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Original poster

Long Term Anti depressant users .... 12 years for me now and counting

140 replies

kizzie · 25/07/2011 11:29

Hi everyone - this is a semi regular question from me but just wanted to catch up with others.

(Not that Im boring or anything ! Blush)

I was given ad's 12 years ago for PND. Ive never managed to come off them completely since although have had long periods on quite lowish doses. (Equivalent of 10mg and below of something like prozac/citalopram)

Im on a similar dose to that now (although its an older tricyclic) after having a big crash again last year. Things not completely smooth (still some break through anxiety and lows - 'blips') but had some good weeks so hoping that at some stage will back to complete stability again.

IF that happens (fingers crossed) then planning to stay on lowish dose for some time to come as dont want to risk another major dip.

Im also taking fish oils. And really (really this time) trying to do all the relaxation exercises etc.

Anyway I just wondered:

  • how do you feel re. taking long terms ad's
  • are you worried about long term impacts
  • have partic medications worked better longer term than others etc etc
  • anything really, just interested to hear from others in same position. I just cant quite believe that at 29 I had no previous mental health issues. Now at 41 Ive been on ad's for soooo long.
OP posts:
Toffeefudgecake · 04/08/2011 04:33

Kick - Ads help with obsessive tendencies, which you are describing when you say you couldn't sleep or think about other things. My son has OCD and is being treated with Prozac and his 'habits', as he calls them, are getting easier to deal with. I'm not sure whether this tendency is part of the depression - I would think it was a separate thing - but I may be wrong.

Doctors rate depression by how much it affects your life. Maybe you were mildly depressed sometimes, but were able to cope with this, then the specific incident tipped you into a more severe depression. I knew I was depressed because everything felt wrong and I was in tears most days. Nothing gave me any pleasure and I avoided social contact, except with my closest friends (and I am normally quite a sociable, chatty person).

There's a link to an NHS page on symptoms of depression here.

Toffeefudgecake · 04/08/2011 04:37

Orange - your early morning walks sound lovely! What a good way to start the day. And it's great that you've had some good news. Re: your hormones. Get them checked, because then at least you know what you're dealing with.

kickassangel · 04/08/2011 04:53

thanks, fudgecake.

my hormones can be very erratic - i'm in my 40s and only just realising that when other people moan about pms, they mean something quite a bit milder than i experience. i was very much brought up to have a 'stiff upper lip' so never thought to speak to a doctor, but am starting to see that 2 weeks a month where i'm wandering the house, unable to sleep, crying at the slightest thing (trailers for neighbours ffs), is not the general 'run of the mill' type pms.

i know it's my hormone levels that do this after years of ttc & ivf, when they were monitored closely.

then, when certain events have tipped me over the edge, i will cry whenever i'm on my own - without even knowing why - just driving down the road, i'll find i'm crying, and there's an awful sense of having lost something hugely precious, and that something horrific, life-stoppingly traumatic, is about to happen.

there have been a few times when i would say (with hindsight) that i was depressed for several months/ a few years, but other times when i'd just say i have severe pms, which clears between periods.

my dd is adhd, and i suspect i may be as well, AND everyone in my family is convinced that my dad is ocd, but would never go to a doctor about it. i recognise some of his traits in my behaviour as well.

i know it's dangerous to 'self diagnose' but as i learn more about these things, they seem to ring true for me. however, a lot of 'tendencies' are not so much a problem, and knowing when they are a concern, and when you should seek help, is hard to know, especially when it's yourself.

TheOriginalFAB · 04/08/2011 18:26

Have had a bad day as I have had emotional issues rather than chemical and I have just realised I am not sure if I took my AD this morning.

Toffeefudgecake · 04/08/2011 19:59

I don't think one day off would make any difference to how you feel, Original, as ads build up in effectiveness. I sometimes forget mine for a day and it makes no difference to how I feel. Sorry you've had a bad day. Do nice things for yourself tonight, if you can, and I hope you feel better soon.

TheOriginalFAB · 04/08/2011 20:14

I started a thread and apparently missing a tablet that I am on, can make a difference and explains a bit of why I have been feeling like I have today.

strawberry17 · 04/08/2011 21:06

It depends on what you are on, some like Seroxat, wash out really fast within hours, others like prozac take days to wash out of the system as I understand it. So yes you can start to feel a bit dizzy and off quite fast with some SSRI's.

rumpleteaser · 04/08/2011 21:24

Hi, I have been on citalopram for 9 years. Concieved whilst taking them. Switched to Sertraline whilst attempting to breastfeed.

Recently reduced from 30mg a day to 20. Not sure if it's the right thing to have done, it just somehow seems healthier to be on as low dose as possible! Does it make a lot of difference when you're on them long term, possibly forever?
I find I get very angry and irritable at the moment.
I've never heard of the drops, that seems a good way to reduce them if need be.
Dh really doesn't understand depression.

i have tried several counsellors in the past. Never been offered CBT.

What you on fab? at least if a missed dose can affect you, you know why you've had a rough day and tomorrow will be a better one.

If I miss a dose of mine it's not my emotions or depression that is affected, but I feel the withdrawals.

PurpleLostPrincess · 04/08/2011 21:26

Not read through properly but thought I'd add my tuppence.

DH has had MH problems since childhood and has been on every AD going. About 5 years ago we finally found the one that seemed to 'work' best for him with the least side effects. We had a few episodes of him coming off them as he didn't want to rely on them all the time, but every time his MH took a very big dip.

So we had a conversation with his consultant at one of his appointments at the MH clinic who explained that he was obviously born with an imbalance in his brain and that he would have to be on these for the rest of his life. He takes 40mg per day of citalopram so not a low dose as such. When the consultant explained it that way, it made perfect sense! Took DH a while to accept it, but he does now.

OTOH, I am on 20mg citalopram and have been for 2 years plus. I have a long term plan to come off them eventually but the GP says I have too much going on in my life right now (long story!), so will start the plan in about 6 months.

Hope all goes well for you Smile

strawberry17 · 04/08/2011 21:37

rumpleteaser you may find that is too big a reduction in one go which is why you are feeling a bit rough, I found out the hard way that I had to taper off very very slowly. Most people don't realise that they need to taper off very slowly, not the way doctors tell you to do it, the alternate day method...

I too used to believe I had a chemical imbalance in the brain and would need to be on them for life, until I discovered that coming off them too fast and the wrong way can lead to withdrawals that mimic the depression/anxiety you were originally given them for. I am now very sucessfully tapering off liquid prozac, extremely slowly.

strawberry17 · 04/08/2011 21:40

Really recommend this book www.amazon.co.uk/Coming-Off-Antidepressants-Successful-Withdrawal/dp/1845292561/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1312490348&sr=8-1 if you think you are ready to come off, it explains the correct way to do it.

TheOriginalFAB · 04/08/2011 21:49

I am on Duloxetine. I am on AB's for life.

rumpleteaser · 04/08/2011 22:08

thanks strawberry. I will check out that book. I don't know if I am ready to come off them or will take them forever. I just have been taking a pill every day and not even thinking about it for so many years. I feel like I'm Missing something by being on them though. If I compare myself to 9yrs ago, yes I'm not a suicidal mess any more, but I feel like my personality is disappearing.
Sorry for crap paragraphs.
I would really like to know more about long term effects.
fab you seem very in control. Do you still feel like 'you'?

TheOriginalFAB · 04/08/2011 22:19

Not at all in control and haven't felt like me for many years.

kickassangel · 05/08/2011 03:47

Fab, sorry to hear you feel like that.

apologies if i crashed the thread earlier, just have been working through some issues and suddenly found some like minds.

even though i'm on meds that are supposed to take a while to work, i felt better within a day, but find that i can miss a day without it affecting me.

i have noticed that they affect short-term memory (or is it just my age?), and i now have a 'system' to check whether i have taken them or not, otherwise i may not remember.

i'm beginning to think that i could well be a long term user of ads, but have to say, i def feel FAR more in control than without them, and just wish i'd spoken to a doctor about 20 years ago.

Toffeefudgecake · 05/08/2011 06:29

Kick - when I was on 20mg of Citalopram, I had a terrible short-term memory! Before then, I'd been the organised one in our family, the one who remembered appointments, etc., but I started forgetting things. It drove my DH mad because he'd always been able to rely on me. I found reducing the dose to 10mg meant my short-term memory improved, but I still felt the benefits of the AD.

Fab - sorry you had a rough day.

strawberry17 · 05/08/2011 07:48

I think the downside of SSRI's is that they do definately numb you, I felt unable to feel normal emotion or joy (or misery LOL). Of course the upside of that is that they do enable you to function where previously you'd fallen into a huge black hole. The biggest downer for me was the affect on my sex drive and ability to orgasm which was why I felt the need to get myself off them in the end, well I say get myself off, I'm still weaning/tapering off slowly but the feelings are all back on the low dose I'm on.

rumpleteaser · 05/08/2011 09:02

Sorry fab, thanks for answering me.
I think it's the numbness that I mean strawberry.

orangeflutie · 05/08/2011 09:32

I agree about the numbness. Sometimes it's good not to be able to feel in order to function as strawberry says. Without the ADs it's likely I would be in tears most of the time. I'm definitely much calmer now aswell, before I would feel angry and irritated a lot. However the downside is that you don't experience real highs. I am now able to motivate myself but can't get really excited about anything.

Something I have noticed though is my physical health is better since I've been on ADs. Last winter I caught one cold instead of several that would normally have led to chest infections as I'm asthmatic.

TheOriginalFAB · 05/08/2011 09:58

I have felt away with the fairies, on auto pilot which is scary when driving. Is that what you mean by numbness? I hadn't realised that was the AD's. I just thought that was me being an idiot.

orangeflutie · 05/08/2011 10:55

I'm not sure that it's numbness FAB as I'm often a bit dreamy, always have been. Often I'm in the car and can't remember how I got somewhere. It's a bit dodgy isn't it? but I think a lot of people do this.

The numbness affects me differently day to day. I don't know what day I'm going to feel numb which is annoying if, for example I have a doctor's appointment in which I'm supposed to talk about how I feel, moods etc. I clam up and can't feel anything much. Often emotions come back later in the day and then I want to talk to someone but by then there is no-one to listen.

How are you feeling today FAB? Is today better than yesterday?

kickassangel · 05/08/2011 14:52

i find that i don't get as excited, but then i used to get over excited, e.g. i wouldn't be able to sleep leading up to christmas (even after i was 12). so even that is a benefit.
i also seem to get to sleep better - perhaps cos i don't get so wound up/excited etc.

for the short term memory, i use notes more than i used to.

TheOriginalFAB · 05/08/2011 18:09

I have had a break through day but not sure I can post yet. Too Blush.

I blamed having the kids for the fact that my memory is pants now. Sometimes I immediately forget things as soon as I think of, or recall, them. My mobile is set to go off all the time for things including picking the kids up from school in term time.

rumpleteaser · 05/08/2011 21:51

fab happy you've had a breakthrough even if you don't want to post it!

I was so terrified of getting PND after having a history of depression. While I was in the UK and pregnant I got great support and felt so safe and lucky that I didn't get any worse after the birth of ds, but now I am thinking it has crept up on me in the 1 year I've been a mother and am in a country where I get no support appart from friends and MN.

rumpleteaser · 05/08/2011 21:53

I don't blame being on ADs for my memory. It's definitely ds.