Panic attacks in dd 14

[Deaddei]

dd has OCD, which at the moment revolves around food preparation.
This week she has been complaining of difficulty breathing, involuntary yawning.....
Now she had this about 6 months ago, I took her to the dr to reassure her there was nothing physically wrong. Dr agreed, told her to breathe in a paper bag, not to worry.
We are off to the theatre tomorrow and she's now being dramatic saying she can't go. I hate to sound hard hearted but I just said fine- I'll take someone else. I am getting so sick of the OCD....taking over, ruining things. She has had cbt which worked for a while- then therapist went on maternity leave. She's been to someone else recently, but is now refusing to go, saying it's not making any difference. Which it isn't.
I am dreading the next 6 weeks as I know they will be hell.

Sorry to say this but you sound incredibly unsupportive of your daughter. OCD is a very distressing mental illness and as I suppose you know, can manifest itself in a variety of different ways, which cause the sufferer a great deal of hurt, confusion and distress. You say you don't want to sound hard hearted but I'm afraid that's exactly how you do sound. You talk as though your daughter's condition is of her own making and that she should be able to "pull herself together" - I am sure this must be making things worse for her. If you are dreading the next 6 weeks I am sure your daughter is too, and she is the one suffering. I am sure your daughter is sick of the OCD too. I think as her mother you need to be finding some therapy for your daughter that may help her. Maybe you will have to pay but surely it would be worth it if it could help your daughter.

Your daughter needs support, help and understanding of her condition and she doesn't seem to be getting that from you at the moment.

I'm sorry to sound harsh, but feel the same as the above poster. I had mental health problems as a teen (and still do) and my mother was so unsupportive. She acted like it was a huge pain in the arse that I wasn't well and it made me feel awful at the time and still makes me feel bad now when I think about it. She's not being dramatic - she's in distress and wants you to help her.

I'm sure it must be incredibly hard for you too, but it must be so much worse for her. She needs to know she can lean on her family: I don't have that, and it means that I have basically no relationship with my parents any more. I'm sure you don't want that to happen to you.

Please, for both of you, get some help. Try everything.

I have been incredibly supportive for the last 7 years of her, and am just having a bad day. I have posted about this before, but not in a negative way.
We have had Nhs therapy, and private therapy......I have just made an appointment back at the drs to see where we can go from here. It's all very well telling me as her mother I should be finding some therapy for her.....if she refuses to go, that's very difficult. I would pay anything if it helped...take her anywhere.
Her OCD impacts on the whole family..it isn't much fun for ds as holidays are ruined for him too. I feel quite ill at the moment by the stress of it all. She is worse in the holidays as she loves the structure of school.

Deaddei, it sound slike a draining and stressful situation for you and, as the person who has to support and care for your daughter, you are entitled to som espace to vent.

You don't sound unsupportive and you don't sound hard-hearted. You sound tired and fed-up and as if you are dreading the weeks ahead. And that is perfectly understandable.

You need some time to yourself when you can just have fun. Try not to snap at your daughter, I'm sure you know full well it doesn't help. But do go to the theatre with someone else and enjoy it. Plan a few trips and outings with friends to cheer yourself up because that's what will make it easier for you to support your daughter.

Thank you pointy dog.
She is coming to the theatre tonight -as soon as she got up she said how much she was looking forward to it.
She also has singing lessons/workshop arranges...her passion.
I actually have been going out with her a lot recently and really enjoyed it.....coffees, trip to Yorkshire just the two of us, running.......
She has just gone on the pill to control periods which she just can't deal with, so hopefully that will help.
We are going away as a family next week which I am a bit stressed about. Last time we went abroad we had to come back early as she hated it and had umpteen meltdowns. However we are going somewhere she knows and likes, so that should be better. Although ds has just broken his collar bone.....

That's nice that she's changed her mind and also great that you can both get over a minor tiff and enjoy each other's company.

Look after yourself too!

Just wanted to say that I understand that you needed to vent in your OP and that this is a safe space to do that without your dd noticing. I must say life became much easier once I occassionally started telling someone how tough it was living with DHs depression. It's not your Dd you are fed up with it's her OCD. I can imagine you are, it sounds very frustrating.

Yes madhouse, it's the OCD not her I hate!
We call it Bella and tell her to go away ( though I use stronger language!)
Dd and I are very similar...both quick to anger but equally quick at saying sorry. I have mild OCD, but it doesn't impact on my life too much...but would do if I let it. It has got worse recently, probably due to stress.
We will have a great time tonight.

Deaddi - sorry I was somewhat judgemental in my post. I always try neve to judge - to be honest - think I was having a bad day myself when I posted. Madmouse is right, this should be a safe place to "vent" without people judging you. Sorry again.

I realise this is an oldish thread but since i suffered with OCD at the same age as well as panic attacks but you do know she cant help any of it dont you ?
This has struck a bit of a chord with me so i just thought i would post.
She probably wants to do all the things you want her to do but cant. It doesnt matter how long you have spent supporting her , you need to consider that this will be permenant for her and will continue to impact on her life.

And that she might be right about the therapy. None of it ever worked for me. I saw loads of different psychologists ,psychiatrists , family therapists , group therapists , individual councilors (sp?) as well as hosptial admissions. None of it worked. I just have to live with it.

Just try and support her. Being dismissive/telling her she is being silly/whatever doesnt help , its not her fault.

Finally wishing you all the best , if there was a miracle cure i could pass on to you i would. But there isnt. :(

I have a teenage son with OCD and understand totally your venting. There are times where I've said to DH that I just want MY life back and to do enjoyable things without the constant worry about DS. Of course I know its not his fault but after the umpteenth time we have been late somewhere because he can't get out of the house without spending ages checking etc I feel like you describe.
There is one point though that I would like to make and that is that it differs from other mental illnesses/disorders in that it is important that she challenges it and even though it is extremely hard tries to do the things she thinks are impossible. I'm sure the CBT has taught her to do this but they easily get lazy and let it take over. Unfortunately, everytime DS seems to overcome one 'obsession' another takes its place.
I have read your previous posts and know how supportive you have been and what you have been through. When I am down I think about how much progress he has made since the really dark days of not understanding what was wrong. Remind your DD of these days and she will also feel more positive about her progress.

Thank you for all your posts everyone.
We have just got back from Portugal after an eventful week
Dd panicked all week before we went, refusing to go, weeping....she finds going away very stressful.
It was so bad we almost didn't go by Friday evening, but we did, as we couldn't let it spoil everyone's week. I actually googled the Samaritans as I felt so helpless.
She had 2 major meltdowns there, which meant one night she stayed in the house rather than come out with us for dinner. The second time, we left her in the house again and said she could join us when she'd calmed down.
Luckily ds made a few friends so he was happy.
On Wednesday I spent the day in bed with a migraine.....
On balance it was worth going, and she is ecstatic to be home. She even asked if we could go back next year though........
I am seeing the dr this week and we will see what our alternatives are.
I feel so sorry for her, as she struggles every day with this awful thing. In RL, people see this very confident girl and tell me she's just being a teenager, whereas we know the real story.