Thank you to all who posted on my deleted thread last night.
It did help in that I was distracted, and I did take the advise of contacting the samaritans and talked via email until I could sleep. I'm still here today and wondering if last night really happened.
I've been on new medication for a while and have been so much better and yesterday was such a dramatic change and I just couldn't deal with it constructively. It looks like I absent mindedlly forgot to take my tablets for three days and I'm hoping that's what led to last night. I am far more positive today and thank you all.
My apologies to any of you who the thread may have upset.