Feel really down, can't cope with motherhood

[tattyteddy]

hello,

I've been feeling really down the last few days. I no longer have any enjoyment and don't want to do anything.

My Dd is 4 months old and over the last yep days I don't like her very much. I know that's a terrible thing to say. Lately she has really gone of her bottles, which worries me evenmore.

Everything is getting on top of me and I just want to run away. I don't know what to do.

Xxxx

Hi, I think many of us here have been exactly where you are.

I found about 2-10 months the hardest time. I did not bond with my child and the demands of motherhood seemed relentless. I think I hated almost every minute of it.

Firstly, it will get better. The older they get the more independant they become and the more of "you" you can reclaim. Secondly, you're bond with her will strengthen as she develops more of her own personality.

Finally, if you are feeling that down, have you thought that about talking to your GP. If you are suffering from depression, you don't need to suffer on your own.

Thanks goosey, I'm glad to hear it gets better. I will consider going to GP. It just worries me going to the GP - I'll feel like a total failure and a terrible mother and I'm worried what the GP will think of me!

Thanks again for your reply - I'm glad other people gave similar feelings xxxx

Have you mentioned how you feel to your HV, the GP is there to help if you need it, you might be suffering from PND, the edinburgh PND test is very good, ive seen it recommended on here a few times.
www.testandcalc.com/etc/tests/edin.asp

link didnt work il try again
www.testandcalc.com/etc/tests/edin.asp

Thanks Haggis, I'll definitely have a look at the test. I'll try to pluck up the courage to talk to HV. Thanks again xx

Oh tatty love, loads of us have been where you are!! Agree, talk to HV, remember, none of us is perfect (even those that look as though they are!). Finally now mine are approaching puberty (boys, periods, you get the picture) am up for swaps ;o)

Please go get some help, it sounds like you may be depressed, PND doesn't necessarily start immediately after birth, and there is support available. Find a nice GP or HV and talk to them. I hope you feel better soon - loads of women go through this and come out the other side. Have an un-Mnetty hug from me.

Thanks Ellie and Huw, I'm going to make an appointment to see gp today. At the baby classes I visit everyone seems to be so together and adoring their baby. I ended up having an emergency csection and had a disastrous breast feeding start I wonder if that has contributed to me feeling like this, like I've failed. Thanks again for the replies to my post and the hugs xxx

Sounds like you could do with some counselling to make you see that having an EMCS and struggling to BF doesn't make you a failure in any way shape or form.

And you will also find that other mothers are not necessarily half as together as you think they are - that's just your perception.

You're probably right, those experiences may well be contributing to the way that you are feeling.
Please don't compare yourself to the other mothers at baby group- no-one finds motherhood easy all the time though some are better at hiding it than others!
I hope your GP appt goes well. There's a book too which you might find reassuring: it's called What Mothers Do especially when it looks like nothing by Naomi Stadlen, have a look at the description and reviews on Amazon to see if you might like it.
Xx

tatty four months was when I started to feel really down. It just seemed so relentless. DS started waking every hour through the night around that time too.

I finally went to my GP when he was six months old, did the Edinburgh test and a test for regular depression, and scored 'moderate' on both. The GP referred me to a counsellor and I had six sessions of cognitive behaviour therapy. It really helped me and I no longer felt depressed by the end of it. DS started sleeping a bit better towards the end of the course, which also helped.

Now he's nearly 10 months old and I feel like I'm enjoying motherhood so much more. DS generally sleeps OK (not brilliantly, but hey), growing and developing at an astonishing rate, and is generally lovely to be around.

Hope your GP can help and well done for taking that first step. I wish I'd done it sooner than I did. You're not alone, and things will get better.

Thanks Madmouse, Wompoopigeon and Count for your replies they've made me feel better already.

I've got an appointment with the GP next week and hopefully it will go well. I find it strange that me anxiety has started at 4 months!

I want to get better and not feel this way anymore and enjoy being a mummy. i will also look for that book on Amazon.

Many thanks again for taking the time to reply to my post - i've found your replies very helpful. xxxxx

Hello tattyteddy - your post could have been one of mine when my DS was 4 months. I too had difficulties with bonding, felt low and generally wanted to run away from my own life.

Great to hear you've booked your GP appt - also I found it helpful discussing it with my HV. Things do get better - so much better. DS is nearly one now and a bundle of loveliness - so cheeky, charming and beautiful.

Look after yourself and try not to put too much pressure on yourself. It takes time, but things will change x

Glad you've booked an appt with your G.P. Keep plugging away - I found it took a couple of go's to get a therapist who I related to but was worth it. Things can and will change - it's hard to feel connected with anyone when you are depressed but you will get those feelings back when you start to feel better. Don't compare yourself to other mothers - baby groups are full of people who look super-OK but actually may be struggling. You are doing the right thing, well done x

Thanks natsyloo and Ellie, I feel loads better already now that I've admitted that something is not quite right. My DH is great and provides lots of support so I can see that things can get better.

You're right, all those mothers at the baby classes might seem fine, but you never know other peoples lives until you start scratching under the surface!

Since I've posted on here and understood that others have had similar feelings, and got throught the other side makes me see light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you very much for your replies xxxx

Just wanted to give you all an update. Visited GP who said it doesn't sound like depression but she'll keep an eye on me. She's also going to contact my HV. One of the reasons she said I could be feeling down is that my DH and I have no family near by do never really get a break.

I have been feeling a better but will have a good chat with HV xxxx

i'm glad your feeling better. did you try the test? www.testandcalc.com/etc/tests/edin.asp

Glad you plucked up the courage to go to the GP - not an easy thing to do. How is your mood now? Being a mum is hard work and like others have said, noone does a 'perfect' job.

Hope you're getting some support as it can be hard without practical as well as emotional help.

All the best :-)

Please believe us thats its not unusal to feel like this from a EMCS & fail to BF. This happened twice to me and on DS2 I suffered terrible, I cried everyday after my failed VBAC and just needed to grieve over my lose. I wouldnt say I was depressed more traumatised & gutted.

Having a new baby is a shock to the system, with sleep patterns, leaning and just feeling rubbish - it does get better. Its life changing and no one tells you about this!

If you want to get baby into a good routine then that helps I did do Gina Ford on both boys and thank god I did. Getting sleep and a routine helps so much. Dont believe everyone else is happy and over joyed.