Health anxiety again

[angsty]

Hi (namechanged as am feeling silly about how I am feeling right now). I know there was a helath anxiety thread last year but it hasn't been written on for a while so I didn't know if I should resurrect or start a new one...

I have suffered from health anxiety to quite a severe degree since the birth of my DS 2 and a half years ago. I have gone from neurological diseases, to gynae problems to breast cancer (well, I did get a recall for an apparantly abnormal mammogram which was terrifying, but it turned out to be OK). As soon as I am reassured about one thing I get anxious about another and actually develop symptoms. Until I was reassured about the breast I felt breast pain, now the pain has moved to my armpit and I have weird feelings down my arms. I am terrified of multiple sclerosis now. I have seen numerous specialists and am on an antidepressant can't shake it. I have also had CBT, which was a bit of a help but has not stopped this.

I just can't get rid of the fears. I am an older mum, my child probably has special needs (still being assessed) and I am the family breadwinner, so I have terrible fears about not being around for him, or able to provide for him.

I don't really know what I am looking for, just a connection with others in this position I suppose...

Reassurance is addictive, isn't it? It gives such a temporary relief, then it's so compelling to go back and search for more.

I'm an HA sufferer too but I know the anxiety has spread to most other parts of my life too and also leads into depression. I'm not on medication at the moment (I'd rather not - it's complicated) but my GP has referred me to the Community Psychiatric Nurse to discuss other therapy options. CBT is a really practical method and it works really well for some. While it helped me get through some bumpy patches and gave me great 'tools' to begin to create healthier patterns of believing and behaving I didn't find that it addressed the roots of why I feel the way I do. I'd like to see if there is another type of therapy that might help to do this. I'll pay if necessary...

A book I'm reading at the moment is 'Overcoming Worry' by Meares and Freeston and I'm finding it very helpful. It's a CBT approach.

I've got to get my ass off the sofa now and tidy up a bit before I go to bed (and try to get a good night's sleep) I guess I just wanted to say it's not just you...

Thanks for the reply, I am feeling a bit better today. I may well think of some other therapy in the future, am discussing with my psychiatrist. I will get the book you mentioned as well, thanks so much for the recommendation.

Hi Angsty,

Another HA sufferer here, just sending you some support, you're not alone in being afflicted with this awful anxiety - I could have written your post myself.
It can really spoil daily life can't it.

I have had this now for approaching 4 years, but am determined to overcome it this year, and like MissBetsy, I have just had an appt with my local Mental Health Nurse for an assesment, and am going to have some CBT.

I am so tired of the obsession, reassurance, relief, further obsession cycle that I am truly hoping I can get a handle on things this year. No advice for you really, but just wanted to let you know there's another HA sufferer here,
as sometimes it can seem that we are the only ones in the world who are constantly checking and fearful, and of course we are not.

Take care, hope you can get the support you need asap.

Another sufferer here too that could do with some support.

Like you OP, I panic about one thing, get reassured from the doctor, and the next little twinge I feel has me off on another tangent. I have bounced from bowel trouble, to stomach, to heart attack, to brain problems........its got such a grip on me that I lose all sense of reality.

It also started after the traumatic birth of my DD - she nearly died and I was in pretty poor shape too.

I went to my doctor in a terribly state over a minor health issue (to me, I was doomed, destined for months in hospital and test after test etc) and she suggested I start CBT. I am now half way through and although I have some better days now, I am finding it hard to break the cycle.

As it happens,the doctors did find a genuine problem with me.......hashimotos thydoiditis - or basically an auto immune form of hypothyroidism. Which also has the symptoms of anxiety and depression. My therapist (who, incidentally, used to be a GP herself) said that its possible that my health anxiety has been totally exacerbated by the thyroid trouble and may well lessen once I get under control on my medication.

The problem with this, however, is that now every twinge or pain I feel has me panicking whether I should dismiss it as related to the HA, or is it something significant that I should be seeking help with.

Im utterly crushed, consumed and destroyed by anxiety at the moment. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life as I should be focussing on what might be wrong with me.

It's felt quite cathartic writing this down - would be nice to chat to others in the same situation for some support and

Did you have HA before your DD's birth Eddie?

Mine has worsened since I've had my DSs. I worry about myself but also them. I'm trying really hard to develop a 'meh' approach to illness around them so they don't pick up on my anxiety but it is really hard. Two weeks ago I was convinced I had a brain tumour. This week the anxiety is bearable and I can see the tension I felt was anxiety caused - not much else.

Physical and mental wellness are so linked, aren't they? I suffer from migraine and I find myself very low after having one. I feel better physically but my mood is very hard to lift. It will be good to hear how your Thyroid treatment affects your anxiety.

Even when things are good I can't shake the feeling of a big dark time just over the horizon. Like, things are good now but might not be tonight, or tomorrow, or next week... My NY resolution was to live in the moment more and to MN less ha ha ha.

So in the spirit of that NY resolution (not the MN part) tonight I'm going to... have a nice bath, read my book and enjoy them right then. And not think about the imaginary health crisis looming ahead!

Anyone else doing something good?

Can I join?
I definitely suffer from HA. My mum died suddenly and my son was seriously ill and I was acused of being an anxious mother before they finally tested him, he nearly died and I torture myself with what would have happened had I not convinced his doctors to investigate him. He is in and out
Of hospital and has had some dubious care which doesn't help.
I am also a HP which makes my HA so much worse in that I know what are
'red flag' symptoms and I see so much serious illness in my job that got missed for a long time.
In the past few years I've had 'breast cancer, vulval cancer, ectopic pregnancy and brain tumour'. I too lurch from one thing to another. I am currently worried about ovarian cancer - I am burping, bloated, nauseous,low back pain and had an episode of intermenstrual bleeding last month.
I am telling myself it is all HA but on paper it sounds like ovarian ca- but it always bloody does!
I am very level headed and objective at work but my HA does seem to be getting worse.
Anyway it would be good to join in here for some moral support.

My mum and dad both had cancer that was missed for a long time. Only when my mum changed GP (because I was beginning to freak out) did hers get picked up. She made it but only just. My dad wasn't so lucky .

I think that an innate propensity to worry combined with unlucky life experience is rather a recipe for HA.

MissBetsy you are so right, but where do we draw the line with the constant tests/Gp visits?
My symptoms are all so genuine and if I had a patient present with them would refer without question for tests. So far i have not had any of the things Ive been convinced I've had.
However, when I ignore my symptoms I have this nagging wordy that what if this time I have something wrong and it will be my own fault if it's too late! Madness !

Well if you're mad then so am I!

Have you ever had any therapy knackeredmother? Mine gave me a few good 'balancing' tools for those moments where I think that I am definitely dying and need to see a doctor. And when I'm imagining that moment where I point my finger at everyone who said it was just a cold/tummy ache/headache and say 'See! I told you so! I was right and you were all wrong!'

Ha ha! I have those moments too!
No therapy as it's quite tricky in my job to admit to these things. I do need to get it under control though. However, I feel so nauseous at the moment I've had to come to bed so that sets me thinking there must be more going on (I.e my current worry of ovarian ca) than anxiety.
My Gp thinks I'm a mentalist so I keep putting off going and just keep worrying.
I probably should be getting the intermenstrual bleeding checked out however.

Ovarian cancer is one of my chestnuts too. The symptoms are very vague, there are lots of them so lots of possibilities for worry. It sounds as though I enjoy worry when I say this - something DH has accused me of in the past! It's not enjoyable at all, but very compulsive and habit forming behaviour.

I'm sorry to hear your job makes it hard for you to access therapy. Mine has been a real bonus and the only way I feel that I'm going to learn how to cope with the behaviour and beliefs HA has formed in me in the long term. I'm assuming you work for the NHS - would private therapy be an option at all?

MissBetsy, I didn't really have HA before having my daughter although have always been a worrier and anxious by nature.

Funnily enough, last night I was convinced I had brain issues too - had a really dizzy spell which the doc today suggested was related to the thyroid trouble and also labyrinthitis. She explicitly told me that she wasn't worried about my symptoms - but as I walked home I started wondering if I would become the story in the paper about the GP who dismissed a patient with "just a virus" when really it was a brain tumour or something equally sinister.

I'm just so tired of lurching from one panic to another......but I too feel like life is good right now, and if I'm ill then we'll lose everything etc etc.

I had a counselling session today - I explained how sometimes I'm just so scared to be in my own skin.....and then immediately feel ridiculous as there are so many people out there worse off health-wise than I am. I asked my counsellor what "label" she'd applied to me (as I needed to know what the professionals thought) and she said its definately Health Anxiety. I'm happy to take that anxiety and apply it to almost anything else though, not just health matters.

I'm fed up of feeling ill though - whether its from the anxiety, the thyroid or whatever.......every little twinge is something sinister and its a miserable place to be.

So nice to talk to others who understand though

Another sufferer here. I have pretty much gotten a handle on it and only really suffer in the winter - maybe SAD? I never took medication as I knew the symptoms that the pills gave from side effects would worry me too much. I did see a counsellor which helped get mys thoughts in order (I didn't do cbt).

What I did do was stop seeking reassurance from all sources (it was hard but worth it). Then I looked at my life and where I was stressed/unhappy/bored and I made it my mission to change it. I was unhappy where I lived so I moved (took a while to sort of course), I was fat so lost weight, I had a rubbish social life so I connected with friends again and organised lots of nights out, I had some relationship issues so worked at those with DH.

Focussing my mind elsewhere, getting healthy and getting happy gave me a focus away from my own body and stopped me over thinking things so much. Seeking reassurance and sitting there worrying about this symptom and that symptom just makes it worse. The more you think about it the more you will worry. So STOP!

It sounds hard but actually it is not. Exercise helped a lot for lifting the low feeling. Plus I started running which was a challenge to see how far I could run.

This illness can be life long so you need to make the decision that it will not beat you. Your mind is creating these things so your mind can defeat them.

Good advice Angryfeet

I think I may be another sufferer. My problem though is that I daren't go to the GP through absolute fear of what they might tell me.

I'm currently having some problems (which I think are real but who knows!) but have been there for about 5/6 weeks. A pain in my right side (kidney area) which becomes really uncomfortable at night when I'm laying down and more recently a tight chest (with an uncomfortable ache type feeling). Of course I'm thinking it must be cancer that has spread. I know logically it's more likely to be something like a kidney infection and maybe a chest infection. I also know that it'll probably put my mind at rest if I just go to the doctors and the longer I leave it the worse it'll probably be if it needs treating. But I really daren't go in case it turns out to be serious. I couldn't cope with the worry :(

It's making me really miserable. I just can't bring myself to pick up the phone to make that appointment.

Mine started when my brother died from pneumonia last year (with a story behind it which I won't tell because of scaring some).

I'm also a health anxiety sufferer - it is dreadful. Have had a massive flare up since having ds2 - mine is very much focussed on having cancer this time - and leukaemia in particular. I analyse every bruise on my body (we are moving house and I have 2 small ds's so I have a lot!) and I convince myself that this is it. Every mornings wake up and think today is the day where I'm going to find that one extra symptom that means the doctor thinks there's something seriously wrong. I really identify with the cycle of reassurance too - its so fleeting after a GP trip - she has told me there's nothing wrong with me, but a day later I've found a new symptom and that's it. I have been put on escitalopram and that's helped tremendously, and I'm doing some cbt toowhich has helped. The diffence with this flare is that I've finally admitted what I have - and have been telling people rather than being scared of admitting it because people would think less of me. Was so hard to do the first time,but people have been really supportive, and I am determined that I will beat it.

Eralc - you're right, the reassurance is so fleeting after a GP visit. I'm certain my GP's heart must sink when she realises that its me again at the surgery.

I too am able to admit what is wrong ie the HA, but it doesn't stop the constant cycle of worry. I have labyrinthitis (after being at the GP yesterday) and am so dizzy today, but of course I am convinced that the GP was wrong and I have something nasty, or that this dizziness will never go away etc etc.

I would love to be as determined as you to beat it, but right now I'm in its grip and can't get out

The worry is so hard to deal with, isn't it Eddie? I admit, I was totally locked in with it until about a month ago, and the only thing that has enabled me to break the cycle are the antidepressants - I have avoided taking them for about 10 years as I was determined I didnt want to go there and that they would add another level of worry etc, but once my dose was right they made a huge difference - the worry hasn't gone and I still have some bad days, but it's much less overwhelming and the constant monologue about symptoms and what they might be and what awful thing the doctor missed and what I would do with the boys if I died etc has calmed down and become much more of a background thing. I know my meds are not a long term solution, but they really have given me a break. Are you on any at the moment? If not, have you considered it?
The antidepressants have also given me the boost I needed to get out and do stuff - the distraction is essential for me, but I find it almost impossible to do things when I'm trapped in the downward spiral.
I find talking to the GP fine, but worry that the receptionists are laughing at me or thinking what on earth is she here for - at one point I was there weekly (which was when I decided that I had to go on the meds).

How did you cope with the period of adjustment Eralc?

That's what I'm really afraid of; feeling awful and unable to cope and being alone with the DCs. DH is great when he's here but he goes away for work a lot and while a few of my friends know they've got their own problems to deal with. I also got dumped by a friend after explaining my MH difficulties and it totally put me off telling anyone else. I used to pick her kids up from school with mine and they'd play until she got back from work; the week after I told her... what a coincidence! She'd made other arrangements for them and hasn't asked us over to hers since.

MissBetsy, that's dreadful about your friend....I haven't told anyone about this bar my DH as there's still a social stigma about MH issues.

Eralc, that's where I am trapped at the moment, that constant monologue about symptoms, fear, what the doc has missed and what we would do if I was seriously ill etc. My poor DH must be sick of me right now. I'm almost at the stage of seeing the GP weekly.......besides seeing her for my thyroid meds etc I'm there all the time with other worries. I also stress about the receptionists and what they must think of me....not helped by the fact that I know one from the nursery run and I'm sure her and her catty clique must talk about me.....

I had had enough last night.....so took off to bed with the laptop and iplayer and watched the first episode of Birdsong. I still found I would periodically say to my DH that I was worried about my health.

I've got to break this, just don't know how.

I had one week that was really hard work - I have a very supportive GP and saw her several times early on - she would have happily seen me every day if I needed it. Other than that it was just a matter of survival for the week - I have two small ds's and I just made things as easy as possible by not attempting to cook anything major, relying on the tv to entertain more than I should have done really, and just taking it very very easy on myself. After the first week, things started to improve slowly, although not as well as the doc wanted, so I went up a dose - which very rapidly worked, without a huge increase in side effects. That first week was not pleasant, but the weeks that have followed have been such an improvement - as I say it's no magic cure, but it has taken the edge off.

I also joined it really helpful to talk to a relative who had also taken them - they helped to talk me through the side effects I was getting, and also to see that the unpleasantness in the short term was worth it.

How awful of your friend to react like that. There's such a lot of ignorance around about mental health issues and it makes me angry that people wold be supportive of you had broken your arm or had tonsillitis but treat mental health problems as something shameful.

Gosh I seem to have started quite something! It is horrible that so many are suffering from these problems but reassuring to recognise that I am very far from being alone. I would agree with Eralc when she says that it is "dreadful", I think people who only experience "normal" levels of worry have not idea how dreadful HA can be.

Like others here, my HA started to really kick in only after I had DS. I had a scary pregnancy as I had had three previous miscarriages so was terribly anxious all the time, just waiting for that spot of blood each day...When he was born he was very small (1.9kg or 4lb 6oz) and that was frightening, I could not believe I was now responsible for this minute little scrap who looked so fragile. The night he was born he stopped breathing and went floppy for a monent while I was holding him and that was awful (they just put him on some oxygen and he was fine but it was really heartstopping to me). So I think things went from there...the constant worrying about what will go wrong...

Yes I think my DH , who is very supportive, is sick of my constant symptoms too. I am a mental heath professional myself and feel I should "know better" than to let this get the better of me, but that logic just does not stop the ruminations.

Angsty, I could have written your post above. I had a traumatic pregnancy with my DD.....funnily enough anxiety was at the root of a lot of it. I was very ill all throughout and was considered high risk all the way through.....ended up with an induction due to PE and a very sick baby. My DD was 6lbs exactly, just a scrap too, and had a hole in her heart, brain swelling, suspected meningitis, confirmed septicemia and like your DS, she stopped breathing twice; once when I was feeding her and again in the NICU. She spent a long time in neonatal, I spent a long time in hospital due to the PE not resolving and was confined to my bed because of the risk of having a stroke. I had to fight tooth and nail to get to be with DD.

And so, its just grown from there. I should know better too; whilst I'm not a HCP, I am sensible and have common sense too - so why am I beaten by this?

It doesn't help right now that I am actually ill - albeit with something that feels unpleasant but doesn't endanger my life. But I'm always wondering what if the GP is wrong.....

Yes, you have started something here Angsty - don't know about you but I'm finding it relieving to share and to just write it all down instead of off loading to my DH and listening to him either sigh with frustration or reassure me endlessly which is just making it worse....

Eddie, you are right it is good to share. We have our own little therapy group!
It is funny how most of us have had a traumatic medical experience seemingly underpinning our HA isn't it.

Can Ii join too. I have terrible HA.. Was always a worrier even as a child when CJD first was talked about i was sure I had it and I was only about 11 ish .

The last year has been really bad my close friend passed away aged 30 with bowl cancer and since then I have daily thought I have cancer . I seemed to have symptoms all the time and go to GP way too much.

I also think my eyes look abit yellow and thought I had liver problems.. Dr took one look and said they were fine but I don't believe her.

2 Weeks ago I had a inflammed lymph node in my groin. That was it I was sure cancer had spread.. But Dr said its just an infection.

I have worked in the medical sector and know of all the things that go wrong, so I am always thinking that they have missed something with me.

I would have a full MRI private if I could afford it.. I worry about the amount of dental x-rays I have had ( machine broke and they took 4 in a row) plus others in my life so I think in a few years time I'm sure I'm getting mouth cancer..

I feel my life is rather shit as I'm waiting to die and I feel sorry for DH.

God sorry about all that I speak to no one in RL about this so its good to let it out