Trying to help my mum. Its sooooo hard.

[smugtandemfeeder]

I normally live on the childrens special needs board but have ventured out for some advice.

My mum lives alone away from all relatives. She has severe depression and frequent bouts of paranoia. She is not taking her prescribed medication and hasnt for some time. Last week she said she wanted to go into hospital and took advice from ReThink who said the best option was for me to request an assessment for being sectioned. I did this but as she was happy to engage they didnt assess her and put her under the care of a home treatment team.

The home treatment team messed her about by not turning up when they said they would. DM became increasingly anxious and refused to see the home treatment team. She saw a new psych who prescribed new meds but she has not yet taken these.

I got them to agree to a place in hospital voluntarily but she is now unwilling to go.

The people looking after her care have apparently rung her and said "your daughter says you are failing to engage and wants you to be sectioned"

So fucking unhelpful. They have told her about the contents of my letter I sent them. They keep using me as the excuse for all their intervention.

Mum has rung me and been very cross with me. Said it has caused a massive panic attack and set her back and she has been in a terrible state ever since. I cannot cope. I have no idea what to do now.

I have a DS with autism and DH and I are both struggling to cope. I am her nearest relative and all other relatives either dont care or are ill themselves. I cant go and see her as she is too far away.

Would welcome some advice.

Have you contacted social services or your mum's doctor? Both should be able to give you advice and help. Your mum should be assessed under the Mental Health Act. If she doesn't want to go into hospital, there would be a proviso that to stay out of hospital, she needs to take her medication.
Does the home treatment team refer to a care agency? There are care agencies that help in cases like yours with administering medication and providing other care for your mum to help keep her safe in her own home.

There will be someone who can help you. Wishing you all the best x

if she is literally in a terrible state all you can do is reiterate to her she needs to go to hospital. if she tells you she in severe panic mode tell her that you are stopping the conversation to call 999 and that you are sending the paramedics/police round to check on her. or dont tell her - just do it...

if they go and she is in a terrible state they will do whatever is needed to get her help. if she tells them she is fine - well so be it. you did your bit.

i called local police number and police went round to check on my exP couple times - both times he told them he was absolutely fine (they called me back afterwards).

funny that.... either she really is in a terrible state and needs medical help - or she is manipulating you.

either she will agree with you ro she will suddenly tell you she is fine. so take her literally -doesnt matter who may have caused the terrible state -take action absed ion the information available - she has signfiicant diagnosed MH issues and is in her own words in a "terrible state" therefore, seh needs medical help. so call 999 and ahve them go round and assess.

she can take herself to A&E or call 999 or you can do so - or you can call her home care team. leave it to them to decide the best course of action.

you have your own problems and you live far away - you have to rely on profressional services to do their job to help her. call them. and dont feel guilty.

Thank you for the advice.

She is eating small amounts but has been like this for years. Very underweight but no change. She says she is frightened but does go out. She often has panic attacks while out. She says she doesnt want to live but has no plans to kill herself. She is very paranoid.

Its just all so long term. she has been like this forever. I just see that she is getting worse. She has isolated herself miles away from family and now complains she has no friends. She has no one.

But when I get her help she refuses it.

I just feel uncomfortable with her local support team cos they keep telling her they are doing things because of me. They dont need to say this. It undermines their work. They could just say "because you arent taking your meds we need to assess you" Not "because your daughter says she isnt happy you arent taking your meds"