Birth Trauma PTSD Support Thread

[Iamjustthemilkmachine]

Hello, please point me i the right direction if there is already one of these, but if not I'd like to start it.
My ds was born almost 9 months ago, and finally two weeks ago I was diagnosed with ptsd and will start CBT soon. I have received lots and lots of support from mners in this time and know there are other people in here suffering in the same way, so why not get together and share/moan/celebrate/support etc?
Being diagnosed has helped a lot, even if the assesments have been gruelling, mainly by validating my feelings, regardless of what my experience may seem to others, and by making me feel a little bit less guilty at feelling low, down or sad.
Because ptsd happens because of your own perception of the events I have not included my story here, and still find difficult to write or talk about it, but if it helps you, share as much or as little as you want.

MrsB24, so sorry it's taken me so long to reply to your last questions, and this thread has been really quiet, which is good I suppose? how is your sleep going? how awful that you have to go back to the same hospital, and seeing the mw, gosh, that would do it!

I am about to finish my CBT, three more sessions and we are done, it started making a difference about half way through (8 weeks?) although we had so many breaks with christmas, etc in the middle that it's not a reflection of the time. I started in October.

I managed to watch a OBEM last week, the last one of these series. The births were so easy and so far removed from what i experienced (or even from what I had planned) that I didn't actually feel anything. They both had epidurals really early on and pushed without problems, incredible, it really hammered home the fact that things were not right for us, and probably wouldn't have been no matter what, given that I was doing the things that are considered much better for a good labour... so it was a positive experience. Would not be able to watch one where things are not like that, but have to, how awful...

timeto how are you?

Hi everyone, I just wanted to say that I have ptsd and EMDR has made such a difference to me.

I had a complete horror about returning to the hospital for just an average postnatal MW appt. I just wanted to run away when other mothers were chatting about labour, newborns etc. ONE session, which was similar to what madmouse desrcibed on page 1 of this thread, except I listen to tones on headphones rather than the eye thing - I was very skeptical but the next day I had a totally normal chat about ds birth with another woman. It has really helped with a lot of other stuff too.

I get it on the NHS, please do ask your gps if it is a possibility.

Hi ladies.

k2 amazing you, being able to watch obem. Very very impressed.

MrsB hows the sleeping doing atm?

I've been not great, tbh. It was ds's birthday 3 weeks ago and I really rally struggled with it. Didn't have any panic attacks/flashbacks etc like before I had treatment but just felt overwhelming sad and just seemed to not be able to stop myself going over and over and over things in my head.
Seem to have just about come out the other side now. Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Hi showmethepony, so glad the treatment worked for you, it seems such an amazing thing when it does!

timeto so sorry you are having a hard time, don't really know what to say, you have it really tough I think, do look after yourself. Do you work? how are things in general?

mrsb24 yes drugs can be great! do you feel bad using them? if you do please don't! don't know what gave me that impression, sorry if not an issue. Sorry if you've said before, but is your ds afected by the birth? or are these checks routine? hope by the time the next one comes along you don't mind bumping into anyone.

I do have to watch more episodes, and not all will be such a breeze, and tbh I have been putting it off... Just finished my re-script tonight ready for tomorrow's session. It's basically going over the birth story but writting it with the benefit of hindsight, so reviewing the trauma with all the info that I have now, really hard, but I am really amazed at how much things have changed.

I had something very similar to emdr - I was really sceptical but it really did cure my symptoms. No flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, agorophobia since I had the treatment. I would totally recommend it.

For me though, I think I just have this underlying sadness about the whole thing that probably some sort of 'talking therapy' might help but I just don't think I can bring myself to do it tbh. The idea of going over it all and talking about it is what stopped me getting help for almost 2.5 years and led to me suffering all those things and not even bonding with my son.

k2 - I do work. I'm a teacher and started back fulltime last August. I did part time for a year before that but was at home with ds til he was almost 2yrs6months. I actually pulled my first ever sicky a couple of weeks ago. The idea of going to work and just having to deal with life got too much and I stayed at home and watched crap tv all day.
Hope your session today went ok.

MrsB - hope the nightmares aren't too bad :( I remember it only too well. It was only after I had treatment that I realised how much of a difference proper sleep is.

I am def coming out of the other side and we are starting to talk about the whole 'having another baby' thing in a more positive light. Part of me worries that I'm just trying to put right what wasn't right with ds, if that makes sense. Ach, we'll see.

I, too, come and check in often, so maybe I'll post more often too ;)

Hi all. I haven't posted in ages but wanted to check in and say 'hi' and that like others, I've checked back to see how people are without posting. Thinking of everyone and hope things start to improve for everyone.
I started my counselling last month, but only had 3 sessions. It hasn't been that great but I don't seem to click with the counsellor. Having said that, some bits have been good and we're doing stuff on visualisation. So, when I think back to DD's birth I'm changing what I see in my head and repeating positive things about the experience. The hope is that it will change the picture in my head and I can't remember the experience as a positive one.

Wishing everyone well x

Hi lovelychops :) Glad to hear that there have been some good bits to your counselling and I hope it keeps improving for you.

And a hello to the rest of you - I said I'd pop in more often :)

Hi everyone.

Lovelychops how are things with the counselling now? Hope it improved although not clicking with the counsellor makes things trickier I think.

Timeto, glad you both are talking positively about another baby, I get what you mean about putting things right, we don't want another baby but since having ds I have this nag in my body that makes me try again, try harder, try to do it right, but for us that isn't a good enough reason; but If you two want another child for their own sake and on the side it can help rest your daemons then what a wonderful thing for a baby to bring their parents.

We are having a really difficult time, dh has an illness and his medication has stopped working so he is always tired an in pain, ds is going through some kind of developmental grumpy/clingy/frustrated time and I am working more hours, so we are all exhausted. This doesn't help with my negative thinking and have got myself in quite a state these past few days
On the other hand, this Tuesday is my last Cbt session

Wow something exciting and I missed it!

me too, k2! How are things with you? How is your dh? Did you finish your cbt?

Well, we're definitely ttc! I'm a bit scared but we're going to give it a go for 6 months and see what happens. If nothing happens in the next 6 months, then we're happy to accept that we're meant to be a 3some not a 4. And I'm ok which ever it is. We're lucky to have our little family and if it's meant to be, then it will happen and if not, well then that's what's meant for us. Of course, actually being pg is very a bit scary but we'll cross that bridge if and when we come to it.

Hope everyone is doing ok x

Congratulations on your decision timeto!! Hope you enjoy the process at least .
I'll update soon but can't do it right now, need to sleep!