not sure what to do now. is anything worth it?

[sweetmonkey]

i have been on here for a while now and as i explained yest on the bankruptcy thread, i was given this site by a woman i know who knew i was having trouble with my abusive alcoholic mother

basically im 23 live with my dad and bro, my dad has always favoured my bro, he is 19 but they got back from a holiday in jamaica yest (paid for by my dad) , they go to all chelsea games, my dad gives my bro money for lunch each day even though he works full time , buys all his food, dinners takeaways etc, al lhis deodrant , gel etc etc

i got into debt when i was with my ex and am paying back about £255 a month on it, which will be for the next 5 years. i have no savings and so moving out is gonna be virtually impossible

to top it all off the man ive been going out with for just over a year told me last night that he needed time alone to sort his life out. he is 49 and ive known him for years. we have been seeing each other on and off for nearly 2 but properly got it together last November.

I love him so much and he says he loves me and that once he feels better about himself theres a chance we could get back together again. im just not so sure

i just dont know what to do really. i feel sick, have been awake all night thinking, find it v difficult not to cry and ive only reently started a new job which i have my 3 month assessment in a couple of weeks so i need to try and be cheery so they dont decide im not good enough and get rid of me

my man was the one person who knew everything about me but now i feel empty. i know i need to give it time but i dont actually have anything to be around for anymore.

my das is obv quite content with just my bro and my mum is an alci who is going to australia indefinately in dec and i just feel totally alone

sorry this is so long. i know nobody can help.just needed to put it all down somewhere

Hi sweetmonkey

I was so sad to read your post, everyone in your life has let you down but you are still strong enough to talk about it and that is a very good thing. There are a lot of people out here who care and would like to talk to you about your experiences and many who will be able to understand what you are going through on some level.

The great thing about mumsnet is that we all try to support eachother; sometimes by talking, sometimes just by reading what others have posted and there's usually someone with some really good advice (that's not generally me though )

Have you been in touch with Al-Anon? It particularly supports the families of alcoholics. You can find them if you click here

Let us know how things go today. I will be thinking of you.

i just dont know what to do. i have no one who would be bothered if i disappeared off the face of the earth.

how sad is that for a life?

What are you doing today?

What are you doing today?

oops!

Do you have any children? Do you have a job?

It's not true that you have no one, it may not sem much but by posting on here you have made contact with some people who will try to offer support..it's not ideal but it is a start.

When you're down then everything seems to make things worse and you only see the bad everywhere and nothing anyone says will do much to shift that but you have ot find the strength to tackle things one day and one problem at a time and there will come a point when the balance starts to go in your favour and a little chink of brightness appears.

You have your work so put as much effort as you can into that. see your gp and explain how you feel, that in itself is hard but can be a real help. Can you talk to your Dad, does he know how you feel about that relationship? And also make a plan to take control of your debt problems. Not being in control will make your deprsseion worse so somehow you have to get that control back.

Take care for now.

i dont have any children, wish i did as it would give me something to focus on

cant talk to my dad as not that close and he would just use it against me in the long run, same as my mum

my friend just says that the age was too much and just to get on with it.

im at work but so difficult not to burst out crying the whole time finding it v difficult to do anything

Is there any way that you can get out of the house and get some fresh air, go somewhere , talk to people, get a book from the library for your own entertainment. In our library there are usually lots of posters up about things that are going on locally, maybe something will take your fancy.

All of the above are free and I promise you, if you make yourself do something, you won't regret it!

Motivation is one of the hardest things when you are feeling black....I have to have real battles with myself sometimes and I don't always win! Start small, do something..anything...and let us know how you get on...........

Leave the heavy duty stuff until you feel a bit better. Go on, be nice to sweetmonkey today!

thanks. im at work til 5.30 and have thought about going to docs but dont really reckon hes gonna be able to do alot
i know i need to get out and do stuff but i just wanna crawl into bed and cry

im not sure whether to take the fact that he said it was upto me how much of my stuff i tookfrom his flat as a sort of positive as in he didnt tell me to take everything.jus dont know.

if i had a prob he would be the person i would talk to.

I really think it would be worth talking to your gp if you can. Don't worry about what he/she may or may not be able to do....that is their job! There is a lot of support out there and the doc is a good place to start...why not print out your first message on this thread as it may help show how you are feeling at the moment and you won't have to worry about remembering everything.

Take care of yourself and keep us posted. We care.

So sad to read your post sweetmonkey. Please do go to your doc. You sound depressed (and with good reason!), you need emotional and practical support, but I know it is very difficult to ask for it when you feel as low as you do. Could you get a friend to go to the doc with you? I do think you should force yourself to go because he/she will be able to help you through this. And of course you have mumsnet which I have found to be a great source of support and friendship. XXX

((((((((((((sweetmonkey))))))))))))).

Do you have any good friends? What are your new work colleagues like? The people you have been involved with so far have let you down badly but please don't think that everyone is like that.

Remember that you are not to blame for the way you feel - you deserve to feel positive and excited about what life has to offer you. See if your GP can offer you anything in the way of 'talk' therapy.

Also do you have any interests or hobbies that don't cost lots of money to pursue? Singing, acting, flower arranging, whatever - these are good ways to make new relationships and do something you enjoy at the same time.

Gemma's Al-Anon idea is a good one too.

I really hope you find the support you deserve .

hi have just got back frm crying my eyes out in my car in the hope that i will be able to go til 5.30 when i finish work.

one of my mates advice was its better this way and that i should just get on with life another to go out and get drunk tomorrow night ( which im not gonna do coz i know it will make me worse and v emotional

just finding it so difficult. i just want a hug from my man and to be told everything is alright

i go out of my way to help people and be nice and do anything i can to make them happy yet everything i do seems wrong the whole time. im not a horrible person but beginning to think i must be as everyone i know seems to hate me and moan at me

sorry to hear your situation. i too have an alcoholic mother so i can understand a bit about the feeling of abandonment. i now have 3 children so i had to change my outlook for the next generation - i didn't want to repeat history so i've spent the last few years getting myself out of the past and into the present. i've been going to a group called 'adult children of alcoholics'.it's a great place to just be around people who have been through similar so it takes the feeling of isolation away. it helps you to 'act' instead of 'react' all the time. i'm now studying buddhism and meditation which is helping with all the baggage and bringing peace and the idea of forgiveness into my life as when you forgive you then can move into the present. you are not alone - you are free. free to find you real friends, your real soulmate and make a new family that deserves you. i would start by negotiating a new amount that is more afforable for you (try citizens advice?) so you can start finding out what you really want from you life and go getting it! there is something i've just remembered reading somewhere and that is the chinese symbol for 'crisis' is also the same symbol for 'opportunity'. if you want to have details of acoa i can find the website for you and it gives info on groups in your area.
you must be exhausted - can you ask to go home early just so you can sleep and heal a bit. you need your sleep - then life can truly begin

thanks for your advice, is buddhism any good? has it helped you at all, i dont really have a faith at mo.

the bloke just text me to apologise if he was mean lst night(i didnt think he was, just thought he was being honest) and asking if i was ok and did our little symbols at the end for a kiss and cuddle.

i replied with i have felt better but i guess its to be expected. hope you are ok and get things sorted.

i suppose it shows he does care and is thinking about me, but i shall leave it all up to him now to make any moves and grovel.

there are two books that i would recommend if interested:
buddhism plain and simple by steve hagen
the power of now by eckhart tolle
life changing stuff

Ah thanks thats really kind. will have a look about getting them. can i just ask is it fairly easy to take on and understand?

might help take my mind of things

oh yes - i don't do anything remotely complicated if i can help it! i understand what your saying though, i was apprehensive at first as there are so many books out there that are heavy on the theory and very academic. these two cut to the chase being very practical. they have helped me change my outlook and attitude as i'm reading them. i've also posted on another thread about meditation and how to do it but think its much better and more fun to learn with other people. the buddhist group i go to is cheap aswell - donation only. if you like what you read there is probably a local group near to you and there maybe some dishy men there so you never know............

ha ha one step at a time methinks. will pop into bromley tonight and have a look.

ha ha one step at a time methinks. will pop into bromley tonight and have a look.

ooops

hi sweetmonkey. Just wondering how you've been this afternoon. Hoping you will soon be invisible under a great big pile of flowers choccies and other good stuff!

morning been awake since 5 again. havent eaten anything for 3 days, just feel sick even thinking about food.

just keep wishing i could fast forward my life so i know whats gonna happen.

he went a bit strange last year and then decided he wanted us to be together, said theres a chance it could happen again . i just dont know

im drading 5.30 when i finish work. means im going to have 2 days to think about stuff and im not sure i can handle it.

i was laying in bed last night thinking this time last week he was here with me.
i didnt even get a proper last night with him. guess i feel bad coz we never argued and stuff so this is all weird as there was no whole tension thing and stuff.

im seeing a mate tonight but she split up with her fiance last night (must be something in the water) and even though i know shes upset she is being really strong and positive, they had lots of arguments too so it was sort of building upto it.

i just dont feel ready to be like that yet.

guess im living in a dream world, hoping he will change hs mind and realise we are good together