Don't feel like I can go on anymore:(

[musicmummy]

I have changed my name for this, I am a reg poster.

I haven't felt particularly good since my son was born 1 year ago, but I feel that I am just getting lower and lower by the day. I was traeted for PND in July, but was fobbed of with ADs which just gave me insomnia and haven't lifted my mood at all. Things are getting really bad at the moment, as my DP has just as good as said that he finds me unattractive ( as I have put on alot of weight since having DS, as I comfort eat alot) and I really feel snubbed by all of my friends

Things came to a head on Friday, when it was DS's birthday. It was the first thing in ages that I had actually looked forward to, and I felt that I was turning a bit of a corner. However, we held a bit of a party for DS, nothing special, but we had invited a few people round for a drink etc. Not one of my so called friends turned up, and DP and I sat like a couple of lemons- Not even one of them rang to say why. it just made me feel even more of a worthless blimp. I really hate myself. I can't go on like this.

forget these friends - what's important is your dp & ds. Concentrate on them. Could you take your ds to a playgroup so you could meet some other people.

please please go back to your doctyor and say in thses words "I am very unhappy. These antidepressants are not working for me. I am still getting no more enjoyment out of life. I cry all the time. Help me to get better."

You should not have to be unhappy. A doctor who ignores these words, no matter how busy, deserves to be struck off. If they won't help you, lodge a complaint and go to casualty at a hospital, tel them the whole story, including about the doctors.

Don't let this go unheard, you deserve help. And it's not your fault your friends were rubbish.

You will get through this, please don't worry too much and PLEASE get some counselling it will help. I know it feels like you will never get better but you need the support and you need to scream from the rooftops how you feel. Your hubby just doesn't know how to help you but as long as he is supportive in other ways it proves he does love you

I think you are right about counselling. I don't really have anyone in RL who I can talk to, which I find the hardest thing of all.

MM, I can really understand how you feel, especially when it comes to friends.

Are these "friends" people you have known for a long time or are they ante-natal/post-nataly friends?
Do you have just one good friend that you know you can rely on?

When you mentioned about feeling better because you were looking forward to your ds's b'day, that really rang true to me.
When I was down after I had my dd, the only thing that would lift my mood was knowing that I had planned to go out or do something. Just knowing that I was getting out the house lifted me totally IYSWIM.

Maybe this could be some help to you also?

I found planning things either on my own, with family or just me and dh was great.
Is there any mum and toddler groups near you that you could go to. That is great way to make some new friends or even a Mumsnet meet-up?

With regards to your dh, would he consider in coming to see your gp/hv with you? It may help him try and understand how you are feeling. Maybe even ask if the HV could come out to the house and sit and talk with you.

Talking can be hard but it will help, I comfort eat a lot but I have started to go to exercise classes twice a week which is the first time in my 32year life. I always hated exercise but started just as a excuse to get away from the house, now I really enjoy it and it does make me feel better as i look better. I am not any thinner just a better shape. Do you think you could try that?

Unfortunatley, I work 4 nights a week, and I don't have anyone to have DS in the day. I looked into gyms/sport plces with creches, but we don't have the sort of money they charge. And as for friends, I think Fruday proved that I don't really have any

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Where do you live?

I live in Somerset

Do you have a local authority gym near you? Some have very cheap creche facilities indeed.
Do you do activities with your ds, like baby gym or local library sessions?

Are you working nights & looking after ds in the day? you must be exhausted.

Have you spoke to these 'friends' to see why no one came? I really feel for you and would love to see you come through the other side. Maybe you could take your little one swimming? I bought a seat that you could swim and push him along in it. Please keep talking and let people know how you are getting on, there ARE people who care.

Agree, you must be very, very tired, which can't help.

Sorry about the gibberish. Was trying to do a link to Mind page on PND as it had useful sources of help.

Don't give up on your friends. Do any of them have any idea how you are feeling? As someone else said, they possibly all thought they wouldn't be missed and would feel bad if they realised what had happened. Don't cut yourself off completely, as this will lead to more isolation and feeling worse.

Agree with the others MM.

Give your friends a call and see where they got to.

You HV should be useful for finding out about gym classes with creches, playgroups and activities.

I work one morning a week too, as well as having insomnia for the past 6 months. I am running on empty, which I know is not helping. Again, I went to the GP about it, and they just sent me off with some sleeping pills, which didn't work anyway, as I ended up feeling drowsy the next day

You work 4 night and one day a week, and look after your DS full time - when do you get the time to even try and sleep?!
No wonder you are struggling.

That the way it has to be though. Needs must and all that.

I've got to go to bed now, but please call your GP in the morning and make another appointment. Don't let them fob you off, but be honest about how you feel. You deserve to get the help you need to get through this, and if you can then tyr to insist on a referral for counselling.

Also - going to bed now but - what is your situation? What did you do to earn money before your ds was born? How did you end up working nights so often? What would happen if you cut down to two nights? You NEED some time off. I would go mad if I had your pressures.

Sleep deprivation could be altering your mood & health. Ask your gp about this.

Thank you for all your lovely messgaes. I think I am goind tpo try and get some sleep. I will phone my GP tomorrow.

how are you today mm?

Not too bad. I feel really knackered though still. I woke DP up last night, and we had a long talk, and he agrees that I should get myself to the doctor, as I can't live with this feeling if utter depair any more. He has also made me promise that if I am feeling bad, I should talk to him ratgher than bearing the burden alone. I tyhink he realises now that this sin't just me feeling sorry for myself.