Am I expecting too much from DH?

[reastie]

After 2 or so months of having most pnd symptoms but thinking I was fine/it would pass/ I was making a fuss over nothing I finally managed to confide in dh how I was feeling. He supported me in making a gp apt and was sympathetic and tried his best to be super nice/ask how I was feeling for a few days. The GP prescribed me seroxat, asked me to ring my hv for a home visit and make a gp follow up apt.

DH asked me how the apt went on the day but since hasn't mentioned anything and has just been normal as if I'm fine. He knows I haven't yet taken any seroxat, he has no idea if I've rung my hv yet or if she's visited (I haven't) and everything is just as per usual.

AIBU to expect or hope dh would ask about this and see how I am or is this just a man thing?

I don't know your DH's personality but it might be that he doesn't know what to say, how to approach the subject, or it might be as you say that he's just dealing with the subject in a stereotypical male way (not of course to say that all men do that!).

Is it worth talking to him about it and how you feel about how he's been? I think that is best than just worrying about his actions and behaviour. He might just be a bit nervous about how to be with you, especially if you 'appear' to be coping ok and not manifestly 'unwell' in any way.

yeah becky these things in our relationship usually follow a pattern - I get more and more upset but don't show it until I get to breaking point and tell him when it seems a big thing to me, he listens and if he can't actively do anything to help he just ignores it . I just feel a bit like he doesn't care

I am wondering why you haven't taken the seroxat reastie, or phoned the HV. You really do need to take the meds and contact your HV. I think the majority of people simply don't understand mental illness and your DH is probably one of them. Have you been acting like there is nothing wrong and maybe this is why your DH isn't asking about you. I also think there are many men who just are not capable of understanding our emotional needs. Their psychology is so very different from ours, we could be a different species.

I'm sure he does care about you, he is just acting like a male!!

I've been acting pretty normal nana I think, maybe more obviously down to him but I hide my emotions pretty well. I haven't taken the seroxat as I'm scared to for various reasons - scared of the side effects, that I'm bfing dd and they don't really know for sure if it's safe for her in the long term and also I took it in the past and it made no difference to me. I haven't rung the hv as I think I'm still in denial

Restie I totally understand your worries. If I were you I'd contact the HV in the very least and talk through any concerns you have about the ADs. My HV put me on a 'transition into motherhood' course (and this was after my third baby) which was really, really fantastic as I met other mums in the same position as me and we learnt some techniques for dealing with PND. Perhaps your HV might be able to recommend something similar? It's just a thought. It's just that you don't know what's around to help until you ask. I completely understand your fears about the ADs but I do think it would be wise to talk to someone who has some experience such as a HV. I also do urge you to have a chat with your DH.