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Mental health

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Original poster

feeling very emotional and helpless....please talk to me

54 replies

m1sspiggy · 06/01/2006 14:18

where do i begin? I am feeling very low. my self esteem has hit the floor since having dd as i have put on several stones due to comfort eating and on top of that i have an underactive thyroid which slows my metabolism down. This also leaves me feeling very tired and achy all the time.
Ever since i had dd i have always had this feeling at the back of my head that i'd made a mistake in having a baby (she was planned). My life (like everyones) has turned upside down. I don't ever blame my dd for this and i do love her with all my heart. I feel that this is my own fault and now i have to live with it.
will these feelings ever go away as things get easier - she is 9 months old.
i find i can't cope when she whines for something or just isn't in a good mood. Only last night i had read that you shouldn't react to this behaviour but then at lunch time today she refused to eat her food and moaned the whole time - even with fruit which she loves. i think i over reacted and didn't respond to her sweet cooings and babbles as she played happily in her high chair afterwards and i tidied up.
The scariest thing that is bothering me is the idea of giving this all up. I could never walk away from my dh (who is a wonderful,helpful and loving dh) and i wouldn't do that to my dd either. i couldn't live with myself for ever walking out on them and i couldn't leave them any other way. My mum has tried to od 3 times and i am still so angry with her for doing this that i know i couldn't put my dd through what i been through. But what if i get so low and feel so desperate that i even think of this? i can understand why my mum did it and only now know how low someone must feel to do it but i am cross that she actually would do that try and leave us.
Someone please help. i want this all to end and feel normal and happy again.

OP posts:

beejay · 06/01/2006 14:19

It sounds like you might have post-natal depression. It's very common and can be overcome. Speak to your GP or health visitor

beejay · 06/01/2006 14:20

Sorry I didn't mean that to sound flippant at all-good luck xxx

WigWamBam · 06/01/2006 14:20

Are you taking thyroxine for your underactive thyroid, and has the dose been adjusted properly? Underactive thyroid can cause the symptoms of depression - feeling low, irritability, mood swings, over-reacting to things.

Otherwise, I think it would be a good idea to have a chat with the GP about how you're feeling in case you have PND - which can come on at any time after a baby is born. There is help out there for PND if that's what you've got.

colditz · 06/01/2006 14:21

have you been to the doctors recently? Sounds like you have a touch of PND to me (am not an expert), and you will need some practical help, like antidepressents and/or councelling

Stargazer · 06/01/2006 14:26

Hi Misspiggy - first of all I want to send you a big cyber hug {{{{{u}}}}}}. It sounds like you might have post natal depression. I think you should chat to your GP and/or HV - they are both there to help and support you. Perhaps you can go out and join a mother and baby club, or just go out for a walk everyday - I got to know my local shopkeepers really well when I first had my DD.

If it is PND you might be offered antidepressants - I've taken them - and they worked for me. Other people will have lots of other suggestions to help - it's a very helpful place here.

Take care of yourself. You will feel better, but it's going to take time. I hope this helps a bit.

going4potty · 06/01/2006 14:28

Hi piggy, The others are right go to your gp and get some professional advice, i had mild pnd and felt so guilty about feeling like id made a mistake having ds, so your not alone. Its very common, and can be tackled in a variety of ways. Just keep talking to dh too and if you have any close friends try and confide in them, it may help to have people around who know what you are going through and may be able to help. Good luck

Original poster

m1sspiggy · 06/01/2006 14:30

wwb - yes i'm on thyroxine but only since sept. I'm still going for monthly blood checks to get the levels right.

With regards to pnd - can you have it so late after birth (9 months). I think i would feel like a failure or someone weak in front of my dh's family if i had this. My mil is a lovely lady but her and my sil are very strong women and therefore i'd feel weak.I never let on that i am stessed or down etc. I would never tell them about my mum (or dad who was an alcoholic). I think they wouldn't undrestand. I don't think dh could cope either. He's not very good with emotions (gets it from his family) - but is brillant in every other way.

OP posts:

WigWamBam · 06/01/2006 14:32

Yes, you really can have it so late after the birth - in fact, 8 - 9 months afterwards is the most common time.

Why on earth would you feel you were a failure for being ill? Depression is an illness, just like any other, and can be treated just like any other illness. If you had broken your leg you wouldn't be a failure; if you had flu you wouldn't be a failure. This is just a different part of your body that is ill, that's all.

colditz · 06/01/2006 14:35

It is a chemical imbalance. I was no more weak with PND than I was with diarrhoea and vomiting. Both are illnesses, both need treating.

And all those people who snigger and say "Oh dear, I'm sure it's all in your head, why don't you just try?" Can stick that comment up their bum, as it is blindingly obvious they have never had it.

heavenis · 06/01/2006 14:37

I agree with the others. Ring the doctors now and make an appointment. Get the doctor to check your thyroid med again and ask if he can recommend a diet for someone with an underactive throid.
You've taken a great step already by realising you are having difficulty.
Talk to your HV about the eating if you're concerned. Remember a child will never go hungry.
So the next step is to ring the doctor.
Keep posting and good luck.

Original poster

m1sspiggy · 06/01/2006 14:37

wwb- the way you put that was great. also i guess i wouldn't have to tell them either. Now it's just a matter of telling my dh. He knows that i suffer from mood swings and feeling low due to thyroid. but i don't think he realises how bad i really do feel.

By the way, my hv has done some standard tests (questions) to detect pnd and i was always ok - i think i might have cheated a little on some of the questions because again i didn't want to look weak in front of her. I think i just don't want to be like my mum.

OP posts:

WigWamBam · 06/01/2006 14:38

And bear in mind that part of the problem could be caused by the fact that you've only been having your underactive thyroid treated for three months - you might find it makes a world of difference once you get your dose of Thyroxine sorted out. Underactive thyroid is often mistaken for PND, the symptoms are so similar.

Please go and have a chat with your GP. There is nothing to be ashamed of in needing help, and in fact it takes a strong woman to recognise that there is a problem and to seek help for it.

WigWamBam · 06/01/2006 14:39

OK - so see the HV and ask to do the test again, but this time don't cheat. They're there to help you, but you have to let them.

Original poster

m1sspiggy · 06/01/2006 14:42

By the way, i persomnally do not think that anyone wiht pnd is weak or is a failure etc. It is something that i feel others feel. I think anyone who can admit their problems and face them are brave and true to themselves. I think i live a life and act in a way that i feel others would like. Like i said, i don't want others to find out the true me that feels low and depressed.

OP posts:

beejay · 06/01/2006 14:43

You could always tell your husband's family you have depression brought on by the thyroid problems. Not that PND is anything to be ashamed of but sometimes an easy life is called for!
Also do you have any other mothers nearby you can meet up with? Feeling isolated exacerbates everything. You could try the MAMA, the meet a mum association which puts lonely/depressed or just generally isolated mothers in touch with each other. I met a really nice lady that way

WigWamBam · 06/01/2006 14:45

You don't have to tell them. The only RL person who knows about my PND is my dh - I've had it for over 4 years, and I have kept it hidden from everyone else. It's been better for me that way, although I dare say I have missed out on a lot of support from family and friends - but I have had huge amounts of help and support from MNers.

If you don't feel you could tell them then don't - and don't beat yourself up about your decision either. It would be helpful if you could talk to your dh about it, though.

heavenis · 06/01/2006 14:59

Would you talk about it to your dh. Other people don't need to know anything you don't want them too.

Original poster

m1sspiggy · 06/01/2006 15:24

Dear all

After a good cry and reading all your wonderful advice i am feeling a little more positive. I shall try and pluck up the courage to talk to dh tonight or this weekend and go and see the hv or doc (just need to decide who i'd feel more comfortable with initially).

Thank you all for your time, understanding and words of encouragment. I think we could all do with that sometimes and it seems we don't get it enough.

If you don't mind, i shall write later to let you know how things go.

OP posts:

beejay · 06/01/2006 15:32

It would be lovely to hear how you get on. Good luck with DH-- am sure he will be understanding. Keep explaining it's a chemical imbalance and no reflection on him, your dd, or your material circumstances. Good luck

Original poster

m1sspiggy · 08/01/2006 20:10

I have tried to approach the subject with dh several times but i can't think of the first words to say. I thought at one point of just printing off some info about pnd and handing it to him and saying 'i think i might have this'. The hardest part is that it will be coming out the blue for him. As much as he knows i have mood swings and feel low because of the underactive thyroid, i don't think he would ever think that i could possibly be depressed because i tink i hide it well. I'm also scared that he might find this hard to handle or think less of me some how.

I even thought of just goin g to docs and not telling him. But I can't do it, it would be too big a secret to keep from him.

Oh what shall i do??????? I really want to discuss this with him. I am desperate now.

OP posts:

Original poster

m1sspiggy · 08/01/2006 21:03

OP posts:

mummytosteven · 08/01/2006 21:09

Would you feel comfortable with showing your DH this thread? Or writing it down. I think you know that you want to tell him, but are struggling with how to. What about saying that you still feel down even after being on the thyroxine, and you don't honestly know if they need to change your dose, or whether it is something else wrong?

mummyhill · 08/01/2006 21:42

I have an underactive thyroid too and am suffereing from pnd. Please CAT me if you want to chat. It can take a long time to get your thyroxine dosage correct, but once it is right you feel like a new person. I hope your gp is good and will get your levels nailed soon. I have been on thyroxine for 10yrs now and have to have my dosage adjusted at least once a year atm. With DD the PND kicked in at 8 months. With DS it kicked in within weeks. Please go back and see the HV as WWB suggests as they are there to help.

heavenis · 09/01/2006 07:16

Could start by saying "I've been thinking about my mood swings and I'm going to see the doctor, because if is getting to me." Or something along those lines.
Or you've been looking on mumsnet and some one was talking about pnd and you think you might have it, and are going to check it out.
It is the hardest thing to let someone close, but it's even harder to keep it from them.
Good luck.

heavenis · 10/01/2006 09:24

m1piggy how are you today ?

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