When do I stop feeling like this?

[viagrafalls]

Strung out, tearful, liable to fly into a rage at objects/people at the drop of a hat, ashamed of my body, disgusted with the way I look and exhausted all the time. DD is 4 months old.

Do you have anyone to help you? Husband? Mum?

It's hard to get a break when you have a small baby, but even an hour or two for a shower and a bit of personal grooming can work wonders.

Or do you feel it's something more than that? Are you seeing health visitors, etc?

I don't know - I have a wonderful DP who helps me as much as he can - he works away often. I think the main difficulty is that I have always had problems getting off to sleep, it takes me up to 4/5 hours some evenings and this means I can never nap during the day and sometime I am just dropping off when DD wakes for her night feed. I feel so tired all the time. I went to the Dr as a friend suggested PND but I had slept that night so consequently wasn't feeling so bad. She said that I need to feel bad every day for it to be PND and when i've managed to get some rest I dont feel so bad. We are now FF DD so I've had the occasional block of sleep which is amazing but within a few hous its back to 'normal'...With regards to my body, i hate it. I started off BF which went wrong quite quickly but I was so hungry all the time and I put on weight instead of losing it when I BF. I am starting a diet in a week. I am 'only' about 2 stone oer my normal weight but have suffered in the past with eating disorders. I am so ashamed of my body. i know its been through an amazing experience and I'm proud of that but hate the way it looks now.

I found it got better when the baby starts sleeping through the night because for me the sleep deprivation made everything seem just impossible at times. If you think its PND there are various avenues available to get proper help.

You are not alone in these feelings and I think it helps to realise this as well.

Poor you! Didn't know you had to feel awful all the time for it to be PND. Really (looking around for knowledgable person). It does sound that the pregnancy, hormones and lack of sleep are all combining to exacerbate an existing feeling.
I would not diet. You will probably end up feeling more knackered and shite. Do try and eat more healthy/energy giving foods that slow release energy. Can you get out for a walk? Will help if you do this mild exercise. Not in the storms though.
4 months may seem a lifetime but Is only a few weeks. Look after yourself and seek help if you need it pls. Take care.

cross posted with you there sorry. sleep deprivation is a form of mental torture, dont underestimate it. But it does get better. I hate my body too, but look, its only been 4 months since the birth, you have plenty time to deal with that once your life returns to some kind of normal pattern. The baby has turned your world upside down. Give yourself a chance to adjust, you are being awful hard on yourself.