back later.

ThePinkPussycat · 27/05/2012 10:00

oshuk it means that according to the tests you most likely do not have Aspergers (are not an Aspie), and are likely to have a brain wired similarly to most of the population (neuro-typical).

However, the fact that you did the test means, I presume, that there is some trait or traits which made you wonder about yourself, that or maybe you have a DC who has a diagnosis?

Can you tell us a little more?

oshuk · 27/05/2012 11:43

I will, later. Was on the other thread, I think under a diff name, or maybe I just messaged the OP.

Original poster
fuzzpig · 27/05/2012 11:46

Welcome oshuk :)

OP posts:
ThePinkPussycat · 27/05/2012 15:24

As you see, oshuk, fuzzpig has much better manners than me Blush Wink

Welcome :)...

TheLightPassenger · 27/05/2012 18:49

Hi Oshuk, I came out on that test as traits of both NT and AS, and noone has booted me off the thread yet! The way I see it is that this thread is for people who feel the whole AS issue resonates somehow with past experiences/current social or sensory difficulties, rather than dependent on any particular official diagnosis, or score on a test.

Original poster
fuzzpig · 27/05/2012 19:36

Indeed, I'd hardly be able to complain about anyone else not being an official Aspie - I'm nowhere near diagnosis yet! :)

OP posts:
ThePinkPussycat · 28/05/2012 07:49

To suddenly change the subject (as I do!) did anyone have a phobia of mirrors or of having their photo taken when they were younger of course I have grown out of it?

I remember very clearly having a class photo taken, and the photographer saying we would see a birdie (and in my memory he wasnt' just saying 'watch the birdie'). I was quite excited by this, and felt v disappointed and let down by the adult world when no birdie was forthcoming Sad Blush Grin Photo phobia may have had something to do with this.

SystemofaDowny · 28/05/2012 10:00

I have not grown out of my phobia of photos or mirrors, in fact it has probably got worse as I got older. Also listening to any recording of my voice.

Original poster
fuzzpig · 28/05/2012 17:03

Today at work I saw a big, recent textbook about mental health nursing. I turned to the index on a hunch. As I suspected - loads of entries for depression, schizophrenia etc. Anything on ASD? Nope, not even a single word.

OP posts:
TheLightPassenger · 28/05/2012 18:46

think my dislike of photos of me is for the shallow reason that I am not v photogenic! I hate hearing my voice though, it's seems sort of flat and dull and high pitched all at once?

I dunno re:MH book fuzzpig, as strictly speaking AS(D) is a neurological condition rather than mental health. but with the comorbids etc you would expact some mention somewhere!

ThePinkPussycat · 28/05/2012 19:09

I look fine (well, not too bad) in photos if I don't know I'm having my picture taken. Otherwise I sort of don't know how to hold my face. TBH am still not v keen on mirrors, and can't sleep in a room with one.

There is a service user movement atm to get the psychiatric community to ditch labels and look at symptoms, think this would be good for all of us, those with mh issues, and those with neurological conditions - and both!

TheLightPassenger · 28/05/2012 19:12

yes, some of the mh labels can be incredibly stigmatizing, and public perception so unreasonable and prejudiced, I definitely think that sound sensible.

TheUnMember · 28/05/2012 21:23

I'm learning very quickly than many professionals don't their arse from their elbows when it comes to ASD. I posted this thread earlier about my recent experience :(

As for tests, the best is the AQ. It may be the simplest but as a screening tool it has been extensively researched and proved to be extremely accurate. 0% false results in under 18s and just 3% false results in adults. It is the most widely used in formal assessments.