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Original poster

Don't feel like I can go on anymore:(

60 replies

musicmummy · 18/12/2005 22:30

I have changed my name for this, I am a reg poster.

I haven't felt particularly good since my son was born 1 year ago, but I feel that I am just getting lower and lower by the day. I was traeted for PND in July, but was fobbed of with ADs which just gave me insomnia and haven't lifted my mood at all. Things are getting really bad at the moment, as my DP has just as good as said that he finds me unattractive ( as I have put on alot of weight since having DS, as I comfort eat alot) and I really feel snubbed by all of my friends

Things came to a head on Friday, when it was DS's birthday. It was the first thing in ages that I had actually looked forward to, and I felt that I was turning a bit of a corner. However, we held a bit of a party for DS, nothing special, but we had invited a few people round for a drink etc. Not one of my so called friends turned up, and DP and I sat like a couple of lemons- Not even one of them rang to say why. it just made me feel even more of a worthless blimp. I really hate myself. I can't go on like this.

OP posts:
bramblina · 18/12/2005 22:35

Oh no don't be sad please just talk to a doctor, or is your health visitor any good? Your relatives? I'm so sad for you and don't know what to say.

foundintransleightion · 18/12/2005 22:37

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. It sounds like you're aware your PND wasn't really sorted - knowing that it's PND might help you to be able to counter some of these thoughts of self-hate and worthlessness - can you say to yourself 'I'm not worthless, this is my PND talking'?
Can you go back to your GP, ask for counselling? I don't know much about ADs but maybe a different type might be better for you.
What did your dp say exactly?
Are your friends (mostly) childless? They may not understand how much changes with a baby. If so, can you go to any m&t groups or similar, to meet people in your situation? Whatever, it was VERY rude of your friends not to come to the party.

longwaytogo · 18/12/2005 22:37

Oh hun i dont know what to say to make you feel better. But please talk to gp ask to be referred to counsellor. As for your friends i really dont know what to say

Hugs anyway hope someone comes along who can make you feel better soon

Original poster
musicmummy · 18/12/2005 22:39

No, most of my friends have kids. I just sad in the kitchen and cried, as I just feel that I am not part of their lives anymore.

OP posts:
Pudda · 18/12/2005 22:40

Please don't hate yourself, I know how easy it is for someone else to say it. I have been diagnosed with pnd, and feel happier at work where I don't have to be a mom. I have a 6yr old and a boy who was also 1 last fri. I feel a terrible mom at times and can't cope with my kids, dare I say it but I don't want to go home sometimes. It can get better. Do you work or are you a full time mom? My hubby knows nothing about my PND, he doesn't believe in it.

Original poster
musicmummy · 18/12/2005 22:43

I do work. I have a part time job in a pub, and I also teach music. My DP doesnt belive in my PND either. He said once "It's not PND, you are just a miserable cow"

OP posts:
foundintransleightion · 18/12/2005 22:45

This is probably little comfort now, but it's not you, it's them. Either they're not capable of organising their lives well enough to have time to come (or call to cancel), while you are doing really well to have organised a party for your ds despite feeling low. Or they have maybe noticed you withdrawing a bit and do not have the strength or sensitivity to support you. I'm really sorry that you feel abandoned by them right now. Maybe time for some new friends? If you can bear to go out, groups/activities might give you something to focus on and (s**t phrase, I know) 'take your mind off things'.
Do discuss the ADs' side effecs with the doctor who prescribed them and see about getting counselling.

feastofsteven · 18/12/2005 22:46

at your DP. Is he always that unsupportive/critical? I think you should see your GP and your HV (if your HV is any good, she could be a listening supportive ear, given that your DP is so unsupportive about the depression).

foundintransleightion · 18/12/2005 22:46

x posts
Your 'd'p said what?!

From what you've said it seems like he's dragging you down.

Pudda · 18/12/2005 22:46

I get the same response but my hubby is still very loveing and i get support in other ways. Have you any more children? Does your hubby ofer any support at all

Original poster
musicmummy · 18/12/2005 22:49

My DP is very supportive of me, it's just that he thinks I am being self indulgent etc. He is brilliant with DS, and gives me plenty of space etc. I just don't think he really understands how I feel, and he says things like that becuse he thinks they help, which of course they dont. TBH, I can cope with him saying stuff like that. I am far more pissed off with my "friends"

OP posts:
Pudda · 18/12/2005 22:53

I think you need to give the friends the elbow, I have given up on a lot of my friends as you seem to drift apart from them. I don't have a family to speak of but I think you relly need some support with the PND and other things will get better. Try to do things you enjoy more and I promise it WILL get better. I never had AD's just lots of councelling and it has helped.

Original poster
musicmummy · 18/12/2005 22:53

I just feel bad because I know my life could be a lot worse. I have a hea;thy DS, and I have a mostly good relationship with DP, so why do I feel so bloody shitty?

OP posts:
Original poster
musicmummy · 18/12/2005 22:55

One of the friends who didn't come had a poorly DS, but I was a bit miffed that she didn't even ring, and as for the rest of them, I don't think they could be arsed to hang around with a fat spotty minger like me.

OP posts:
foundintransleightion · 18/12/2005 22:55

In hard times we tend to find out who our friends are. Maybe this lot are quite simply not good enough - but there will be others who are.
I have to go to bed now (1hr ahead of UK and due at work at 8 tomorrow), but I'll seek this thread out tomorrow if you want to talk more. Good night - sleep well

Original poster
musicmummy · 18/12/2005 22:55

Thank you FIT x

OP posts:
foundintransleightion · 18/12/2005 22:56

1 last post - musicmummy, take the 'fat spotty minger' back right now!
say to yourself: 'I'm not a minger, this is the depression talking'.
Good night

Pudda · 18/12/2005 22:56

You don't feel shitty your hormones make you feel like this. What have you planned for xmas? Try to do things that make you feel good and when you do have a bad day tomorrow will seem better.

Jasnem · 18/12/2005 22:59

Are you still taking the ADs?

Did you go back to your GP and tell them how you're feeling now? Please do, as ADs are quite hit and miss - what works for one person causes more problems for another, as you've found.

So sorry your "friends " have let you down like this. Ireally feel for you, and send lots of .

Original poster
musicmummy · 18/12/2005 23:00

No, I haven't been back to see the GP. I found it all a bit of a waste of time last time, as the GP i used to see, who was very good, has left, and the others there were a pile of crap, and they can't get you out of the door quick enough.

OP posts:
Jasnem · 18/12/2005 23:02

FIT is right - you are a mum doing her best under pressure, not a "fat, spotty minger".

thecattleareALOHing · 18/12/2005 23:03

musicmummy - obviously it is upsetting that people didn't come, but do NOT take this personally. It is not YOU. Actually, it's mostly the time of year. It's really busy and people get caught up in what they are doing. They honestly are NOT thinking, 'oh, we aren't doing anything but we aren't going to X's party because she's a bit overweight' - honestly, do you really believe that? It's simply not true.
As it happened I went to a party at my unbelievably popular friend's house on Saturday pm and loads of people weren't there who should have been. I suspect they got caught up in other stuff to do with Christmas, assumed their absence wouldn't be missed (did you play down the importance of the party? I bet you did.), and didn't consider for one second that they were one of many and that it would hurt you. People really do, on the whole, go around in their own little bubble.
You do need help with your depression though. The ADs you were given didn't help you, but there are dozens more kinds, and one might well be effective, without causing insomnia. Please go back to your GP. YOu could also ask for counselling and start taking some exercise, eating better (not to get thinner as much as to give you the nutrients your brain needs), start taking fish oils which are good for PND and maybe St John's Wort if you don't want normal ADs. You are absolutely right, you can't go on like this.

Original poster
musicmummy · 18/12/2005 23:04

I am just not looking forward to Christmas at all (which is unusual for me) and all I seem to do these days is cry and eat. I hate myself so much.

OP posts:
Jasnem · 18/12/2005 23:04

Could you change GP? You don't have to give a reason. Or try your HV - they may be abl;e to refer you for counselling?

thecattleareALOHing · 18/12/2005 23:04

The feelings of hopelessness you have - that nothing will help and you will never get better - are SYMPTOMS of your depression, not facts. Please go back to your GP, and this time, really explain how desperate you feel.