Support thread - adults on the Autistic Spectrum :)

[fuzzpig]

Hello!

I've seen a lot of MNers mention being on the Spectrum, whether diagnosed or not. I thought we could use a long-running place to chat, share coping strategies and basically to know there are other people like ourselves, who won't judge us for being different.

I'm new to all this myself - only realised there was a possible name for How I Am a couple of weeks ago (thanks to MN)! Now I have a referral to an adult ASD specialist, to see if I have Aspergers. It's all happened very quickly.

Enough waffle from me (for now anyway...) but I hope other people will come along and find this thread useful. :)

I am susceptible to "ohr worms" too. I preached a whole sermon on an ear worm once, mainly because I couldn't get it out of my head as I tried to write it, so decided well maybe thats what I should be preaching on :). I also preached a sermon once on Fernando Torres not being able to score a goal (it was all to do with expectations and the "cult of celebrity", how we turn on them if they don't "achieve").

Glad to hear its not an actual worm, I can uncover my ears now. I also get tunes or phrases stuck in my head all the time and sometimes the only way to get rid of them is by saying them out loud. It doesn't always work though because sometimes saying it makes me laugh if I like the sound of it, so then I want to say it more. Then I am stuck all day hearing something and trying to stop myself saying it too. Another thing similar I think is I start noticing a word everywhere. I hear people say it, see it written down a lot for a few days at a time. Since yesterday the word I keep hearing and seeing is 'sermon' Then I read Mary's post and it is in there again and a few minutes later I see and hear it on TV too!

Oh god, that's one reason I've had to quit my choir, couldn't stand the 3-day long ear worms, that kept me awake each night!

I still sing in a smaller group though (less intense, so fewer 'ear worms')

TPP why would a psychiatrist think you're mad for getting a song on the brain?! How odd, it's quite common in the general populace I thought. Crap psychiatrist indeed!

Maybe it's more common in Aspies? Or we are more aware of them?

Yes I had thought it was commonplace myself, fuzzpig.

I don't know if it is more common, but i know that my brain seems to not like being quiet. I don't understand how some people can say that they are thinking of nothing because I am always thinking of something.

Te other thing that happens a lot for me is I am having conversations with people inside my head. It is either replaying a conversation i already had, so I can work out what I should have said or practising for a future conversation, although they never turn out the way I plan them in real life. I think a psychiatrist would definitely say I was mad if I told them that I talk to people inside my head.

System I can relate to everything in that post. It's like I wrote it myself.

This was quite interesting especially because it mentioned having two earworms at once.

Yes I am always thinking of something! Brain works on its own

I stopped planning what to say in conversations, eventually, in my 40s. Since I can't make up the replies with any accuracy, I now focus on getting a clear outcome for the conversation (if appropriate), and rehearsing/planning only my first utterance.

Interesting if earworms could help with diagnosis...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who does that conversation rehearsal. It's like normal people may go over something a couple of times (an "I wish I'd said..." hindsight type thing) but I'd do that 100 times minimum, especially at night before sleep (less distraction). Same with planning in advance what I want to say.

When I was young I had imaginary friends, but not normal playmate type like Soren Lorensen (if you know Charlie and Lola books). It was like there were about ten tiny people standing near me. No tangible features, I never really convinced myself they were real IYSWIM, or played with them. I just talked to them in my head (never aloud) so when I was 'rehearsing' or 'repeating' a conversation, they were sort of the recipient. I guess it was my brain's way of trying to seem a bit more normal.

I had a friend visit me on my lunch break which was great - she was very understanding about the Aspie thing. Although somebody else we both know did come and talk to her while totally blanking me I am so used to being the one making the social gaffe that I barely know what's rude and what isn't. Anyway, it was a lovely meet up but even that left me a bit depleted as normally on my lunch break I just 'go to zero' IYSWIM, I do join in with conversation sometimes but it's quite normal to just sit and read so I often do that. Lots of people go out for a walk - I used to when I was buying lunch, but now I eat and then make the most of the quiet.

You know, whenever I start a thread or even post on one, I always feel so self conscious that I really watch what I say. Those few times
I've got a minor 'flaming' really stay with me too. But on this thread, I don't feel I have to do that anymore. I can actually completely be myself. It is such a relief.

So in the spirit of being myself I will say that I am feeling smug for starting what has turned out to be an awesome thread :o

Oh great I've gone and killed the awesome thread :(

Anyway I just realised, even a game like Draw Something is 'social' enough for me to actually avoid playing for a week or two at a time. Pathetic!

No you haven't.

Its part of our amazing problem-solving minds that we try to resolve conversations as well. Which includes planning for all eventualities should they crop up in future conversations, as well as reliving past conversations to see where they went wrong :)

I cannot play anything competitive like Draw Something, cos I feel threatened if I get it wrong! I know the laws of chess (is it laws?) but won't learn to play as I just want to compute all possible permutations...

Speaking of reliving past conversations to see where they went wrong ... can anyone see where I went wrong in this thread to warrant the nastiness from Collaborate? I read it this morning, had a cry and have been utterly disfunctional since because I'm so confused by it. :(

I'm Kladdkaka by the way. I had a problem with my account and MNHQ said it was because I was the un member, so I changed my name to reflect my new status. So that thread has posts both before and after name change.

I don't really know kladdkaka, it's horrible when a thread turns sour.

Himm Collaborate is known to give good advice, but I agree with you they were rude with no reason. All you did was give your experience, you acted with sols advice, and you explained your very understandable reasons for acting as you did.

I know that sinking thread feeling, I have had it when AnyFucker (!!) got the wrong idea of what I was trying to say. Then when you defend yourself it can get even worse.

Have you been on the EA thread in Relationships - have just divorced mine, luckily he's not violent. I was thinking not that you need help, but your advice might be welcome.

I looked up Kladdkaka, sounds yummy

Oh well, at least I know it's not just me that doesn't get it

The worst part for me isn't just that I don't get it, but that I then find I can't disengage from it. I can't shrug it off and walk away.

TBH there are some 'high profile' MNers that I'm a bit nervous of because I find they can be a bit arrogant due to their status on here.

Anyway. I've just posted on the 'bloggers' board as I'm thinking about starting an Aspergers blog. There are loads out there so it's not like I'm planning to compete, I just want to get my thoughts and experiences into some sort of organised page, so that maybe others can benefit from it as I have benefited from this thread and the books/websites I've been reading. :)

Re "awesome thread": would agree wholeheartedly. Thank you all very much for it.

Re blogging: that sounds really interesting. I have mainly lurked here but wanted to ask what sources of info folks had found useful, and equally which ones were not so good. If anyone wanted to post their favourite resources here, that would be great too, especially stuff about having AS and being a mum (not sure whether folks on this thread have children or not) and/or working.

To kick off: I find the "wrong planet" website especially forum really good too. www.wrongplanet.net/forums.html

I have written my intro page but no proper posts yet as my parents were here today. I think I will find it difficult to know what to write each time as I'll want a vague topic, but it's hard as one topic will overlap with another... A perfectionist nightmare!

So you ask about being an Aspie parent - I have 2 DCs, and I'm not really sure how being an Aspie has affected my parenting. I did read somewhere that it can be a benefit because you are more consistent with discipline. Anyway, I am actually very cuddly (my 'touching' issues are more about me approaching others, IYSWIM?) so my DCs are very affectionate.

One issue I do have is play - this is something I mentioned at the GP when asking for a referral and I cried because of it - I find some kinds of play difficult. Give me a puzzle or board game and I'm happy, so DCs have loads of them (expensive addiction!). But I can't do imaginative play, I never could (I remember setting up scenes with my beloved puppy in my pocket toys, but I never played with them if that makes sense). DD asks me to pretend something-or-other and my heart sinks. It's not that I can't be arsed, it's that I don't know what to do. I am starting to forgive myself for this now, as I finally understand that it's not my fault! And I am so proud of DD's wild and vivid imagination.

My lack of activities with DCs has also been a big source of guilt for the last 5 years. I HATED toddler groups and barely have any mum friends, even at DD's school. I had PND both times, and in retrospect a lot of that was because I felt so inferior due to the feeling that I wasn't a 'proper' mummy. If I'd only known the truth then!

You mentioned work too - this subject is new to me, as I was a SAHM until DH's injury made him unable to work (nearly 2 years ago, we are waiting to see if surgery will fix things). I started work in July last year at a library, it's fantastic and I think the reason I got this job after many years of failed interviews was because I genuinely felt at home there, and had true confidence I could do the job. I guess I also have a reason for my lack of interview skills...

It was starting work that started me on the road to finding out about brig Aspie. While I enjoy the job, it took a strain on me being around people more than I had been in years. I had no idea I would find that difficult because I hadn't even tried for so long!

I am lucky that the job is well structured and I get plenty of time on my own as well as time with customers. I am worried that I won't cope with moving up the career ladder but right now I'm just trying to make the best go of my current role. They've been very understanding, the manager in particular has been amazing. She has a friend who was diagnosed as an adult so has a bit of insight. The only problem I have is that I am torn between wanting to be normal, one of the gang, and just wanting to be looked after... but I am scared of being too needy like I was at school. That causes me a lot of inner conflict.

Wow, marathon post sorry I probably have loads more to say, and this thread is to talk about anything related to being on the spectrum, so please do ask stuff if you want! :)

Hello. And hi, Pink!

Well, I was sent the links and scored a 32 and a 129 / 76 (lowest on the social side). This seems fairly low to me, given others are talking about 160 and so on. I always thought I was probably just a difficult person, and that everyone found other people to be hard work. Although I never quite understood how other women had gangs of mates and had so much time and energy for socialising. Is this score low enough to be negligible, and maybe I am just quite solitary - or is finding being solitary a relief actually part of the traits and it's normal to be more... vivacious?

Which test did you do Pin? I have noticed that the Baron-Cohen 'AQ' test seems to be slightly biased towards males. A question about not liking fiction (many female aspies love fiction, and that is how we 'escape' from the social world)

Also, finding numbers, dates etc. fascinating (not me at all, my obsessions are reading and music )

Although, I know some of the women on here do love numbers

Me me I love numbers :o

Hello pin, I love your name! Does it come from anything particular?

Hello cabbage (on another thread we're on we call her that to avoid confusion). Do tell your name story .

Hi, Devil. I did the Baron-Cohen (32) and the Aspie one (129/76). And yes, I'm much more about escaping sociability (books, logic puzzles, endless pedantry than what I thought were more 'typical' traits such as facts, facts, facts. I've always found interaction to be harder work than I feel it should be - I am unsure what people want from me, so spend a lot of concentration on providing the 'correct' response! Always with the checks and balances in the back of my mind... I still have to try constantly not to reply 'this-is-the-answer', instead of 'oh-how-sudden-how-do-you-feel' type responses, iykwim? I looked at that pdf of female displaying traits, and yes, it's all correct, but isn't everyone just like that?

Hi, Fuzzy. Yes, it comes from coming second in a village veg. competition: the winner was a local personality and his cabbage had holes in! Mine was perfect! I was cheated of that rosette!